Is 34 (woman) and 46 (man) too old to have first child?

[Floralapron]

Just that really?

@ivfdreaming

I think 46 is old for a father - Depends really if the baby is born when they are 46 or you're only just starting to try for a baby at 46? There is 40 years between my DH and his father and they really have no relationship at all they have very little in common as the generational gap is just so large it's like he's his grandfather rather than dad

, what age do you think people should have kids?

No, I think it's fine. Obviously it depends the feelings of the people involved but from the outside I don't think it's an issue. I'm pregnant at 40 and DP is 44. It'd be great if we were younger but it's either have a child now or DP doesn't have one at all (I have one DC already) - we can't magic up a different situation where we met at 25. I think being younger brings benefits and being older can bring different benefits. I know DP feels extra grateful to have this late chance to have a child (as do I).

34 no. 46 yes. Older men are less fertile and more likely to cause genetic problems to their children. It's a risk you can take if you want but really he should have had children before if he wanted them.

You’re fine. Obviously he’s the older one, but I’d still say it doesn’t have to stop someone.

@Keaveny

My take on it is do you have access to a time machine?

I assume the answer is no.

Do you want children, and are you in a good relationship?

Yes, then crack on.

My point is you met at the ages you did. I became a first time father at 40, which I realise is older than average, but given the options of not meeting my wife when she was younger, and we wanted children, what other choice did we have?

This. The idea that children should only be born with a 10 year window of your life is crazy when life isn't a book, you can't set when you'll meet the right person let alone be financially stable or how long you might try before you're "too old" to be a good parent. Given there isn't a fitness test on 20 great olds getting pregnant, no o one addresses them for their ability to rub after a 3 yo, there is no answer beyond a consideration of what each couple wants and can manage

Oh and the comments about the generational gap - I think in previous generations there were bigger differences between the generations and some parents put less effort into being close so maybe having a Dad who was 45 years older than you had more impact.

I think the most important thing is to be interested in your child's interests (I try even when I'm internally rolling my eyes about my 8 yo's long detailed minecraft descriptions!). My parents are nearly 70 and easily keep up with 8 yr old DS's interests and activities as well as my cousin's teenaged kids varied interests. It's more about putting effort into the relationship rather than expecting a natural affinity imo.

I think people are quite keen to look at the front end of this. 48 with a new born, when you're in good health and at peak earning potential is fine, 63 with a 15 year old, perhaps not?

No, I’m 42 hubby 47. My friends are both slightly older than us having their first.
My work colleagues late thirties.
My cousin was 26 she’s the only young one I know.
I think a lot of people are waiting longer now.

The risks of autism do increase quite a bit with the Dad's age btw

Not just autism, all developmental disorders, including ADHD and schizophrenia.

Having said that, if I was in your shoes and this was my last chance to have a baby I would take those risks and go for it. I guess it depends how much you want it / how much you'd regret not trying?

@Crystal87

Not too old for you, maybe if you were planning on a few kids you might have left it late possibly. I think it's old for him though, unless there's been fertility issues, I can't see why a 46 year old would suddenly want to have children after years without.

Because he's only just met/been long enough with the woman he wants to have them with?? I don't understand the logic. If he's have really wanted them he'd have hooked up made it happen before now even outside of a secure

When people talk about the generational gaps of the past, what they don't realise is that they're only talking about the first child. Until recently many people went on having children for as long as the mother was fertile so there were an awful lot of children to older parents about. My greatgrandmother had 11 surviving children with 2 husbands: she didn't stay 25 throughout. Many women married older men, so again generational gaps with fathers were common.

@corythatwas

When people talk about the generational gaps of the past, what they don't realise is that they're only talking about the first child. Until recently many people went on having children for as long as the mother was fertile so there were an awful lot of children to older parents about. My greatgrandmother had 11 surviving children with 2 husbands: she didn't stay 25 throughout. Many women married older men, so again generational gaps with fathers were common.

I completely agree that the idea of having children well into your 40's is not a new phenomenon but I think there's a difference with continuing to have children and starting to have them at that age in terms of generational gaps.

No, go for it. I was 36 with first DC and my DH was 42 so kind of evens out with your ages

I was 32 when I started. Most of my DCs friends are similar age to me, maybe a couple of years younger.

46 would have been too old for me, but easy for me to say as I already had them.

Our first was born when I was 34 and DH was 43. Our second 4 years later. It has been totally fine and not unusual in our social circle. Maybe in an ideal world we would have had children younger, but for a whole range of reasons it wasn't possible, and none of us live in an ideal world. We both have plenty of energy, I'm probably more patient than when I was younger. I have plenty of mum friends my age or older. As a pp said, you can't turn back time, so if you want a child and your relationship is good, go for it and don't worry about what strangers on the Internet think.

Incidentally my grandmother had my uncle when she was 36 and my mum when she was 40. It was not uncommon in the war generation as life was so interrupted and men often away - I'm sure she had planned to have children earlier, and she was apparently a bit self conscious about her age, but that was how life worked out and it was fine.

@HighbrowLowbrow

I had my when I was 33 going on 34 and DH was 46.

It's not necessarily too old but we are both incredibly knackered now and DH is 48 with an almost 2 year old to constantly chase after. Maybe our situation is a bit heightened though as he is a SAHD so has to do the majority of the chasing around.

We're stopping at one child, partly because of our ages. I think if you want to have one then it's not too bad but it might not be such as good idea if it means having a second one when your partner is knocking 50.

I can't agree anymore but It is a shame to say that especially both of us were in our mid 30's when having first child. Age really matters when doing the parenting but if you have relatives or helpers around, age is not a problem at all!!

My parents were that age when they had me. I'm now nearly 60 and fine

If some posters are too knackered by motherhood at 34 then that is probably an individual thing rather than age. I had my first at 32 and my second at 36, still thought of myself as quite young, plenty of the parents in the toddler group were similar ages or older. Never noticed that the younger ones were any less exhausted by their 2yos. I blame it on the 2yos.

rainylake makes a good point about life in earlier periods being dependent on how things worked out. There were two wars, for a start. Before WW2 a significant proportion of the population were in service so couldn't normally start a family until they had saved up enough to quit. (No, the Bateses of Downton Abbey are not a realistic depiction of how things actually worked). People moved- or emigrated- for work and married when they had saved up enough to bring their wife. Colonial service also took young men away for long periods.

Of course not.

My Dad was 48 when I was born. Mum just over 40. Great parents. I love them loads. They're old now and I do worry but think that's normal.

I think it’s fine. Unfortunately we aren’t all in the position to have children at what society deems and ideal age.

Fine I would say

Not too old at all! In your case I would say pretty standard this days. Most of the women I know had their first child in their early-mid 30s. I was 34 when I became pregnant and 35 when I had my daughter, I starting trying when I was only 31 but we had fertility issues. Due to similar I’ll be over 40 when/if I have another. The Mum’s in my DDs class of 4 year olds are evenly split between mid 30s and early-mid 40s. I can only think of one who is 32 and she’s the youngest!

Dear me. There are some odd comments on here.

Of course you’re not too old, OP. Go for it.