Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

Also why was A favoured? Did A make an effort? We know my DH won't get anything from his aunt because his aunt favours his cousins and to be fair they make more effort with her

F sounds like she was correctly judged by the grandparent. Doesn't even know that she's inherited nothing, body barely cold, and she's bitching with her cousins about A's inheritance? What a charmless way to act

Absolutely. F, and her cheerleaders, sound so thoroughly unpleasant, entitled and greedy.

I commiserated with a colleague recently on the death of her father. The man was not yet buried. And she said thanked me then went on to tell me that she’d be getting a sizeable inheritance and would be retiring early on the back of it. I was gobsmacked. The man was not even in his grave. And I was only a colleague, not a close friend or confidante. I couldn’t get over how greedy and utterly crass she was.

@SciFiScream

Is this true in Scotland too? Argh. Makes my personal experience so much worse.

Yes. If only one person is giving up part of a share then only they need agree.

When my father died in Scotland I didn't want it as he was a vile man. A DOV was done to give it to two step-siblings despite my actual siblings kicking off about it. I was the only person disadvantaged by the DOV so I was the only one who had to agree.

I suspect that F and/or G may be your child.
I would just say that we have to make our own way in life and we should not be relying on someone else to die to have money.

I still feel hurt that a step grandparent who for me was the only grandparent I had known so did not “feel” like step left 250k property divided by “real” grandchildren. Despite so much more real life interaction from myself and sibling.
However nothing was done and we all respected the wishes.
It genuinely wasn’t just the cash especially after a whole lifetime of memories it was just sad. There was no falling out or anything it’s just what was in the will.

@sammylady37

F sounds like she was correctly judged by the grandparent. Doesn't even know that she's inherited nothing, body barely cold, and she's bitching with her cousins about A's inheritance? What a charmless way to act

Absolutely. F, and her cheerleaders, sound so thoroughly unpleasant, entitled and greedy.

I commiserated with a colleague recently on the death of her father. The man was not yet buried. And she said thanked me then went on to tell me that she’d be getting a sizeable inheritance and would be retiring early on the back of it. I was gobsmacked. The man was not even in his grave. And I was only a colleague, not a close friend or confidante. I couldn’t get over how greedy and utterly crass she was.

Yes. I have a couple of wealthy relatives who I have very little relationship with. If they leave me a lot of money then it won't come with a lot of grief.

But I wouldn't dream of being so crass about it to ANYONE. (It's the sort of thing my FIL would do though...)

@SciFiScream - Yes, it is the same in Scotland. If only one person is giving up some of their inheritance they don't need anyone else's agreement.

WW3 has kicked off, some how F has no idea as nobody wants to deal with the aftermath of telling her but she’s jumped on the bandwagon of being against A.
Why is F jumping on the bandwagon being against A if she supposedly has no idea and you are still wondering how to break it to her?
If F does not know what has happened then I find this behaviour unacceptable. She's turned against A because others have without knowing what it's about.
She doesn't sound that pleasant to be honest and this could be a reason why she has not inherited anything.

No matter what will people write there will always be someone claiming it's unfair and all the rest of it.
I'm in another country and there is a reserved portion of the estate which HAS to be willed to the spouse and another portion which HAS to be willed to the children and another portion which you can distribute however you wish.
I don't know what the proportions are as I am unmarried and have no children so I was able to write a will disposing of 100% of everything as I chose but if I were to marry now and have children and died before rewriting my will, the portions would go to the spouse and children and those people currently named in my will as it stand would split the rest.
Perhaps the UK needs some kind of law like that.

Perhaps the UK needs some kind of law like that.

Scotland has laws about children in wills. Laws are different in different parts of the UK.

The reason this could become a shot show of a will is inheritance tax. Depending on the value of A’s items of property, the cash element presumably has to be used to pay the IHT. Does the will specify whether the real property is free of tax or which share pays the tax? May turn out that only A gets anything at all

Money turns us into arseholes. As the parents of the grandchildren I would be disappointed in my parent.

I, however, would be mortified at the WW3 antics of my children screeching it’s not fair

I'm in Scotland. When a relative died my sibling and I got the "legal minimum" allowed under the "cannot disinherit children" rule. Our parent was the child but parent pre-deceased both her parents which is why my sibling and I inherited.

However my parent's siblings received many multiples of our legal minimum. It made me very sad for our parent and what this represented (not for us).

Arguably my parent's siblings could have done a DOV to benefit us a little more. If need was ever considered...we needed it more than they did.

However what's done is done. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@lyralalala

Perhaps the UK needs some kind of law like that.

Scotland has laws about children in wills. Laws are different in different parts of the UK.

Sorry, did not realize that in relation to wills in Scotland. I did know about laws relating to other things being different.

I'll re-phrase what I said, perhaps England needs some kind of law like that.

The reason this could become a shot show of a will is inheritance tax. Depending on the value of A’s items of property, the cash element presumably has to be used to pay the IHT. Does the will specify whether the real property is free of tax or which share pays the tax? May turn out that only A gets anything at all

Good point and then there's the issue of solicitors' fees depending on what work needs to be done to wrap up the estate. That money will have to come out of somewhere too.
Yup, will is a shit show.

Scots Law allows for children to get a prescribed share of the “movable estate” which is cash, shares, furniture etc

However, for most ordinary people, their major asset is their home and other property and that’s not included. Lots of older people are cash poor, or have moved cash before they die.

So most children who claim their “ legal rights “ will get a relatively small sum, compared to the overall value of the estate. Unless of course the deceased was very wealthy, but such people usually have good lawyers and accountants.

These rights don’t apply to grandchildren unless their parent has predeceased them.

( I’m not a solicitor, This is my lay persons understanding of this ).

Has anyone been brave enough to tell F yet?

It’s not about ‘punishing’ niece B. It’s about acknowledging and respecting the relationship with niece A. Frankly, I don’t care enough about niece B to want to hurt or punish her. My will is about acknowledging those I’m close to.

THIS ^

EXACTLY - thank you

Guess a lot of those commenting on how unfair it is are the ones also slating their In laws on here for small mis-demeanors, go low or no contact, then would kick off massively if they were not included in their wills. Family dynamics can be complex and unless we know the full back story of why the dgc have been left out of the wills, its impossible to form an opinion. My brother got left the house of an elderly uncle a couple of years ago, but he was the one who used to do his shopping and called up twice a week whilst I just used to see him at Christmas. I was not self entitled enough to think I deserved any of the house.

Guess a lot of those commenting on how unfair it is are the ones also slating their In laws on here for small mis-demeanors, go low or no contact, then would kick off massively if they were not included in their wills

I’ve been here a very long time and I don’t remember ever seeing a post from someone who expected to be included in their in-laws will, especially if they are NC.

Could you link to some of these threads please @Livelovebehappy? I’d like to read them.

Don’t let them bully A into sharing- the money could change their life, that’s what the grandparent wanted.

It's a painful will, clearly showing favourites, but who knows why or why not this was justified or not!
It's a clear will, the real shit show is when it's not clear...

allison I did say 'would' not 'have'.

The will is a recipe for A's ostracism from the wider family - by envious others and their newly privileged, self-protective selves.

Might that in any way have been part of the GP's plan? Did they think A was either 'better' and should live a different, better life? Or that they were in some way vulnerable and already a bit separate and needed a protective financial cushion?

Been there. MIL left everything to dgc1(23) and specifically wrote out her 3 sons, dgc1's sister (17) and the other 3 dgc(6-8). With the house equity it was probably well over £400k.

Her will, her choice, but it was very unexpected, unexplainable, and the damage to relationships she has done is irreversible. Thankfully ds was too young to really notice. Dh who was closest to his mum out of all the sons, couldn't understand it and took it really hard.

The dgc she left it too (and his dad who was the executor), have left the house sitting empty for 6 years now, with all her possessions and her ashes sitting in it. The mortgage company is starting repossession proceedings. Such a waste.

My best advice, is tell everyone what the will said and support them to deal with the emotions. Don't try to whitewash it, or make up explainations when you don't know her reasoning. Don't try to vary the will, this should only happen if the main beneficiaries offer. Life will move on.