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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 34 (woman) and 46 (man) too old to have first child?

127 replies

Floralapron · 28/08/2020 00:16

Just that really?

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 28/08/2020 00:19

No, those ages are fine

Danni290 · 28/08/2020 00:19

Not at all. I'm 34 and will be starting soon too - DH 35 but still. Nothing wrong IMO

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2020 00:21

Why do you think it night be?

Icanflyhigh · 28/08/2020 00:23

Not at all, go for it x

picosdeeuropa · 28/08/2020 00:24

A male friend of mine re married (his wife died) and they had no DC, his new wife was 27 when they met and he was 45, she is 30 now and is pregnant with number 2. They are very happy.

Original poster
Floralapron · 28/08/2020 00:35

I was worried about being old parents, particularly DH.

OP posts:
oreshina · 28/08/2020 00:36

No, it's fairly typical these days

Bluntasduck · 28/08/2020 00:39

No, I was 40, he was 50

HighbrowLowbrow · 28/08/2020 00:40

I had my when I was 33 going on 34 and DH was 46.

It's not necessarily too old but we are both incredibly knackered now and DH is 48 with an almost 2 year old to constantly chase after. Maybe our situation is a bit heightened though as he is a SAHD so has to do the majority of the chasing around.

We're stopping at one child, partly because of our ages. I think if you want to have one then it's not too bad but it might not be such as good idea if it means having a second one when your partner is knocking 50.

HighbrowLowbrow · 28/08/2020 00:41

Sorry that should be "I had my DS"

AlwaysLatte · 28/08/2020 00:45

No! I was 36 and 39 and my husband 56 and 59 when we had our two. It's never been a problem and we both have lots of time for them now compared to if we were younger.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2020 00:49

@Floralapron

I was worried about being old parents, particularly DH.
Not sure on your peer circle op bit for context I had my first DC at 33. School friends: my friend was 34, other friend was 34 and other one in the same circle was a few days off 39. Uni friends: 27, 30, 33, 34. School Mom's is younger generally cos of hwere I love but there's one Mom on our group who was 40 and then had another. Friends from volunteering: 40, 40, 33

And I had twins at a few weeks off 38. I will be the oldest at the school gates I'm sure but it makes no difference

Get baby making 👶👶

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2020 00:50

DH was 40 / 45

PennyinmyPocket · 28/08/2020 00:58

I had my first child at 20 and my last at 40. DH was 50. DD was invited to lots of play dates as she grew up and her friends mums were, mostly, older parents. It seems that 40 is the new 20.

HighbrowLowbrow · 28/08/2020 01:03

The risks of autism do increase quite a bit with the Dad's age btw:
www.healthline.com/health-news/does-older-sperm-cause-autism

I think we have got lucky that DS seems perfectly healthy so far, but it's worth knowing the facts so you can make an informed choice.

jessstan2 · 28/08/2020 01:04

No, you are fine.

oiboi · 28/08/2020 01:04

We had ours at 35 (me) and 50 (him). He's got way more patience than me, I think it's personality rather than age.

rosiejaune · 28/08/2020 01:53

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2566050/

allfurcoatnoknickers · 28/08/2020 01:58

I was 32 when I had DS and that's the young side of average around here Grin. I'm always a bit surprised when I hear about people having babies in their 20s - it's just not a thing in my circles Confused.

Groundhog1 · 28/08/2020 02:19

No it’s fine.

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/08/2020 02:29

Man definitely on the older side. Too old is subjective.

Negative side:
1)Need to consider how it’s going to work as you both age and whether you’ll both really feel up to it, this is less of a concern if he’s particular fit and if his own parents have lived to a healthy old age.

2)Fathers over 40 seem to increase the risk of autism and schizophrenia a bit.
3)May need to think and plan more carefully for careers and pension as financial and work pressures are going to be hitting differently.

Pros:

  1. More mature and knows himself better.
  2. Likely stronger financial base.

Unless his health is a concern, I don’t think it’s much of an argument against if you both really want a child. It might just need a bit more deliberate planning how you’re going to parent/manage careers and jobs.

Whalewhale · 28/08/2020 03:19

Not at all! Just had my second DC at 35, was 33 with my First! Good Luck Smile

PaperMonster · 28/08/2020 07:25

No.

Raver84 · 28/08/2020 07:27

Not to old at all my last child was born when I was 33 and dh was 45. Though we are separated now he is a fab dad and im a good mum we have 4 and our age was never a problem.

ivfdreaming · 28/08/2020 07:30

I think 46 is old for a father - Depends really if the baby is born when they are 46 or you're only just starting to try for a baby at 46?
There is 40 years between my DH and his father and they really have no relationship at all they have very little in common as the generational gap is just so large it's like he's his grandfather rather than dad