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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cheeky Fil? Telling us about his health issues..

107 replies

Spiderseason · 26/08/2020 22:40

When he took no interest in mine? Or my families..
I find it so strange. 5 days after I delivered his 1st grandchild, he and Mil decided to tell me exactly what they thought of me. They had come round(uninvited) to help paint our bedroom. We had not asked them too. Mil had been crying about the awful bedroom apparently and said it needed to be sorted out etc.
Anyway, I couldn't help pain (4 days post partum) I had horric neck pains and migraines from the straining, the drugs.. Pethidine.... I was also passing fist size pieces of clots? Flesh?

Anyway.. Mil verbally attacked me and left.
Then fil said... We need to move on . He then proceeds to tell me he doesn't like me. And half way through HIS dressing down I said '' please, I've just given birth to a baby!! '' he said '' so.. I know plenty of women who have babies and just get on with it ''.

My baby was half turned back to back!! I could barely stand up straight!!

Anyway. After years of issues we went low contact and now.. He has other family members to call us to tell us he needs an operation.. Then messages to me on my birthday.. Saying happy birthday.. I need an operation.. Then joint messages to myself and dh about his a and e visits??

I also remember telling him about my now deceased df various ops and ailments and got short shrift. Am I mad?

I'm thinking... Wow...!!

OP posts:

tenlittlecygnets · 26/08/2020 22:41

Ignore him and let your h deal with him.

Twigletfairy · 26/08/2020 22:43

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

CelestialSpanking · 26/08/2020 22:44

Block these dickheads and let your husband deal with his family. I know it’s done now, but where the fuck was he when his parents came round 4 days after the birth of your baby and started bullying you? Why did he allow that to happen? I’d have trouble getting past that.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 26/08/2020 23:03

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

^^
I think you should say this!

And then tell him you don’t like him, and block them both.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 26/08/2020 23:04

I also wonder how your DH allowed that bullying of you 4days pp to happen.

foxyroxyy · 26/08/2020 23:06

Fuck him. They both sound like twats

FingersCrossedForAllOfUs · 26/08/2020 23:10

YANBU - They are toxic. Low contact??....... I would have gone No contact after the post natal story you described! You have the patience of a saint!
You can't reason with these people, they only think of themselves. Keep your distance, enjoy your life and leave DH to deal with / keep in contact with his parents if he wants to, you don't need to get involved.

honeyrider · 26/08/2020 23:25

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

You should send this.

MulticolourMophead · 26/08/2020 23:31

@CelestialSpanking

I wondered that too.

I'd block FIL. He's only interested in you as someone that he can talk to about him.

This is all about him. He's not actually interested in you.

WeeWelshWoman · 27/08/2020 04:34

Sound awful. I'd block/ ignore

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/08/2020 04:41

So your husband allowed his parents to come round 4 days after you have birth and verbally attack you?
I would definitely take this as an opportunity to do the same back to them.

BitOfFun · 27/08/2020 05:01

Ignore it. What a mean couple he and his wife are.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2020 05:06

I am struggling to believe that your husband, never mind you, would have ever spoken to them again. How can he possibly justify having any kind of relationship with them?

PinkSparkleUnicorns · 27/08/2020 05:08

Personally I'd never see the in laws again, they wouldn't be welcome back in my house and I'd block their numbers.

Let your husband deal with it if he wants to see them, but make it clear that's his thing and nothing to do with you.

TitsOutForHarambe · 27/08/2020 05:09

It's simple - he's a twat. Ignore him, don't have anything to do with him, and when other family members try and pass messages on just say "Oh right. Anyway..." and change the subject.

PopsicleHustler · 27/08/2020 05:17

Wow that's sad to have In laws like that. I honestly would not even have anything to do with them . Even if you dont like someone you don't just spout off.rubbish at them , literally days after they have given birth to your grandchild. Unbelievable.
Sorry to hear you're going through this

Coffeecak3 · 27/08/2020 06:10

Just block them on everything. Being ignored is worse than being disliked so ignore them.

ArtemisBean · 27/08/2020 06:27

I second aquamarine above. No way would I have ever let them darken my door again after that first outrageous insult! NC forever and don't look back.

Friendsoftheearth · 27/08/2020 06:39

I am assuming you are NC, so just continue to block and ignore any messages. They are trying to reel you back in with illness etc, don't respond. Some people as they get older lose their filter entirely.

TheHappyHerbivore · 27/08/2020 06:50

What an arsehole! Definitely don’t respond or feel any need to engage with him. You don’t owe him a scrap of sympathy or attention.

MyOtherProfile · 27/08/2020 06:53

Keep your distance. Leave your dh (wherever he is) to deal with them.
Have they ever had anything to do with your child?

LioneIRichTea · 27/08/2020 07:06

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

Definitely write this

oakleaffy · 27/08/2020 07:24

@Twigletfairy

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

This. What a horrible man.

Malaya · 27/08/2020 07:26

@Twigletfairy

I think your response should be: 'so..... I know plenty of men that have had operations and just got on with it'

Definitely go with this reply.

Also, why did your husband allow his parents to to speak to you like that after you’d just given birth? Where is he in all of this? They’re not your parents so you don’t need to have anything to do with them, if that’s what you choose.

Meatshake · 27/08/2020 07:29

Tell him to walk it off, it's not like he's given birth or something 😁

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