Is 34 (woman) and 46 (man) too old to have first child?

[Floralapron]

Just that really?

Only read one perspective from a child of older parents on the thread and it isn't a positive response.

That's the thing isn't it. We always look at this from our perspective as parents but what do teenagers who have a dad who is 65 think?
But parents can be great and crap at any age and as you are obviously thoughtful on the matter then you will most likely be thoughtful on all matters and make a great parent.

But really no time to waste so off you go from the thread and start doing what you have to do

No, had my first at 34, totally fine, don't think it matters so much for the man but bit ick to see men in 70's and older having kids (and unfair on kids).

From personal experience, I found it hard having a child in my 40's (and parenting that child is still hard, due to lack of energy).

We always look at this from our perspective as parents but what do teenagers who have a dad who is 65 think?

I taught a sixth form student whose dad was in his 70s. The student clearly had a great relationship with his dad and looked up to him. He was a lovely well-rounded boy with no obvious issues, so having an older father didn't seem to have done him any harm.

We always look at this from our perspective as parents but what do teenagers who have a dad who is 65 think?
The assumption being that teenagers anyways think their mid 30s Dad is cool??

It's easy if you had all your kids before 35 to declare you'd never do such a thingz bit I wonder how many of them really would have chosen to remain childless rather than have a child at such an age?

DH is 47, almost 48 and I'm 46. Our youngest has just turned 18 and is off to uni shortly.

Could we cope with a newborn at our ages, absolutely. A toddler as we hit 50, probably. A teenager in our 60s, no way.

My parents weren’t in their late 40s like the OP’s OH but they did turn 60 when I was in my early 20s. Never felt embarrassed or like I missed out. They were financially in a great place when I was born and could give me the best of everything compared with when my siblings were born. They are very young for their age. I’ve actually found that the parents of friends who had them at 18 - early 20s seemed very old for late forties/fifties when their kids were grown up. My parents still like New York city breaks and train trips to London for the day to see football matches or concerts and still work as HCPs and have a private practice. A lot of my friends have parents twenty years younger who seem to have really slowed down and just go to garden centres and book clubs and stuff. A lot of age is about attitude!

I'm sure most parents are equally uncool to teenagers. It's the practical side, all those lifts to all sorts of places, exam drama, uni visits, driving their stuff to uni that I'm not sure I could face in my 60s or 70s.

Nope, im 33 dh 54 I am expecting our first

My mum and dad had my brother when my mum was 21 and my dad was 29, my brother has cerebral palsy due to complications.
They had me when my mum was 34 and my dad was 42, I am now 31 with 2 kids of my own, my mum is 65 and my dad is 73 and they look after my kids for me when me and my husband are at work. It does make them tired, but then again I am exhausted by the time I put them to bed too.
I should also add that my brother is also autistic and my DD is in the middle of being referred for SEN too.

Neither of you are too old OP, if you want to try for a baby go for it. There are risks no matter what age you are and there is no guarantee when it comes to health either. Those people saying do you really want to look after a sick husband and kids, that could happen anyway no matter what age you have the kids, people get sick and die young too. If it is what you want just do it.

OP, lots of different opinions on here. All valid.

I had my last child in my early 40's and my husband was late 40's and all was well.

Very busy, very full on on and at times and absolutely exhausting.

They are all healthy and well so we consider ourselves hugely blessed.

However, there is the other end of parenting...... which is now being into your late 50's with teens etc.

Huge amount of running around, sports, school drops, college, emotional support, late night collections...

It is very full on, at this time of our lives.
We love them and want the best for them and just get on with it.

Full on to be approaching 60, with teens in the house and still have university for a couple yet.

My point is it's a very long road, that does fly, but people often get caught up about the baby stage and how hard that is......when in reality, all my friends were correct....the baby/toddler stage is actually not that difficult compared with what some parents face with teens etc.

Good luck with your decision

Of course it's not too old. What a ridiculous question.

I had my first at 32 and was one of the first in my group of school friends. Am planning to start trying for another next month, will have just turned 35, don’t feel old at all.

However, there is the other end of parenting...... which is now being into your late 50's with teens etc.

But OP is 34 so she'll be in her early 50s when her child hits 16 & 18

I had my first at 34 and I'm now 52 with an 18 year old and a 16 year old, and 60 is still a long way off 😁

It's not ideal TBH as the man will be nearly 70 by the time the child finishes university.

By the time the child finishes university, that child will be an adult, so that father's age or energy levels are less important. Yes, it is possible that a retired father will be less able to supplement the child's living costs, but then again, the mother will presumably still be earning.

When I was born my mum was 34 and my dad was 43. This was in the 60s. I was a second child, but even so the old parent issue is the same. It didn’t bother me.

@corythatwas

By the time the child finishes university, that child will be an adult, so that father's age or energy levels are less important. Yes, it is possible that a retired father will be less able to supplement the child's living costs, but then again, the mother will presumably still be earning.

Actually, my mum was ill and stopped work before my dad despite being the ‘young’ one. There are no guarantees.

Huge amount of running around, sports, school drops, college, emotional support, late night collections...

That surely depends on where you live. Unless you live in the countryside with no school bus, school drops don't need to happen after primary school.

I can't drive for medical reasons anyway, but then we don't live rurally so I just told dc they can do activities they can get themselves home from. By the time they are teens they can use public transport or get a taxi. Or walk.

My DH was 45 when we had DC. Now hes nearly 60 with a teenager.
We're on holiday at the moment and he wants to look at gardens and go on walks (obviously not going down well with teen/tweens) and is getting up at 6 and being impatient with teen getting up at 10. I guess It might be the same if he was 10 years younger...(I'm 17 years younger)

Your gold OP but your husband would be 60 when your child is 14. If he gets on well with kids, has been around nieces/nephews a bit and is quite easygoing as a person it should be okay. On the other hand if he loves routine and isn't the most patient you'll probably end up doing the lions share of parenting.

I think that's normal these days. Definately in my area it is

I was 38 and DH was 47. DS now 20 and we get on well.

My friend had her first at 33 and second at 37.

My Dad’s father was 65 and his mother 43 when my Dad was born. It wasn’t that unusual back in the day.

If you feel comfortable with having another, then no it's not too old.