Walking alone?

[goingtosleep]

I live in an area of amazing natural beauty and I love outdoors, love walking/hiking BUT I don't like going on my own.
I won't admit it easily but I'm actually afraid of going on my own, it's not really about what if i break my leg , more about feeling vulnerable as a woman on my own in a forest and any man i see could be a potential threat.
Now I'm pretty sure IABU but how to get over this? Are there any others that feel that way? And finally what's wrong with me? (I have not had any traumatic experiences in the past)

I walk (and camp) alone.

I can get spooked if I let my imagination run riot, but then we have been brought up in fairy and folk tales where entering the woods means facing our worst fears : Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood etc. And there is a reason that woods have come to represent such danger in our psyche.

But it is metaphorical rather than actual. Woods representing emotional danger. Woods are not really physically dangerous places to be.

Also might you be experiencing a tiny bit of agoraphobia?

Caution is common sense, of course.

I take a lot of ‘positive energy’ or perhaps morale boost when I am out and about from glorying at the wonder if trees, the landscape, take note of flowers or butterflies I want to look up, and I make a point of noting how good it feels physically to put one foot in front of the other and walk.

There’s nothing wrong with you OP, you are just aware, as we all are, that sometimes bad things happen to lone females. We each assess risk differently. I lived in the centre of a large city and regularly walked home by myself at night. There were some rough areas and it wasn’t without risk to my safety. But I chose to accept the risk so I could carry on as I wished. I had an attitude that I still hold that I refuse to be afraid of the place where I call home. But of course I can understand why others wouldn’t walk alone at night, and why you don’t feel safe walking in beautiful surroundings alone. You have assessed the risk and decided on balance, it’s not worth it. That’s not necessarily a bad decision. (Though in my experience, outdoorsy walking types are really some of the friendliest and most helpful people I have ever met!)

Yes, I feel the same. I'm always happier in the hills where you can see someone coming from miles away than I am in woods. But a friend of mine walks miles on her own every week and nothing untoward has ever happened.

I'm not sure how to get over it. Thoughts: dog; start by getting to know one route well and expand from that; avoid places near towns (the chances of a rapist hanging around on the off chance in the middle of the countryside is remote); be normally friendly to people you meet and build up your confidence that most people are nice; keep up your fitness so you know you can run, and are therefore more confident; mobile phone, so if you see someone you're worried about, you can ring a friend and chat till the person is no longer around; remember that if you're in walking gear, no-one more than a few yards away is even going to recognise you're a woman.

I often go walking on my own in rural areas. Sometimes woodlands. I have never once had a situation where I felt anxious about a man. On the city streets is another matter ....

There's a big jump from not wanting to walk alone in an isolated area to agoraphobia! What a stupid comment.

You're right to be concerned OP, there is some risk, but in most areas it is small enough to be manageable. Make sure someone knows where you're going. Take a mobile phone, preferably not an expensive one. Be aware of your surroundings. I stick my headphones in and music on loud, but that means I'm not aware of what's going on around me, so not to be advised!

Incidences of sexual assaults in secluded areas are extremely low. If you're going to be the victim of crime, it's more likely to be a mugging, which could be by a man or woman.

On the city streets is another matter ....

This ^^

You can pinpoint where crime occurs in your local area online. You'll find far more in heavily populated areas (in terms of footfall and residential areas.).

I live in the countryside and sometimes go on long walks by myself. I never had any particular safety concerns until one day I tried a new route and it was a lot more isolated than any route I had been on previously, which generally had houses dotted around.

Anyway on this route a man was walking and came up behind me and I realised I had left myself vulnerable. I think he sensed it as he seemed to deliberately speed up in order to get well past me. Since then I have been a bit more mindful of choosing routes that are not quite as isolated as this route was.

You could get a PLB - personal locator beacon. Usually recommend to be taken by people who do walks away from the "beaten track", so where if for example you fell and broke your leg someone wouldn't walk past you within an hour, or where you might fall down a ravine etc. But you could take it with you for just ordinary walks in the woods. About the size of a cell phone, the idea is you have it on you and accessible, so not buried deep in your backpack, you pull the tab or push the button and it sends a signal and rescuers come. Like an elderly alert bracelet for walkers, hikers, sailors etc.
Obviously only to be used in an emergency but would give you a sense of security.

I do heaps and heaps of hiking by myself, sometimes in the woods. I try my best not to feel nervous. I always feel good after a long walk. I listen to an audiobook as I walk normally with only one head phone. While I'm walking I'm fine, I think thinking about things can be worse than just doing them.

I think Spudina explains it really well. It’s about perception of risk isn’t it?
And the thing is, however remote the likelihood of something bad happening, if you can’t shake the feeling, it’s going to make what should be a pleasurable experience (walking in a beautiful rural area) feel less enjoyable. Therefore you’ll be put off doing it, and it’s a vicious circle. I imagine if you’ve successfully done quite a few long isolated walks alone and enjoyed them, you’ll feel comfortable to continue, but you haven’t got there yet, so it’s a self Perpetuating circle of anxiety.

Is there a local walking group, or a walking buddy you could go with for now? I know that’s not what you want, but it could be a stage in becoming more confident particularly if the buddy or members of the group also walk alone. If someone who regularly walks alone in your local area can tell you about routes they’ve taken then perhaps you’ll begin to feel more confident about it?

A lot of people go out walking alone in remote areas and are never seen or heard of again.

Its about training your boundaries OP. If you have never done much alone, such as walking in the countryside, then you will be fearful. So you could try little bits at a time - 15 minutes, within a certain distance of your car for instance, and then gradually increase that as you feel comfortable.

Its about weighing quality of life and enjoyment against the tiny potential risk, which is probably much higher in cities and towns anyway.

For most people, this is not a very risky activity at all.

ChaChaCha Don’t be so rude.
Plenty of people experience a fear of being outside in wide open spaces, don’t like the feeling of ‘exposure’.

I get there is a difference between an actual phobia, maybe I should have said an tiny bit of an agoraphobic -type feeling’ - I don’t know what else to call it. But as people do feel it as an irrational fear I don’t know why you need to be so rude as to call a question a ‘stupid comment’.

I completely understand how you feel. I would never do it, not because it’s actually dangerous, but I wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy it.
I imagine it would feel very liberating if I could get over this.

I used to walk from home uni in a semi rural location. I stopped doing so after another girl went missing on that walk and was never seen again. I got the bus after that.

I think you have to adopt a realistic approach to crime. Very few people are attacked, kidnapped, raped or murdered by random strangers they don’t know. It’s the warning we’ve all been sold since childhood about not going anywhere with strangers and so on, but the reality is that the vast majority of rapes and murders are committed by people well known to the victim and not by psychopaths wandering the moors looking for people to kill.

I’m not sure otherwise how you “get over” an ingrained fear like this; but it may help to put it in perspective.

80% of murders are committed by someone the victim knows. That still leaves one in five as strangers.

In my youth I was cabin crew. To get to the airport I would get on the bus. I used to walk to and from the bus stop at 4am / 1am to get back to the place I was staying. This was by the airport so buses were pretty much 24 hours a day. In hindsight, I should have just got a car. Or a taxi for those flights that left super early or got there late.

A couple of flight attendants were attacked around the airport.

Downroute, I used to wander alone around foreign cities.

I enjoy walking but only alone in my own thoughts or with my earphones in with music/book/podcast.

Women do have to have some vigilance though.

Thank you for taking time to reply.
I don't think it's agoraphobia but my imagination does get away from me and i find that I'm not enjoying it if I constantly wonder who's behind the next corner or tree. I do tend to catastrophize.
I would love to have a dog, but can't unfortunately at the moment, i wish i had a good friend to go with and occasionally i do go with a friend but it's rare

It’s good you are thinking about these things OP.

Yep I know completely what you mean, I have lovely woods and countryside on my doorstep and often go out walking with the baby and little intrusive thoughts creep in like ‘oh I could be murdered here and no one would know‘ or ‘I wonder if anyone is hiding behind those trees’! I think I’ve watched too many crime documentaries 😂

As women especially, we are vulnerable. I’ve read a lot about women who mysteriously disappear and you do need to be careful. I live by the countryside and some old, abandoned forts. I wouldn’t walk up there on my own.

@Athrawes

You could get a PLB - personal locator beacon. Usually recommend to be taken by people who do walks away from the "beaten track", so where if for example you fell and broke your leg someone wouldn't walk past you within an hour, or where you might fall down a ravine etc. But you could take it with you for just ordinary walks in the woods. About the size of a cell phone, the idea is you have it on you and accessible, so not buried deep in your backpack, you pull the tab or push the button and it sends a signal and rescuers come. Like an elderly alert bracelet for walkers, hikers, sailors etc. Obviously only to be used in an emergency but would give you a sense of security.

That's an option definitely, but I wonder if I'll be quite twitchy with it and still won't be at ease.

@Caelano

I think Spudina explains it really well. It’s about perception of risk isn’t it? And the thing is, however remote the likelihood of something bad happening, if you can’t shake the feeling, it’s going to make what should be a pleasurable experience (walking in a beautiful rural area) feel less enjoyable. Therefore you’ll be put off doing it, and it’s a vicious circle. I imagine if you’ve successfully done quite a few long isolated walks alone and enjoyed them, you’ll feel comfortable to continue, but you haven’t got there yet, so it’s a self Perpetuating circle of anxiety.

Is there a local walking group, or a walking buddy you could go with for now? I know that’s not what you want, but it could be a stage in becoming more confident particularly if the buddy or members of the group also walk alone. If someone who regularly walks alone in your local area can tell you about routes they’ve taken then perhaps you’ll begin to feel more confident about it?

That's exactly it! I wouldn't mind to walk with someone either i just currently don't have anyone to regularly walk with. I have done couple of walks with friends but it's rare, I would love to go out once a week at least.

@IncandescentSilver

Its about training your boundaries OP. If you have never done much alone, such as walking in the countryside, then you will be fearful. So you could try little bits at a time - 15 minutes, within a certain distance of your car for instance, and then gradually increase that as you feel comfortable.

Its about weighing quality of life and enjoyment against the tiny potential risk, which is probably much higher in cities and towns anyway.

For most people, this is not a very risky activity at all.

Thanks, that's good advice too!