AIBU to think this is wildly excessive?

[pinata]

DD aged 12 has recently started going shopping with her friends. We give her around £30 to spend each time, which I had thought was actually fairly generous. However, her friends are turning up each time with £200 - £500, which I am completely astonished by. I wouldn’t spend that on myself, never mind giving it to a 12 year old for a shopping trip. None of the families are especially well off, living in a not great urban area. I also think showering money on kids stops them understanding the value of it and the amount of effort it takes to earn. I had thought it was just one particular friend, but they’re all doing it

AIBU to think this is utterly and wildly excessive, or have I lost touch somewhere along the way?

Yes it's excessive.

Surely they are spending birthday money or cash they've saved themselves from pocket money/babysitting.

Or they're lying.

Who told you that? I don't believe it for a minute.

Crikey - that’s crazy! Unless there’s something particular that the child needs that she is shopping for (eg a new coat), then £30 is really generous for fripperies etc. And, to be honest, if I was buying such an expensive item, I would probably want to go with her to choose it to make sure that she bought something fit for purpose rather than just “cool”. YANBU.

I experienced similar with my kids with parents much less well off than our family giving their kids tons of money for shopping trips, buying branded clothes.

My kids had £30 pocket money a month and never moaned. They were all driven to get a job at 16 and they did. They became much more economical with their money and spent it wisely, looking at bargains rather than buying the latest expensive trend.

As young adults, they are very good with money, invested and have some savings. The number of friends who got in bad debts during Uni, spending without much care was quite shocking. They still seem to be endlessly buying stuff and staring they can't save.

You are doing the right thing and don't feel under pressure to match her friends. Maybe she can go on fewer trips out and instead join an activity mixing with other friends.

I also wouldn’t want a child so young walking around with that much cash anyway!

Their parents deal crack

Crikey YANBU at all. Any chance the kids are involved in online stuff? I’d probably query it with their parents.

Check they’re telling the truth. My 11 year old is always telling me that “everyone” has a better phone than her and “everyone” gets more pocket money than she does. Her friend was round last night and she whined about her “rubbish phone” (iPhone SE) for her friend to produce a bashed up ten year old Samsung and tell her she was lucky. Kids say stuff. Maybe they’ve had birthday money at different points and it seems, to her, that this happens every time.
YANBU, they need to learn the value of money and how to earn it.

If that's true, then it's ridiculous. To me, even £30 for a 12 year old is either kind and generous or a bit excessive depending on how often the trips are and what the money is being spent on (eg if it's partly spent on things that she needs and that you would have taken her to buy anyway or if it's only spent on extras).

My dd's get a fiver!! Ten if for something specific!

£30 sounds absolutely fine. I would also wonder about the £500. Unless you've seen it with your own eyes I'd suspect there's some exaggeration from the kids.

Have you actually seen this money or is your daughter telling you this?

Phew - thought it was just me and that things had changed since my day, somehow. I’ve seen the hauls they come back with, so it’s definitely true. I think it’s the same situation @dontdisturbmenow describes. They are decent families (ie nothing dodgy going on) but the amount of money doesn’t tally at all with the rest of their lives. Small houses, no car, cheap or no holidays. I can’t understand why they would lavish that amount of money on shopping trips for kids, or even where they get it from. We’re a bit better off but I wouldn’t dream of giving DD anywhere like that amount, for reasons too numerous to mention

@cariadlet that’s what I thought. I usually calculate £10 for food and a drink while out, then my instinct was max a tenner on top. But seeing these people, I upped it to £30 in total so DD wouldn’t feel too left out. It’s hard for her on these trips, because of this huge excess with the others. Part of the joy of going out with friends for me was always looking for something I really wanted, not just being able to buy everything

Yanbu. I haven't got that much to spare just for my child to go shopping with but even if I did I wouldn't want them walking around with that much and I'd worry they could waste it on stupid stuff.

I wouldn't give more than £10 unless it was something specific. Primark is super cheap! I suspect that the kid in question had birthday money though

Are you sure they aren't shoplifting?

I wouldn't believe it for one minute.

The only scenario where I can imagine giving a child that amount of money to go shopping would be if they were going to college and had to buy lots of kit, casual clothes and shoes (if they had a uniform previously) or equipment for their course.
A 12 year old wouldn't need that.

That’s very very unusual op.

I would give £5 for food and tell them to use pocket money. If they had less than £10 I would top that up to that. They could take a voucher if had one from birthday.

As previous poster has said Primark is cheap enough to get a few bits. H and M reasonable too.

I havent got much money but I would prefer any extra we have is used to save for a cheap holiday we all can enjoy.

Very odd.

My immediate thought was something dodgy- like older men giving them cash for “favours” or county lines. It’s doesn’t tally the money they have the households they come from. If it was a one off you could think- oh it’s been saved up or it’s a special treat. But if it’s regular then alarm bells are ringing for me.

How good/open is your relationship with your Dd? What is her and those girls SM like?

I don’t want to scare you but I would be worried if it were my daughter.

I think £30 is a lot tbh. Surely you just give £10 - a meal would be £5 and then a bit extra for sweets or milkshake etc. I would struggle to afford the £30 tbh. I don't think I would want DD to go out on shopping trips like that.

£30 sounds more than reasonable i give DD14 similar and if she wants more she has to take her own from Christmas or birthday. I would only give her extra if she needed something specific that we would normally pay for. No way would she be getting £500 to blow on whatever took her fancy. Something sounds off surely no one randomly hands out that sort of cash to their teens!

My immediate thought was something dodgy- like older men giving them cash for “favours” or county lines.

This.
£200-£500 is our entire Christmas budget.
Nobody has that kind of money lying around, to just gift their children to spend every few weeks or so.

Surely not? If true that's ridiculous.