Is 34 (woman) and 46 (man) too old to have first child?

[Floralapron]

Just that really?

I think 46 is pretty old purely because I just can't imagine my 60 year old parents coping with full time care of a teenager. I think whenever asking this question you need to look at how old they will be with teenagers.

No.
Good luck 🤞🏻

DH was 40 and 43 when we had our girls. He wishes we’d done it sooner so that he was younger. Teenage years are looming and I don’t know that he has the patience it requires.

I wouldn’t say 46 is too old, but it’s not ideal, as I’m sure you know given you’re asking the question. I would go for it only if you were prepared to have a child with additional needs and if you had money/support to make life easier.

I think mid 40s is pushing it age-wise (and I speak as an older parent) but presumably you aren't going to decide yes or no based on what Mumsnet says. So best of luck, whatever you decide.

Mothers age is technically over average but seems very normal to me. I think there is more for the father to think about, maybe not now but in ten or fifteen years. I think it depends on the individual though, general health, fitness, patience level etc.

Are you both healthy and have energy? My reply is somewhat coloured by daughters friend who has older parents and is the rudest child I know.
If you don’t the energy to discipline your child don’t have them. I do feel sorry for people with young children/ teens in their 50’s and 60’s as it’s an exhausting and demanding age.
I’m always joking that you need to be Olympic levels of fitness and have 20 k in the bank to have kids. It’s hard!!

Not too old for you, maybe if you were planning on a few kids you might have left it late possibly. I think it's old for him though, unless there's been fertility issues, I can't see why a 46 year old would suddenly want to have children after years without.

34 is not too old but I’d definitely be considering how many children you would like OP and probably have them closer together if you want more than one baby. 46 is getting on but for a man probably can get away with it.

If your partner's health is ok, crack on.

No. DP was 43 when we had our second.

I think 46 is just at the upper age range to start trying tbh. By the time you’ve conceived and had the baby then you’re in a situation where he’d be doing the teen taxi run while pushing seventy, especially if you want a second child.

Lots of sixty somethings are in perfectly good health, but lots aren’t, and you can’t necessarily tell in advance which will fall in each pot.

You are of course in the position you are in, and it’s unrealistic to say “dump him and immediately find a younger man who wants to have children with you” but it is a real risk. I’m assuming that he doesn’t smoke and isn’t obese, or have other health red flags.

I have a male friend who was 48 and his girlfriend 37 when they had their first (only) child. He’s always said he’s not that tired because he hasn’t done it all before....

I voted YABU because YABU to ask the question!

YANBU to have a child at 34 .

I had my first at 34 and second at 37, my older sister had her kids after me and my mum had me at 38 so nope not too old at all. There were more mums my age in the school playgrounds than younger ones, something we realised when we were all hitting 40 and then 50 in the same year.

I was the child of older parents- it was no issue at primary school but by the time I was in my teens they were dealing with cancer and heart attacks and felt quite put of touch - I struggled a lot but they were struggling too. My Dad in particular was never a fun Dad to me in the way other people had a Dad - for most of my teens it was more like living with an old man with health issues (He wouldn't even be considered that old these days)

Yes 46 is too old.

The woman in particular is not remotely old to have a first child. Quite average at my NCT, baby groups etc.

I know of quite a few couples with this age/gender dynamic. It seems pretty common these days. Sadly, it's quite often when the man has left a woman his own age, after not 'being ready' for kids and then shacking up with a younger woman and suddenly deciding he's ready. Not saying this is you guys though! Just noticing a trend amongst some couples. Be prepared for potentially doing more of the work, as you may be the one with more energy!

No not at all.

I think 46 is too old. My FIL was 40 when DH was born and DH hated having an 'old" dad and feels he missed out because of it.

And as for whether the man is too old or not... well, he can’t make himself younger can he? So it’s not a choice between having one now or ten years a go, it’s a choice between now or not at all. Given the mother is a very typical age I’d say the man is older than would be ideal but not old enough that it shouldn’t happen if the couple want it.

No not at all. My Dsis DH was 46 when his DD was conceived, She is 5 now he is an excellent father and adores her. Good luck

Nope.

My DH was 43, 45 and 47 when we had our kids (I was 30, 32, 34).

He's an awesome dad. Has more energy and patience than me!

We are also mortgage free because he bought in the 1990s and he took 3 years off after the birth of our youngest to raise them together which I think is a huge advantage of his age.

Sorry but I think he's far too old. Look up statistics around fathers over 45 and risk of neurological disorder, mental health issues etc in children and miscarriage rates in mothers. It's not just the quality of eggs that declines with age. He could also be in his late 60s perhaps 70 still with kids in university to support. I work in healthcare, whilst a lot of people sail through their 60's in fine form it is also a decade in which many people start to suffer health problems, how would you fancy raising a couple of teenagers whilst also caring for an unwell husband and having the financial pressure of supporting the family?

Anecdotally I also have a number of friends who had children with older men and it has not gone well, although of course everyone's experiences will differ.