To want to live with women platonically in a sort of shared house/ estate and raise kids?

[cultkid]

See partners on weekend?

Live with the women otherwise share childcare etc
Always have female companions around to hang out with?

The place would be sooo tidy and smell so good

It's great OP, the help and support is immense.
In my culture it's immediate and extended family and the women look after and out for each other. One big happy family.
The men are there too though, but they go off to work. Some of the women choose to work, the others are sahm's.
We look after our elderly too, nearly unheard of for elderly to go into care.

Sounds like hell on earth!

Omg this would be the stuff of nightmares and guaranteed to end the friendships!

It sounds like my idea of pure hell

I went to an all girl's school. It wasn't all polishing and hair braiding. Women can be so bitchy!!

Might be fine if you all new each other or could interview for new residents but God when one of them falls out with the hive..

I'll pass.

Also at what age do the boys have to move out? Not sure a load of hormonal none related terms living together is necessarily the best idea unless you're actively growing your cult...

I am so messy but when my husband isn't in I am tidier because I cook less and rush about less

I always burn candles so the house smells either fresh of laundry or of candles

I didn't think about the aspect of other people's kids 😬😬😬 that is so true.

We share looking after dc. But if I share with women it means doubling up on dc when it’s my turn. Too much

Plus it’s easy to have an disagreement and move on

Wind em up and watch them go post

God no. Although I can see the attraction in theory, can you imagine how bitchy it would be? I once lived in an all-female student house, and it was hell. 'We' had rotas for everything, some of which were unknown to me (I didn't sleep there all that much), and got sent to Coventry for not being present for my 'turn' at washing up and cleaning the kitchen. It was only tidy because the female mafia had a rota for that too. Never again.

What are the men doing meanwhile? Running the world I suppose, while the women are tied to childrearing.

Plus ça change.

This and the “why oh why are men and boys so shit at housework?” thread are such depressing reading. Stop letting men and boys get away with being lazy shits!

I’ll stick with my husband.

A big enough minority of women are utterly manipulative bitches/bullies. It’s so grim to be on the receiving end of. I’d go so far as to say it’s actually more damaging than the beatings I received from my father.

no. Just no.
Sounds idyllic.
Then reality of mix of children/childcare/ideas about every aspect of childcare. Some not pulling weight. Difficult children and how they would be supported etc etc.
I have friends who have been involved in commune-type small holding type living plus many who used to live communally in old squats. Always rancorous. Always difficult.
Wish it weren’t so because what you describe would be great IF IT WORKED IN REALITY.

I lived out this fantasy. It was awful.

My friend and I were both single mums to kids the same age. We had a couple of other female lodgers who lived with us in a big ol' Victorian house in Finsbury Park. What could go wrong? It was a terrible experience. I fled in the wee hours. I really did. And I never saw any of them again.
It was just real vest of nipers. What a bunch of bitches they became and so quickly. I had one lady who blasted feckin' West Coast rap (which I do love- I'm from California) in the small hours then had the audacity to shout at me if my then 3-year-old creaked across the floorboards for a midnight piss in the loo. Then it became all, "Look at my child, the muesli and soy milk eater vs. your child, the white toast and butter eater!" Very competitive and bitchy. There was no sisterhood. One of them rang my mother to tell her I was back with my ex-husband (whom my mother hated). I wasn't back with him at all. My child was seeing his father. Totally different story.
I think my experience was very unusual, to be fair. I think I stumbled upon a lousy mix of people and it didn't work out.

As a single mother at the time, I thought a house full of kindred spirits going through similar experiences would be a great thing. But people are people and you just don't know how the blend will work out.

It's great when it's family and you can go into your own trailer and close the door.
It's good if you have women's problems from heavy periods/ the change/ pnd/ etc.
Somebody will cook you a meal, take the kids, and then you return the favour when they need you.
We just look after each other.
I'm not sure I could do it in bricks n mortar and with strangers.

How would this affect the children though? Not having a male figure around, only seeing the ‘Disney dad’ on weekends? (Disclaimer I know that lots of kids don’t have dads around and do fine but I mean if this was the normal for everyone) I know that DH brings a different type of discipline as well as a different type of love to the table, he does different activities with the kids, has a different point of view in family discussions, encourages them in different ways to me. I want my kids to have access to that and him whenever they need it not just every other Saturday.

TBH, I grew up with 3 other siblings, shared flats through my 20s until I moved in with DP/DH. We now have 2 DC, I’m quite honestly looking forward to living on my own one day, even if I am 90!

So men get regular sex and no responsibility while women get to do all the child-rearing and domestic grunt work. Sounds shit.

Done this x2 with hippy parents as a kid - mixing families never ends well and people always fall out. Different living/parenting styles etc. At least with a DP there is a reason to try to be on the same page as you are both invested in your kids/family working well. You need a lot of rules/structure/shared values/ respect for each other and it is far harder to achieve than you would think!

Also a messy woman here too!

I agree that nuclear family living is unnatural, not sure a female commune would be the answer though! Almost all cultures throughout time have had multigenerational village community setups. For lockdown we’ve spent months living with first my parents and then my in laws and I have been so much happier than just living alone with my DH, even though we have a great relationship. I think the ideal would be like some family friends we have who have a huge house with separate living units for them, their parents, and one brother. They can avoid each other or hang out as they see fit. I know that wouldn’t be for everyone though!

I also had a friend who grew up in a commune which was a divided up Manor House so each family had its own house, but they all shared all maintenance and gardening work and had the great hall which they used for Sunday lunch and Christmas dinner, all doors were always open etc. That was a lovely set up as it wasn’t a weird hippy commune where all children belong to everyone etc but just a nice very close community of about 10-15 families who made a commitment when they moved in to really partake of the community setup.

For all the people saying women en masse are bitchy - so are a lot of men. When I was younger I worked for a few years in a male dominated environment. For most of that time I was the only woman there. The amount of bitching, scheming, back stabbing, gossip and outright lying was phenomenal. There was also the wonderful moment that 2 men got into a full on face slapping, hair pulling fight over one having ‘stolen’ the other ones client and so earned (a fairly puny amount of) commission ‘unfairly’. We watched in awed fascination as the two of them rolled slowly down a huge circular staircase, pushing and shoving one another in full view of a showroom full of customers.

Gender/sex/chromosomes don’t make people bitchy. It’s a heady combination of genes and environment.

I've entertained thoughts like these over the years. The reason it has seemed necessary is because my/my friends'/sisters' income has taken a hit over the years from pregnancy, childbirth and the expectation that childcare is our job/expense.

When relationships breakdown, too often, the man is given weekends with the children and is not required to contribute to childcare that does not fall in 'his' time, likewise school uniform/trips. NRPs are required to pay a paltry amount in maintenance that is in no way representative of the expense of raising a child.

Women are still shamed for the state of their house, questioned as to what they're doing with their time and money far more than men. Families of men (see Mils) still see the women they settle down with as in their service and frequently find them wanting.

Those are some of the more innocuous reasons the idea has seemed attractive.

Perhaps polygamy is the answer @cultkid. Kids have Dad around bit you can share all the cleaning and cooking you want!. Sex on a rota and if you're not in the mood he can try it on with one of the others.

I'm a real fan of women
I love girls

Thing is I don't want anyone to have sex with my husband except me

I love him too much