Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

A can choose to do what they like but the fact remains that the family members who gets left everything, often in unfair situations cannot expect others to just be OK

How grabby, the grand kids have no entitlement. Turning on the person who got it is awful. And posting “this is the right way” makes it no such thing, that’s just you opinion on the right way.

My sisters may do otherwise but I would not continue a relationship with someone who was able to do this to a sibling or cousin

Wow. They didn’t do it. The grand parent Did.

The posters banging on about “ greed “ and “ money grabbing “ really have no idea what it’s actually about

I agree - I've seen, close to, what it does to someone to be left out of a parent's will, with no explanation.

How many times does one have to say it: it's not about the money - the money is symbolic of love, care, and regard. It can be a shock to realise that one's very existence was of so little account to someone very close to you.

The story upthread of @FallingOffTheBed's friend is quite heart-breaking. How to find out your lack of value in the eyes of your mother.

This thread has made me realise that I have no idea what was in any of my grandparents wills. I was alive when 3 of them died, and had a good relationship with them, but I haven't the foggiest how any of them divided their assets. It’s not something I’ve given any consideration to until today. Perhaps some of my cousins inherited money/other assets, perhaps they didn’t. I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care. Good luck to my cousins if they did. I’m not one bit bitter, resentful or jealous. If my grandparents wanted to leave something specifically to me, they’d have done so. They didn’t. Their choice. It doesn’t sully my memory of them in any way.

I would have thought normally inheritance would pass to children, and the grandchildren would not feature much apart from tokens?

Pressuring A is cuntier than the grandparent.

Like it or not that's how the will was written. It's really grabby to expect A to share the money. Usually it's those who shout the loudest that would have kept it all to themselves if they had been the ones to inherit.

Is OP the executor?
I have a feeling OP is parent of A, MNers are good at angst and OP is wondering if A should share.
I would keep the hell out of this as much as possible if I wasn't executor.
If OP is very fond of F then offer emotional support. Not much else you can do.

I did not talk about pressuring A. I said if I was A I would do the right thing. The grandparent may have made the decision but the person left the bulk of the money has a chance to put things right.

And its not about being grabby or about the money, it's about the relationships left behind and the feelings of being cut out and forgotten. I would not do this to my sisters or cousins. I would make amends if I was A.

If my sisters did this to me or my cousins then they would have to understand why I now think, that they think so little of me that they did not bother to make redress.

Yes the grandparent did this but A is the only one in the position to sort it. And to repeat, I'm not talking about pressuring A or going nuclear or being rude or fracturing the family etc. Simply I would leave the situation alone but if A did not make redress, it would show me what they thought of me, rightly or wrongly. I would think that they agreed with the grandparents decision to cut me out. I would not go no contact but I would quietly remove myself from active involvement. They would be making tacit agreement with what the grandparent thought and that would make me sad. Like others have said, it's about the thoughts and feelings more than the money.

*I did not talk about pressuring A. I said if I was A I would do the right thing. The grandparent may have made the decision but the person left the bulk of the money has a chance to put things right.

And its not about being grabby or about the money, it's about the relationships left behind and the feelings of being cut out and forgotten. I would not do this to my sisters or cousins. I would make amends if I was A*

If it genuinely is ‘not about the money’, why is A expected to ‘make amends’ for the actions of someone else? A doing so won’t undo the ‘feeling of being cut out and forgotten’, everyone will still know and remember what was in the will. Why would anyone want to have money that someone didn’t want to give them? Would they not perceive it as tainted? Unless of course, it is actually all about the money and they don’t care that it wasn’t intended for them, as long as they get their hands on it.

Guess a lot of those commenting on how unfair it is are the ones also slating their In laws on here for small mis-demeanors, go low or no contact, then would kick off massively if they were not included in their wills. Family dynamics can be complex and unless we know the full back story of why the dgc have been left out of the wills, its impossible to form an opinion

Very true

@sammylady37

*I did not talk about pressuring A. I said if I was A I would do the right thing. The grandparent may have made the decision but the person left the bulk of the money has a chance to put things right.

And its not about being grabby or about the money, it's about the relationships left behind and the feelings of being cut out and forgotten. I would not do this to my sisters or cousins. I would make amends if I was A*

If it genuinely is ‘not about the money’, why is A expected to ‘make amends’ for the actions of someone else? A doing so won’t undo the ‘feeling of being cut out and forgotten’, everyone will still know and remember what was in the will. Why would anyone want to have money that someone didn’t want to give them? Would they not perceive it as tainted? Unless of course, it is actually all about the money and they don’t care that it wasn’t intended for them, as long as they get their hands on it.

Absolutely! The damage has been done. If it wasn’t about the money, sharing it out “fairly” wouldn’t even be a consideration in fixing the problem. It’s aaaallllllll about the money. Which is probably why grandma didn’t leave them any.

I did not talk about pressuring A. I said if I was A I would do the right thing. The grandparent may have made the decision but the person left the bulk of the money has a chance to put things right

The right thing in your eyes. Thr grandparent made the Will they wished. It is not down to a to decide if this was right or wrong. Or for the others to decide they were entitled, stick their hands out and expect a to give them money,

The damage was done by the grand parent.and only subsequent damage would be done by others deciding they wanted it and damaging their own relationship with a due to their grabbyness and greed.

The grandparent left them what they left them, there is no further entitlement,

How many times does one have to say it: it's not about the money - the money is symbolic of love, care, and regard. It can be a shock to realise that one's very existence was of so little account to someone very close to you.

Absolutely!

The will seems very clear and concise. Hardly a shitshow of a will, you're just not in agreement, but that doesn't matter, you're only there to carry out the wishes. You had an inkling, so why agree to be executor if it troubles you?

@RealBecca

Pressuring A is cuntier than the grandparent.

Totally agree.

Whilst I understand what PP have said about the lack of inheritance being hurtful and symbolic of the lack of regard, how on earth would bullying a more highly regarded GC to give you money compensate for that?

The will should be settled as it was made out.

From my years reading MN threads on wills it seems they are sometimes the last chance a nasty and spiteful person has to be nasty and spiteful to their family. What a legacy.

The damage was done by the grand parent.and only subsequent damage would be done by others deciding they wanted it and damaging their own relationship with a due to their grabbyness and greed.The grandparent left them what they left them, there is no further entitlement

True. But none of that precludes some damage being repaired were A to say “dear cousins, this does not seem fair to me and I would like to share out the money equally”.

If they felt that that is what they wanted to do.

How many times does one have to say it: it's not about the money - the money is symbolic of love, care, and regard. It can be a shock to realise that one's very existence was of so little account to someone very close to you

So then why do people want the money that the deceased didn’t want them to have? If it was all about principles, redistribution of the money wouldn’t change the apparent hurt.

Well, redistribution of the money says

“ I don’t think that what grandfather did was right. I don’t agree that girls are worth less than boys / disabled people are worth less than abled / adopted kids are worth less than bio kids / single people are worth less than married people / atheists are worth less than people who have a faith / whatever “.

It’s a recognition of unfairness and an attempt to make amends, even though it wasn’t that person who did wrong. It’s like the Criminal Injuries compensation.

It’s very different if the money wasn’t left to one person because they are in prison for murder / have an addiction / mental illness and would waste it. In those cases, a fair person would leave the money to their children ( if any ) or in trust .

What devastates families is vindictiveness and bigotry of some wills - as a PP said it’s the last act of a nasty and spiteful person.

If it wasn't about the money then there would be no point in sharing because the damage would already have been done to the person left out. So lets face it, where wills are concerned it's always about the money.

She will be devastated not only because she really needs the money

It was never her money and she should never have assumed she’d be entitled to any of it. If she needs money then she needs to do what everyone else does - get a job, second job, extra shifts.

If it wasn't about the money then there would be no point in sharing because the damage would already have been done to the person left out. So lets face it, where wills are concerned it's always about the money

Yep. The perceived damage has been done at the point of the will excluding someone or favouring someone hugely. Money won’t undo that. The aggrieved person will still know that their relative didn’t value them enough/as much as others/at all (their interpretation) and knowing a different person thought that was wrong doesn’t undo that. It’s apparently about how the bequests represent love and consideration and lack of a bequest shows the absence of that. It’s all about the principle but can apparently be mended by cold hard cash.

So, rather than distributing among the family 'A' might consider giving it all to a charity? As some posters have said its not about the money so that should save all family relationships since no one will benefit from inheritance.Fair??

There is also the perception that now their siblings/cousins are having a much easier life due to windfall that wasn’t shared equally due to the vindictive nature of the person who passed away.