Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Uniforms and CMS

170 replies

Eazypeazy · 25/08/2020 21:08

Dear all,

I get monthly child maintenance from the children's father. I have asked that he pays for half the childrens new school uniform but he is refusing. I have said that the CM does not cover the costs of the uniform but be thinks otherwise.

Am i being unreasonable in requesting this?

OP posts:
timetest · 25/08/2020 22:26

Legally he doesn’t have to pay a penny more than child maintenance. Morally, I believe he should offer.

Waveysnail · 25/08/2020 22:27

You can ask but he doesnt have to agree!

ny20005 · 25/08/2020 22:27

@Lisa3578 I'm assuming you don't have children with this boyfriend. Greed 🙄

Lisa3578 · 25/08/2020 22:32

@ny20005 no we do not have any children together. A parent has a responsibilty for their children which he does. He doesnt get any financial help for when he has the children. You cannot have it both ways

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/08/2020 22:36

Minimum CMS payment and calling the mother greedy for asking for help towards uniform and school trips.

You are one lucky woman, hope you manage to keep hold of that prince among men.

timetest · 25/08/2020 22:38

Just had a look at my nearest state comprehensive. It would cost around £350 not including shoes to equip a DC with new uniform (an academy). I’m quite shocked at the price of their uniform and surprised that schools can make parents pay extra for school logo jumpers, sports wear and skirts.

lyralalala · 25/08/2020 22:39

@Lisa3578

my boyfriend is in a similar position. He pays what the CMS tell him to pay every month and she still demands extra money for school uniforms, trips and the like. It is just greed in my opinion
Imagine expecting him to cover more than the very bare minimum (which is what cms is). What a cow she is...

It’s almost as if CMS calculations don’t generally touch the sides of what it costs to raise a child

lyralalala · 25/08/2020 22:40

[quote Lisa3578]@ny20005 no we do not have any children together. A parent has a responsibilty for their children which he does. He doesnt get any financial help for when he has the children. You cannot have it both ways[/quote]
Yes he does. His maintenance is reduced to take into account the time he has them. It would just be pointless to take that amount off him and give him it back in another transaction.

Bollss · 25/08/2020 22:41

See I don't really get the "CMS is the minimum" it's not. It's the reccomended amount for whatever income you have. So for some rps it will be a huge amount, and for some very very little but you can't generalise it as a "minimum" really.

netflixismysidehustle · 25/08/2020 22:46

Yanbu to ask but he's technically right.

The CMS amount is a minimum. Many decent fathers pay CMS plus half of costs like school uniform (especially when they start secondary and costs £100s) Hope you're proud to be with a Mr Minimum who thinks that it's greed to ask for a contribution to big costs like uniform which is directly benefiting the child and not on the ex's nails and hair like some believe.

timetest · 25/08/2020 22:47

I don’t think many RPs spend just 12% of their income on housing, feeding, clothing, educating and entertaining their child but that is all a non resident parent pays. Doesn’t seem equitable to me.

RandomMess · 25/08/2020 22:47

@TrustTheGeneGenie it is the legal minimum amount the NRP can be forced to pay. It does not reflect the amount it costs the RP to raise the DC.

Many decent NRP pay above this so that their DC can enjoy activities that otherwise wouldn't be affordable.

Lisa3578 · 25/08/2020 22:50

Many decent NRP pay a lot to bring their children up as well. RP have financial responsibilty to pay towards the child/ren to

CelestialSpanking · 25/08/2020 22:51

YANBU to ask. Assuming he pays the CMS amount that is the bare minimum that is required by law. He’s no hero.

However, you can’t get blood out of a stone and in my experience you certainly can’t get any extra money out of these types for their children no matter how desperately the children are in need.

Bollss · 25/08/2020 22:52

[quote RandomMess]@TrustTheGeneGenie it is the legal minimum amount the NRP can be forced to pay. It does not reflect the amount it costs the RP to raise the DC.

Many decent NRP pay above this so that their DC can enjoy activities that otherwise wouldn't be affordable.[/quote]
Exactly it doesn't reflect anything except the income of the paying party. It's ridiculous to claim it doesn't meet the cost of bringing up a child because it's different for every recieving parent.

netflixismysidehustle · 25/08/2020 22:52

Of course the CMS is a minimum and most NRP who has lived with their children will know that the amount that they pay is less than the amount that they used to spend on the kids.

Most decent NRP are paying for extras - for example my ex pays for our children's phone contracts and paid half of the cost of car and insurance for our dc. I know other children who have NRP pay for their hobbies or subscriptions to gyms for example.

AllsortsofAwkward · 25/08/2020 22:58

Depends if they are primary school you can get uniform fairly cheap especially aldi and lidl. Ex never went half's but he got some for his house and if the shoes needed replacing half way through the year he got them. Senior school is more expensive and me and ex go half's this year everything still fits so its not an issue. I get £140 for one ds and he will alternate for school dinners.

sunset900 · 25/08/2020 23:08

Technically he should buy uniform for nights they are at his and you only buy enough for your nights. However, making it happen is impossible if they don't want to. My XH just used to send them in the stuff from the day before, even after agreeing to get a spare set. He even said to me once 'but that's £40'. Try buying 5 lots 🙄

angieloumc · 25/08/2020 23:08

Greed! Catch yourself on Lisa, the CMS ordered amount is the bare minimum! What a prince you have there, and you don't sound much better.

Lisa3578 · 25/08/2020 23:14

@angieloumc, the CMS got involved because she wanted it, she wasn't willing to discuss financial matters for the benefit of their children so your comment is unjust.

angieloumc · 25/08/2020 23:16

It's it unjust at all. The CMS is the bare minimum as I'm sure you know, most decent parents pay extra.

Bollss · 26/08/2020 06:29

Is it still the "bare minimum" if you earn 100k a year or?

Doccomplaint · 26/08/2020 06:33

Like everyone else said. If he’s paying Cm He doesn’t have to pay anything else.

lyralalala · 26/08/2020 06:36

CMS is the bare minimum. In the vast majority of cases the amount paid goes nowhere near a 50% contribution toward the cost of a child - except on Mumsnet where every partner pays a huge amount.

Is it still the "bare minimum" if you earn 100k a year or?

It is. CMS has a cap it will award. NRP's with genuinely high earning exes need to go through court, rather than CMS, to be allocated a proportional amount.

SoloMummy · 26/08/2020 06:46

@Eazypeazy

its £280 a month
That's £65 a week spread across the year, for what is in effect shared care, nearly being 5050. On that basis yabu and really should be planning ahead. Cm is for all child related costs - a contribution towards. Really the situation is quite unfair on him in real terms in that he has nearly the same amount of time yet still pays you. If he didn't contribute then it would be appropriate to share the cost or to say that he provides the uniform for his nights.