Serious? Do men know the slightest about women

[Gothamgirl1970]

Posting here for traffic and opinions.

As it’s 3 am and I am posting it’s because I simply am perplexed and need the hive mind.
Dating apps: presumably a person joins up because they would like to meet someone for company, to find love, just a shag or probably 100 other reasons I can’t contemplate this late.
I’m not sure if this holds true for all age groups but what I’ve observed is in men 46-58. In the profile area you can post some photos if you wish. A lot of men do but write no bio which tells me nothing and essentially they are just a body.
Here’s my serious question. Approximately 60% of men with photos lead the opening photo of themselves In Lycra gear with a helmet and sunglasses on, a bit of mud displaying their bicycle with pride. In many cases all 3 photos will be man and bike. Mid flight, crossing some finish line etc.
I know lots of women who are also befuddled by why a man would think bike photos would interest any woman in him at all. Shouldn’t they put a photo that shows the face, and is in a friendly happy pose?
What is it these cycle mad men are trying to convey? I cycle most of the time so I won’t have any time to spend with you? I want a woman who will cycle with me ? Look at my bike it’s impressive? I look decent in Lycra?
Please help. My friends and I are dying to know why they do this and what they are trying to communicate and further who are they thinking they can attract with this?

AIBU to not have to look at literally hundreds of cycling photos?

My narcissistic, sociopathic ex went on several dating sites, while we were living together (I didn't realise until later). He posted bio (about 15 lines), which he copied and pasted from the internet. I'd never have guessed the bio related to him!!!!! We lived together for a long time and have 3 grown up children. Be EXTREMELY careful when using online dating sites.

@winniestone37

Hold on, man loves cycling- Obviously thinks it’s a relevant part of character- Posts on dating website. Women scrolling through website isn’t interested and feels man needs to be berated and shamed as photos is not to her liking. Women thinks man has problem. You sound ridiculous. If more the images/bios/men that don’t do anything for you and find ones that do. Spend less time blaming men on MN.

And less time justifying that blame with pseudoscience.

I guess the bike helmet might hide the balding spot/receding hairline? I can't think of anything worse than a picture of a MAMIL, in terms of a lure. But then there are all those chaps who post weird bathroom selfies or pictures of themselves holding a large fish...

Oh, I've just seen the post by @stuckdownahole. That's a much better explanation, and really quite sweet.

You look gorgeous, OP, and sound so interesting in your posts. I'd date you! But, honestly, there has to be some nice intelligent bloke out there for you, if you want a man in your life. OLD should not have to be this difficult, I think you'd need nerves of steel to do it. Wishing you all the best.

I went to meet a man I'd known from school many years ago - not with a view to romance but just out of interest. I didn't ask for a photo because it didn't matter what he looked like. He's no Adonis but he's got a cracking personality and after two dates I was hooked.

What they think it shows: fit, healthy, sexy.

What it actually shows: ex left bc he spent too much time cycling.

I spent 18 months swiping and was always at some of the photos and bios men included. I’m in the North so a LOT of men holding large fish. Wearing waders. I was cycling widow with my ex, so I knew the signs to watch for. People post photos of what is on their camera roll and they take photos of what is important to them. If they have several photos of them at the gym, posing with their car or at the pub with mates looking hammered - that’s what’s important. And a bio saying “ask me anything” - FFS, do the work. And it’s like bingo spotting the phrases “looking for my partner in crime” “love nights in and nights out”.

I’m 50 and I eventually found that younger men were much more my scene. Less judgmental, less hooked on hobbies, not looking for someone to look after them in their retirement. And a lot of men in their 30s love and appreciate older women. I have a 40yo BF now and I’m very happy two months in.

It's the men holding fish that always gets to me haha.

I'm gonna get flamed for this, but OP, do you have ASD?

Coz you overthink everything, imho.

If I set up a dating profile (will never happen) I would be sensible to put lots of pics of me on bike (coz I do spend a lot of time there). If this ever happens I will let y'all know if I attract interest. My Strava profile reveals how very slow I am, mind. #MAWIL

I am not on a dating app but I see these pictures all the time on SM. There are loads of pics on bikes, running in a half marathon or 10K or hiking on a mountain. What gets me though is, if they were that active why the massive beer belly? Surely all that activity would give you the BMI if Chris Hoy?

@Notyouraveragecliche At what point are these men in a river saying to their mates - take my photo, this is what the wimminz want to see!

@lljkk Do you have asd? Do you know anyone with asd? Do you know anything about asd? I think not after that comment.

@lljkk no I don’t have an ASD. I am interested in human behaviour and how people relate to each other particularly with regard to understanding how different genders understand what the other gender relates to.

I’ll probably not get flamed for this: Are you discriminatory towards people with disabilities? Are you a doctor specialising in the diagnosis of ASD or a scientific researcher with years of experience studying the massive spectrum of ASD manifestations?

Or are you just a person who suggests people are disabled (a recognised medical disability) when you don’t understand or disagree with how they think and communicate?

@accessorizequeen thank you xx

I reckon you're using strava incorrectly!

@cbt944 thank you so much for the lovely sentiment.
You bring me to the end of my story.
I had one amazing message from a man who was sensitive, funny, insightful, age appropriate for me, didn’t live 200 miles away, lots of common interests, employed, not living with an ex wife or his parents, etc.

His photos were normal. To me he was attractive and his personality made him more so. I don’t think the majority of other women would have considered him “hot” on looks alone, but for me he was pretty much the total package.
We exchanged numbers and chatted on the phone often over a 3 week period and made plans to meet (3 week delay was due to social distancing policy at the time)

4 days prior to the meeting day, he rang me sheepishly and apologetically. His 24 year old son was shown my photos and profile and was worried that his father potentially was being “catfished” because “women like her don’t need dating apps” and the son did a reverse image search on my photos and was relieved to find out I was who I said I was. The fact he could actually understand my accent was a real plus for me too because I sometimes have to repeat myself to people.
Except there was a problem. I told my prospective date in general terms about what I did for employment, but not where or at what level. Not only because it really wasn’t that relevant but also because of safety as this person was still a man I never met in person and was a stranger on the internet.
He told me that he knew that I was extremely unique, supremely intelligent, very beautiful, funny and warm. However although his son was looking out for his safety he now understood that the “difference in our financial resources was as vast as the ocean” and he did not feel that he could ever feel we were equals when I was so much more affluent than he. And he cancelled.

So I was dumped prior to even meeting for being everything he wanted except for having too much money. I personally think that is absolutely ludicrous however my brother and Male friends tell me that reason makes total sense to them.

Which leads me to being content single, focusing on my

@Singlenotsingle

You have summed it up perfectly. Most women fall for a mate with their hearts and their brains.

Men tend to choose women with their eyes.

@TomPinch since you seem to have a good handle on psychology, psychiatry, science and pseudoscience, it would be great since you seem to have spare time enough to post here trying to discredit other’s posts without supplying any backing citations as to why you write posts off as “pseudoscience” if you could please do this:

Email the department head of experimental psychology or better still a Don or Emeritus in psychiatry at Oxford University and share with them that you feel that they are lecturing, training, authoring, and contributing to world renowned research based on pseudoscience. You can close with your sentiments that graduates who have read these 2 disciplines and devoted decades of their lives studying and training there to obtain degrees are idiots.

Frankly the majority of male profiles don't really give a good impression. Crappy pictures, poor spelling in the bio, if they even bother to post one whereas I think women make much more of an effort.

The laziness often continues with crappy messages and a general sense of entitlement.

I think that is especially true with middle-aged men. They seem to think that no matter what they look like or how they behave, a (usually much younger) woman will be dazzled by what they have to offer.

I think the harsh reality is that when you get to middle-age, you will find lots of great, sensible and interesting women but very few 'decent', sane men with the same attributes on these sites.

One of the reasons why I gave up on OLD...

Gotham Girl* that's one of the most ridiculous excuses I've ever heard!

I think your man with the son was just a common or garden time waster, doing OLD for an ego boost but with little intention of actually meeting a partner. Possibly avoidant - dismissive personality type. He tried really hard to find that reason to rehect you, didn't he?

What adult male relies on stalking based research carried out by their son and then relies on it when it uncovers nothing but a well paid job? Does he have no mind of his own? Sounds like an excuse to reject - some men get a kick out of rejecting women.

I agree with IncandescentSilver
I am sorry you were let down by your man who wasn't. Anyone who was sensitive and insightful would at least have met you face to face and dealt with the money thing then

I am a middle aged man seeking someone from OLD, and just have one photo of my face. Maybe I am doing it wrong not having a photo of me on my bike

Oh I've been dumped for being too intelligent.

In my day job I work in a shop.

All the rest of the time I write books. But people only SEE the shop work thing. And then they meet me and realise that I use long words. i talk in complicated sentences. I have a background in biology, I write psychologically complex characters (and understand them).

Men want a woman who works in a shop to be one who cooks, cleans and doesn't use the word 'olfactory' very often.

They like the photo of themselves; maybe they don't have much to say about themselves. Much prefer to meet for coffee and chat more?

“women like her don’t need dating apps”

I'm not well paid but I got the same from several men in dating sites "why are you on here?" "Why are you on dating sites?", "What's a cutie like you doing on here?" Etc etc.

Plus the classic "why are you single", always asked by them but an explanation of why they are single, never offered or deemed remotely necessary.

The former I found really really frustrating .. like it hadn't occurred to them that by 35 the vast vast majority of men I met were attached, that I got a night out with friends once or twice a year due to their commitments, that even if I encountered a very (very!) small number of single men they might hit all my basic requirements or vice versa, even if the only requirements were being remotely attracted to them and getting along to some extent.

The explain why you're single thing really used to piss me off. It was hard not to snap back "well, why are you?".

*might not hit

So I was dumped prior to even meeting for being everything he wanted except for having too much money. I personally think that is absolutely ludicrous however my brother and Male friends tell me that reason makes total sense to them.

I relayed this to my partner and he out his hands to his head laughing and said "he's an idiot".

However I can actually grasp what understand how he might have felt (if it's genuinely the reason he decided not to set up a date).

He didn't want to be subsidised in your lifestyle, and feel inferior/parasitic etc. A d if you dropped to activities he could afford, he always be wondering big you really wanted to do something else and were restricting yourself and dumbing down yourself (financially as it were) to meet his level. He didnt want to feel inferior and he didn't want you subbing him, and he didn't want you always compromising (perhaps leading to frustration, resentment etc) on what you wanted to do for it to be affordable split equally.

@DancingCatGif

Men have no interest in pandering to women because most of them think they should be accepted just as they are.

Women feel they need to improve themselves, market themselves, lose weight, put on makeup, remove every hair from eyebrows down because they feel like they aren't enough.

Most men just go tada, here I am, fat, useless, ugly, sweaty, self obsessed, bike obsessed or whatever they are and some poor deluded woman will take them on anyway.

Lol lol lol lol