To want to live with women platonically in a sort of shared house/ estate and raise kids?

[cultkid]

See partners on weekend?

Live with the women otherwise share childcare etc
Always have female companions around to hang out with?

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

That sounds honestly awful.

What about living in an estate like a big country manor

With several friends so all the families have houses dotted around on the land?

Husbands too?

I've always loved the idea of communal living, shared eating and living area with private sleeping/bathroom. Never really nailed it down to a particular type.

Everything from an old manor house conversion with friends (when we all had young kids) to the new ideas appearing in major cities. The so called student living for working people and the hostel type buildings in America ( although I'd like a bit more privacy for sleeping.)

Mind you, I went to two boarding schools in my teens, the first was very old fashioned, more traditional with 6 person dorms. (hated it, loads of bullying going on) we were also very heavily monitored/disciplined. Indoor social areas only within the boarding houses all divided strictly by sex.

The second was housing attached to a normal senior school. Ran more like student halls, everyone sleeping in single rooms, girls on the upper floors, boys in a connected separate building. We were much less monitored, treated as more responsible, with much more freedom. Was a great experience. Was there from 15 to 18. ( We were not responsible and took full advantage of the freedom )

Unfortunately I married a hermit who just about copes with family in the house. but I can dream.

I love it when people complain that women can't get on with each other. Never had a history lesson?

@SquirrelFan

Given the fact that women generally outlive men, friends and I have decided to do this if circumstances allow when we're elderly. Throwing children in the mix would have been too complicated.

Yes, I’ve discussed this with friends too. We decided the ideal would be somewhere with self contained flats but communal areas so we could have our own space and also the benefit of always having someone around. I even found the perfect development once - renovated industrial building with luxury flats, a roof terrace and an indoor courtyard.

I've reread the OP and can't see anywhere where she's trying to introduce this as standard for everybody and suggest that happy families be split apart, so not sure what the point of the "But my DH is amazing" posts are for.

FWIW, I did something similar as a newly single mum and it worked really well. I'm not sure why it's unacceptable to say it would be tidier, but perfectly fine to say it would be really bitchy.

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

Not if I was one of the women! Totally get where you're coming from though. Companionship is under-rated.

@cultkid

What about living in an estate like a big country manor

With several friends so all the families have houses dotted around on the land?

Husbands too?

oh god no, I like my friends and all that but this whole communal living idea is a big no no from me. Most days after a days work I just went get home, get my PJ's on and shut out the rest of the world!

@PuppyMonkey we have a gazebo and also a roofed area that bridges two houses! We couldn’t sit out last night, was just far too windy here, so we all retreated into our own homes. You can feel that autumn is coming, we are able to be ‘communal’ less and less sadly. It’s probably been the best summer I’ve had in my adult life. I grew up somewhere similar, with a courtyard and all the houses faced in, kids free to roam in and out of others homes. I’ve been trying to find that community feel for my family ever since and this year we have finally nailed it, even though I’ve lived here years.
It probably helps that I have no family or close best friends, so this is ideal for me socially. Some of the children have really benefitted too. One of the boys next door suffers with anxiety and struggles to join in with his peers, he’s got stuck right in this summer and now plays football without bursting into tears and watches movies with the others.

Love this idea !

Actually I agree that zillions of children running around could be stressful - my 2 are teens which is relaxing - not sure I would want to go back to little ones underfoot !

Later on once the DC have left home I think it could be cool to house-share if everyone had their own bathroom and a reasonable sized bedroom.

Nostalgia for university house-sharing days I think (minus someone throwing up in the sink on the dirty dishes ).

"so tidy and smell so good"? As if :-) Ownership of natural vagina is no guarantee.

In the past I shared flats and houses with plenty of women, some of whom had abysmal personal and domestic hygeine... let alone tidiness.

Most of us have probably encountered encountered slut-mums and IME sluttery has no connection to level of income or education. I once collected 5 yr old from a playdate where he very carefully wiped his shoes clean on the doormat. .. as we left.

Not for me in my younger years but as the retirement approaches this appeals .

If tidiness is a criterion, I'd be disqualified from the start. Would also miss dh's cooking. Sounds great for the right person, but that person would never be me. Too much need to fill everywhere with piles of books and retreat into my own world.

Your suggestion assumes that all women are the same - clean and tidy and happy to share childcare.

A no, no and no from me. I do try my best to keep my house tidy, but my husband does most of the housework and cooking. As for childcare - there are reason I don't have children and one of them is that I don't want to have to look after them!

Now, if you were proposing a cat-care based commune, I might be interested!

Ah yes. It depends so much on the people getting on. And on who does the washing up.

Also, sharing accommodation with females is one thing, but if they have have a desire to hook up with a bloke, there is then an issue of who is coming into your home environment, how well do you know this person, how safe is it? etc.

So great as a fantasy, and in a limited way might work really well, but you really can imagine things going badly wrong too.

@Reallybadidea

So men get regular sex and no responsibility while women get to do all the child-rearing and domestic grunt work. Sounds shit.

Came on to say this!!

This is honestly a terrible idea, it would only further perpetuate the misogynistic belief that a woman's 'role' is to raise the kids and keep house, while men get to do whatever the fuck they want and come and go as they please without taking any responsibility for the family they helped create. I thought we were trying to get away from this shit??

Also, when would you get any alone time? The very though of being surrounded by people (and their kids) makes me shudder.

I did a bit of this when i was young. The same thing happens as in any group of people. Mixed sex or otherwise.

The same old usual people pull their weight and the same old usual people prefer to sit on their arses.

No, because other's people's children.

Also - and I'm going to be called sexist for saying this (and just to be clear, I am a woman) - but as a broad generalisation I tend to find women have more of a propensity towards small talk than men. And small talk drives me crackers. I actually find male friends easier to be around a lot of the time, for this very reason.

A south London woman did this with a few other divorcees recently, and wrote a book about her experiences. I can’t remember the name. I think they’ve now disbanded owing to new relationships.

I lived in a few places like this when younger, although without the kids. First a massive house share, then a squat, then another squat. I guess it's sort of fun and it suited me at that point but actually it's pretty impractical - you spend loads of time sorting out logistical issues because: every fucking person has something to say about every damn fucking decision you make; at any one point in time there will be some breakaway group who wants everyone else to be vegan/Buddhist/lesbian and you spend fucking ages arguing it all out; you have more regime changes than the average South American country, not all of them bloodless; and no one ever does the fucking washing up.

The Single Mums’ Mansion, it’s called.

@BikeRunSki

What about the teenage sons of the women in this scenario?

If you want a nice-smelling home, there is no place for the aroma of teen boy BO and lynx!

I lived in a few places like this when younger, although without the kids. First a massive house share, then a squat, then another squat. I guess it's sort of fun and it suited me at that point but actually it's pretty impractical - you spend loads of time sorting out logistical issues because: every fucking person has something to say about every damn fucking decision you make; at any one point in time there will be some breakaway group who wants everyone else to be vegan/Buddhist/lesbian and you spend fucking ages arguing it all out; you have more regime changes than the average South American country, not all of them bloodless; and no one ever does the fucking washing up.

Have you read 'Girl, Woman, Other'? There's a bit quite near the beginning about a community like this, that runs into exactly these issues. It's really amusingly described by the writer.

And yeah, i was very anything goes in my late teens early 20s. Nowadays i don't want kids still squabbling round my ankles at half 7 in the evening. I like my youngest upstairs in their room reading or playing quietly by that time if not asleep. Just the idea of someone elses kids sodding about round me all evening gives me the twitch

@shesaidshesleavingonasunday

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

Not all women are tidy. I'm messy AF. My DH is much tidier than I am and also much cleaner!!

Yup, that is our house too.