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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to live with women platonically in a sort of shared house/ estate and raise kids?

220 replies

cultkid · 26/08/2020 10:00

See partners on weekend?

Live with the women otherwise share childcare etc
Always have female companions around to hang out with?

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

OP posts:
Fotallytucked · 26/08/2020 10:05

In sounds amazing , my best friends a lesbian I wish I could marry her and live with her for the rest of my life .... I just dont fancy her !

A part of me would feel resentful, couldnt the man camp keep the kids Grin

isabellerossignol · 26/08/2020 10:07

As long as it was my friends and not randoms then I can indeed see the appeal!

Camomila · 26/08/2020 10:08

Only problem with that is what do you do when the DSs turn 18? Chuck them out?

I like the houses in my bit of Italy - each generation has a floor/flat and then there's usually a shared garage and garden. You could do that with a few friends too.

isabellerossignol · 26/08/2020 10:08

Although, having said that, my husband is very tidy and is constantly cleaning, so I might have to do more housework, not less, if I lived with other women instead.

lockdownbreakdown · 26/08/2020 10:09

These exist. They are called womens refuges.Elysian fields they are not.

shesaidshesleavingonasunday · 26/08/2020 10:11

I literally can't think of anything worse TBH

shesaidshesleavingonasunday · 26/08/2020 10:11

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

Not all women are tidy. I'm messy AF. My DH is much tidier than I am and also much cleaner!!

Desiringonlychild · 26/08/2020 10:11

@cultkid the Mosuo women in China do this. Its called a walking marriage.

The men come to call, the women keep the kids. Motherhood is revered. The sons generally stay with the mum and help out with nieces and nephews. Also its generally monogamous, a lot of them have the same partners for life, they just don't live together.

I do like the idea even if I am happy with DH now. I mean, given that 50 % of marriages fail, this seems like a more stable way of raising children. No matter what happens in love, the children still retain the same family setup and benefit from the economies of scale of a partnered family i.e. help with childcare, more earning power. the main problem with being a single parent is mainly the reduced earning power and lack of help with childcare anyway.

hastingsmua1 · 26/08/2020 10:12

Most people (myself included) wouldn’t want to live with someone else’s children though, so it’s a bit of a non starter

Laaalaaaa · 26/08/2020 10:13

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

Really, just because someone’s female she’s tidy? My husband is so much tidier than me. As somebody else has said, try saying that to someone in a refuge. I’m sure they don’t count themselves lucky. 🤷🏻‍♀️

shesaidshesleavingonasunday · 26/08/2020 10:13

Most people (myself included) wouldn’t want to live with someone else’s children though, so it’s a bit of a non starter

God yes, didn't even think of that.

Saltyauntiepoop · 26/08/2020 10:14

If i ever take on a partner again it would be a woman. I have always had lesbians hit on me and i'm curious and enough and fed up with men that ut is looking like a serious option.

I can see a problem with your idea though, op.. if children startfighting and parents having to take sides/disagreeing with parenting.. and i think money would have to be pooled and shared as i can imagine jealousy and comparisons... another thing is if your friend changes their mind.
Probably a sort of private yet conjoined accomodation would work were you can have privacy but can easily look out for each other.....

Oh and some women are seriously messy.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2020 10:15

No, I like mixed company.

Plus the assumption all women are clean and tidy, is pretty outdated.

I'd turn it around and live with my DH Monday to Friday and then retreat to a house full of my friends at weekends.

shesaidshesleavingonasunday · 26/08/2020 10:16

I'd turn it around and live with my DH Monday to Friday and then retreat to a house full of my friends at weekends.

I'd do the same except I'd live on my own at weekends Grin

AryaStarkWolf · 26/08/2020 10:17

No I like my husband tyvm, also, he's tidier than me :p

FinnyStory · 26/08/2020 10:17

OMG, that would be awful.

A bunch of women competitively parenting...those poor kids

BigChocFrenzy · 26/08/2020 10:17

It would work better for women who are childfree by choice

StormBaby · 26/08/2020 10:17

I am definitely designed to live like this. We have had a ‘street bubble’ here since the tail end of lockdown. We eat together outside every night, everybody joins in, weekends we have bbqs. The kids are all in and out all the time. We’ve had a communal swimming pool, bouncy castle, and football matches on the field. There’s only four of us who work outside of the bubble so pretty low risk. One of us is a barber so has done everyone’s hair. We grow our own veg and DH is a chef so most of the cooking is done by us. During proper lockdown we all shopped for each other. There’s a few toddlers and babies in the mix and we all keep an eye on them so mum can chill a bit. We live in a normal semi rural culdesac on the edge of a market town. I will be devastated when winter is here and we have to retreat indoors.

LouiseNW · 26/08/2020 10:18

Surrounded by other people’s children? I’ll pass, thank you all the same.

Desiringonlychild · 26/08/2020 10:19

@Saltyauntiepoop I am seriously messy and my DH does the cooking.

But then I wouldn't cheat on you. Or just up and leave you without child support. Or ask you to give up your job to further my career. You can have your romantic relationships separate from your living arrangements. So it doesn't end well, at least you still have your kids and your home .

BattleofWaterpoo · 26/08/2020 10:22

I live like this, but without the kids.
Its called a house-share 😁
If you've got the right people (male or female) it's an absolute dream. Way better even than living as a happy sexual couple, in both my opinion and my experience.
Wrong people, and its as much of a nightmare as living with a bad partner.

I can imagine throwing kids into the mix would just intensify all if the above, as kids tend to do.

IntermittentParps · 26/08/2020 10:24

I don't find women to be more tidy/better to live with than men, personally.

BlueSlice · 26/08/2020 10:27

The place would be sooo tidy
As a lesbian, I laughed at this.

PuppyMonkey · 26/08/2020 10:27

@StormBaby - you eat together outside every night? Even in the pouring rain?

shesaidshesleavingonasunday · 26/08/2020 10:28

I am definitely designed to live like this. We have had a ‘street bubble’ here since the tail end of lockdown. We eat together outside every night, everybody joins in, weekends we have bbqs. The kids are all in and out all the time. We’ve had a communal swimming pool, bouncy castle, and football matches on the field. There’s only four of us who work outside of the bubble so pretty low risk. One of us is a barber so has done everyone’s hair. We grow our own veg and DH is a chef so most of the cooking is done by us. During proper lockdown we all shopped for each other. There’s a few toddlers and babies in the mix and we all keep an eye on them so mum can chill a bit. We live in a normal semi rural culdesac on the edge of a market town. I will be devastated when winter is here and we have to retreat indoors.

That literally sounds like my worst nightmare.

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