Walking alone?

[goingtosleep]

I live in an area of amazing natural beauty and I love outdoors, love walking/hiking BUT I don't like going on my own.
I won't admit it easily but I'm actually afraid of going on my own, it's not really about what if i break my leg , more about feeling vulnerable as a woman on my own in a forest and any man i see could be a potential threat.
Now I'm pretty sure IABU but how to get over this? Are there any others that feel that way? And finally what's wrong with me? (I have not had any traumatic experiences in the past)

@FluffyKittensinabasket

As women especially, we are vulnerable. I’ve read a lot about women who mysteriously disappear and you do need to be careful. I live by the countryside and some old, abandoned forts. I wouldn’t walk up there on my own.

Your posts are exactly the sort of thoughts that are fuelling my fear unfortunately

Could you join a walking group?

I have considered a group, I've found 2 in my area and one of them only meets on weekends (I could really only do school times, so weekday mornings) and the other is cancelled for now due to covid, but perhaps in the future.
I have this preconception that people in the walking clubs will be about 30years my senior and I'll be the odd one out, but hopefully I'm wrong.

It wouldn't matter much as it is the shared interest that you have in common and then you will take ot from there. I think that would be the best solution. In the meantime enjoy Country walks that still feel quite open iyswim...ie not yoo secluded. Plenty of other walkers.

If you can't get a dog of your own, could you borrow one or offer to walk a dog for someone who is unable to get out to more adventurous places with their dog?
Borrowmydoggy.com?

I walk alone everyday - but I'm a dog walker so I'm always accompanied but at least one dog, often more.

I do stick to relatively populated areas, carry a phone and money with me at all times and never stray too far from a main road. Saying that, I'm not worried about being attacked - my main concern is getting help if I injured myself while out walking and not being able to get back to my car.

I rationalise to myself that it's highly unlikely that a random nutter would be lurking behind a tree in the middle of nowhere on the off chance that a lone female walked past that he could attack.

Also, you're statistically more likely to be assaulted by someone you know.

I used to feel the same, very vulnerable on my own in an isolated place. That's one of the reasons I got my dog and I feel very safe now.
He's a rescue mongrel but looks like a german shepherd. He'll give a quiet but menacing growl to men he doesn't know that come too close.
I was once asked by a man in the woods if it was a dangerous dog.
I said "It's OK he won't bite, as long as you don't get too close."
He gave us a very wide berth.

I understand exactly how you feel. There is beautiful woodland near to where I live and I walk there regularly with other people but never go on my own. I have tried but get spooked and don't enjoy it. I do however regularly do coastal cliff top walks alone and feel fine about it. I think my imagination runs away with me in woodland because it would be so easy for someone to hide amongst tress and bushes. I feel annoyed with myself because logically I know the risks are low; I live in a low crime area and stranger attacks in remote places are rare but I still can't shake the what if thoughts.

You maybe right about the age range of many walking groups but I'm not clear if you are worried you wouldn't be welcome or you would prefer to join a group of a similar age. Keep an open mind, many of my friends are much older and they are great company.

It's clear from this thread you are not alone so maybe you could try starting your own women's walking group. I would agree with PP that owning a dog makes it much easier to meet people to walk with.

@FluffyKittensinabasket you are full of shit and have pulled that 80% figure out of your arse. A tiny tiny % of murders or rapes are stranger attacks. The true crime industry which focuses on those tiny %s does a lot to damage womens sense of safety and freedom I think.

I really do feel you though OP. It's one of the reasons I got my dog because I wanted to be able to relax in nature.

@RedskyAtnight

I rationalise to myself that it's highly unlikely that a random nutter would be lurking behind a tree in the middle of nowhere on the off chance that a lone female walked past that he could attack.

Also, you're statistically more likely to be assaulted by someone you know.

That's absolutely true but I'm starting to realise I am afraid a lot, I would have previously ignored these things and just avoided situations but have had recently more time to think and face my anxieties. I'm very afraid of flying, afraid of being the only adult at home at night, walking alone of course and other stuff... All of these fears are irrational but somehow my mind finds logic in them and makes them real

I don't understand the "feel the fear but do it anyway" type of posts. I can still remember the Wimbledon common attack as it is a place I used to walk on my own, esp during the working day when it was much emptier.
I was already nervous having had an aggressive old drunk come up and sieze my DC's pushchair (luckily I'd just taken my DC out) and throw it down a slope shouting at us, another time in another local park when we were chased by 3 unsupervised great danes and another time when we were nearly bitten by an out of control dog whose owner wasn't looking after them ( this is before they introduced dog walking licences admittedly) .
To me its the same as not staying in an empty train carriage but moving to one where there are enough people, since this was once an incident - it just seems like common sense to me.
Of course I got through these incidents, but If it bothers you, it bothers you and I am super cautious now but like you I didn't want to stop my walks.
As people have suggested, you could to join a walking group or similar. Our council runs regular walking groups. try asking your Facebook contacts, you'd be surprised how many would like someone to walk with occasionally. Or if you are still doing a school run, invite other mums to a weekly walking place.
So I saved those kinds of walks (public path along the river - im more likely to cycle there now or well known woods etc) for when I had a companion with me,
I still loved my walks so I swapped locations. took out membership cards to large parks/gardens where you had to go through security or an entrance etc... and took a phone with me. Realistically I know that an attacker could do the same, but I felt much safer doing that and have never had an incident since then.

Dillodaf i love your dog!!!

ps. How about a self defence course? It would give you more confidence.

I walk on my own every day in a very rural area - but I have a big dog. I doubt she would do much if a stranger did approach me, but shes enough to put people off and would certaintly alert me if there was someone there.

In your situation OP can you take measures to ensure your safety such as texting someone your route and plan when you leave home, with a promise to update them once you're home safe. That way if you're not back they can alert the authorities and know where you're likely to be.

Then always carry provisions - food, water, and safety basics like a whistle, phone battery pack, high viz clothing, and a storm blanket. That way, if you do have a fall, you can call for help and keep yourself safe while you wait. Your mobile phone is the most important safety feature here. If you're going places with limited signal - consider flares or a safety beacon.

As for stranger danger - as you know the risk is very small, but don't be afraid to listen to your gut if it tells you somewhere is not safe, or if you see someone you don't like the look of. Often we're too polite in these circumstances - if you're not comfortable, turn around and walk the other way.

Also - if you pass people, say hi. They're more likely to remember you if they are questioned about it later.

I wouldn't let it stop you though. All of the above are just precautions. Enjoy the outdoors

Take a dog (maybe walk one for neighbour? . Carry a personal alarm. You won't need the alarm but havine it that will make you feel more powerful, confident and in control.

You might try a simple relaxation /distraction tactic, like mentally counting your steps or breaths up to 100 then counting the next hundred backwards. down to 0.

I have to do this constantly in my head when I'm at the dentists so I know it works. My dentist phobia is completely irrational but I know a way to control it, and won't let it hold me back.

@DilloDaf

I used to feel the same, very vulnerable on my own in an isolated place. That's one of the reasons I got my dog and I feel very safe now. He's a rescue mongrel but looks like a german shepherd. He'll give a quiet but menacing growl to men he doesn't know that come too close. I was once asked by a man in the woods if it was a dangerous dog. I said "It's OK he won't bite, as long as you don't get too close." He gave us a very wide berth.

I need to learn to say that instead of my overly honest "Oh no, she's a big softie!" when people ask me the same about my dog!

I should say "Yeah she's a bit protective of me..."

Forgot to say, have you tried Bach;s Rescue Remedy? Drops on your tongue. Available in chemists,harmless, homeopathic.

Ignore @FluffyKittensinabasket she’s talking crap and scare mongering and that’s the last thing you need. She seems to be suffering from exactly the kind of Irrational anxiety you are. Statistically walking in a beautiful rural area is really really low risk. You are probably far more likely to be involved in an accident while driving to a beauty spot than suffering harm while walking there.

There’s some good suggestions here. Of course you don’t want to get a dog just to feel ‘safer’ - a dog is a massive life decision and it wouldn’t be right to commit to one just for that. But perhaps borrowing a dog and walking with a buddy is the way to go for now... look on it as a graduated approach to working up to walking alone. I still think a walking buddy who knows the local routes and also walks alone is ideal. She can talk to you about the routes she takes and perhaps hearing first hand from someone just like yourself who happily walks alone will all alleviate your fear

I walk on my own in the countryside. I bought the OS maps app which is absolutely brilliant. You can plot a route before you go, download the map and set off and it will track where you are. It highlights all the footpaths and bridleways. That alone made me feel so much better (just knowing I wasn't going to get lost!). It also shows you common routes people take etc.

My advice would be start small. I started off walking to the nearest pub and back and now do a bit longer. The more you do them, the more confident you will feel. But definitely do the short ones to start with to get your confidence up. And get a walking backpack and take water, a snack and a waterproof even on the small walks. It's just a process of getting used to it I think.

I walk in rural areas and woodlands alone for my job and have had 2 scary incidents that I have managed to get away from but that is over a 20 yr span. So it is worth thinking about and there is definitely some risk attached to being a female.

Also download What3Words on your phone. It's a system being increasingly used by the emergency services in place of a grid reference that people can so easily get wrong. Pinpoints exactly where you are if you ever need it

I wild camp out sometimes on my own but find it less enjoyable than it would be if my friend was there

It's hard to keep your fears rational when you're on your own. I'm not saying it's irrational to fear people but I mean the scale of the likelihood means that the axe murderer behind that tree is a real statistical oddity, but without someone to bounce that off its easy to get carried away.

As with anything you want to overcome, positive exposure is the only way

I’d walk alone in a city but not in some isolated woods/forest/field etc devoid of cctv and witnesses.

I don’t know why but pretty much wherever I go men approach me. I think if men generally left me alone I’d feel a bit better about exploring woods solo