Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

If the family is going to be torn apart its because their own sense of entitlement and jealousy.You cant blame a dead person for it.They can choose to be happy for the lucky one like if someone wins a lottery.Everyone is responsible for their own reaction.

Jesus. I'm so glad I know I'm not going to inherit anything! You see it all the time. When someone dies, families fall out about what they get!
My auntie always said, if she had anything to leave, she'd leave it all to a donkey sanctuary!! 😂. This situation brings out the greed in some people that's for sure!

@Regretsandregrets

If the family is going to be torn apart its because their own sense of entitlement and jealousy.You cant blame a dead person for it.They can choose to be happy for the lucky one like if someone wins a lottery.Everyone is responsible for their own reaction.

This is so true. Encourage your children, at least, to behave well over this. Poor A, it's not their fault and they shouldn't feel guilt or be blamed for it.

I would be supporting the spurned grandchildren to be resilient in the face of this:

We can’t control what others think and do, only how we react
We need to make our happiness and security dependent on our own selves, not others
None of us ever had this money, nor could have expected it, so no worse off
It is OK to have bad thoughts and feelings about someone who has treated us less favourably than they have tested others...
But no use allowing that to undermine our own happiness and strength
You are a good person if you are a good person, no matter how anyone else treats you.

This situation brings out the greed in some people that's for sure!

It is not that simple, dh was devasted when his mum left everything to one dgc. It wasn't about the money, I won't lie and say it wouldn't have been nice, it was not understanding why his child was not as loved, important, or remembered even with a token, and his mum wasn't there to ask her reasoning. The will was cold and legal and contradicted what she had previously verbally indicated. He'll never know why and it has left him forever confused about her lies and the relationship he had with her.

That is very harsh, Wings - it's very cruel to do something like that. As you say, it's not so much the value of any bequest, it's the "But why? What is wrong with me/ my child? Why didn't they tell me that they were going to do this and explain why?"

It's spiteful and cowardly not to even give a reason in the will.

When something like this flags up things about the will writer's personality, that you didn't know were there, it results in you rethinking many things from the past and probably remembering them much less fondly.

What can you do?
GD obviously knew what they were doing when they wrote the will, and would be an idiot if they didn't realise Gc A would be rejected by the rest of the family for receiving the most.

All you can do is step back and let things play out.

Did they also miss out their own children

@Aridane

OP - you seem to be relishing the drama of it.

Grandparent skipped a generation in legacies under the will - some grandchildren have the good forty to benefit from this, others don’t. That’s it

Relishing? Wow, that's a nasty comment to make. OP seems upset and concerned.

Are grandchildren F and G by any chance the two youngest? I only ask because many grandparents are much more attached to the first few grandchildren. This can be especially true of grandchildren born very late in the grandparent's life (in my experience).

Unless you’re grandchild A then you’ve no right to be asking if Should be sharing rhe inheritance.

All this greed. Envy over who got what. The Will is the will . It always happens with wills in families, folk turn into vultures. The grand kids need to accept it and move on.not get grabby and attack the person who inherited the most.

In MIL family, her mother got nothing, her aunt got it all. The sisters never spoke for the rest of their lives.

This is the kind of bomb this gp has now unleashed

@topcat2014

In MIL family, her mother got nothing, her aunt got it all. The sisters never spoke for the rest of their lives.

This is the kind of bomb this gp has now unleashed

Yes that's the thing isnt it, the hurt and upset the gps have left behind.

Really, when it comes to grandkids what kind of nasty person leaves a house to one and nothing to another.

One of my questions would be about when the will was made. It's common for people to make a will then not update it for life changes - incouding birth of new grandchildren. But it sounds like it is not the case in this situation.

One of my friends is single and without children. Her sister has two children. Their mother told her that she was leaving everytuing to the sister wuith children because then it would trickle down through the family and it would be wasted if it just went to my friend. That caused huge huge issues. My friend was despertaely and completely hurt and felt like it meant her life did not matter in the eyes of her parents.

Thsi was about 5 years ago she was told this and i can honestly say it contributed to her developing an extremely bitter and angry outlook on life in general. Her hurt was huge and I am not sure she has recovered. She is now someone who is anrgy and bitter about other people and what they have as opposed to what she has.

I know that this is largely irrelevant, but the thread made me think of it.

Its not your fault you dont have to justify grandparents decision, just be open and honest and acknowledge its a bit sh*t for some of the grandchildren.
Its up to A if they want to do a deed of variation to make things fairer, my DH and his brother did this when their sister was written out of their dads will, their sister and father were estranged and hadnt spoken for years but its completely up to A they are within their rights to keep it all. Some people like to manipulate from beyond the grave others have genuine reasons for making an unfair/ unbalanced will.

Have read this whole thread with interest as a future A. I haven’t a clue what to do or anyone I trust to discuss it with. In the worst case scenario it could likely ruin my relationship with siblings for good, although I understand why my grandparent has done what they have done too. I wish I didn’t know about it really, but it will all have to be dealt with in time anyway.

@falling gosh there are some evil old people about, I feel for your friend.

A will is also a public document, so anyone interested can see who was the favourite, and who the least liked. That can add a lot more hurt to an already painful situation.

@FallingOffTheBed

One of my questions would be about when the will was made. It's common for people to make a will then not update it for life changes - incouding birth of new grandchildren. But it sounds like it is not the case in this situation.

One of my friends is single and without children. Her sister has two children. Their mother told her that she was leaving everytuing to the sister wuith children because then it would trickle down through the family and it would be wasted if it just went to my friend. That caused huge huge issues. My friend was despertaely and completely hurt and felt like it meant her life did not matter in the eyes of her parents.

Thsi was about 5 years ago she was told this and i can honestly say it contributed to her developing an extremely bitter and angry outlook on life in general. Her hurt was huge and I am not sure she has recovered. She is now someone who is anrgy and bitter about other people and what they have as opposed to what she has.

I know that this is largely irrelevant, but the thread made me think of it.

That's so harsh.

It's all very well saying that people can leave their will however they want, but it does have an impact on here.

I've mentioned on here someone I know who was extremely hurt by her mother's will. She had two brothers. There were 4 grandchildren - her son and daughter, and one of her brothers had 2 daughters. The will was split into four and she and her siblings had always assumed it was one share each for them and then the last quarter to be shared by the grandchildren. Between them they'd actually discussed if that was potentially unfair on the brother who had no children, but they agreed their Mum could do what she wanted.

It turned out that the first three shares were to her 2 brothers and her son. The last share was to be split between "the girls" - her, her DD and her two nieces. Her Mum was entitled to do as she wanted, but she was fully entitled to be horribly hurt, as were the granddaughters, when they realised that lack of a penis was way important to the Mum/Gran than they'd known.

*does have an impact on them

I had this with a pension at work. The plan holder had left everything to his daughter.

Problem was he had a dependent wife and 3 other daughters (all 20s or 30s).

The wife was devastated and had no idea about it nor why he had done this.

I’m so sorry to read all terrible stories, so much pain and unanswered questions.

The posters banging on about “ greed “ and “ money grabbing “ really have no idea what it’s actually about.

A can choose to do what they like but the fact remains that the family members who gets left everything, often in unfair situations cannot expect others to just be OK.

There are 3 of us, all girls and if this happened and I was A then I would make sure it was a third each. This is the right and correct thing to ensure.

My sisters may do otherwise but I would not continue a relationship with someone who was able to do this to a sibling or cousin.

It's is not about the money but about the feelings involved. Are people really willing to choose money over a relationship with their siblings? To be honest I no longer have a close relationship with either of my sisters but I would still ensure that we received an equal share.