To have a birthday cake DD can’t eat?

[MummaW88]

I’m planning ahead for DD’s 1st birthday. She currently can’t have dairy or egg due to allergies. I’m hoping she outgrows them in time! It’s proving hard to find options for a vegan birthday cake; I’m not good at baking, and any bakeries nearby charge an extortionate amount for what I have in mind. I have a friend who makes beautiful cakes and has offered to make one, however she’s not confident with making a dairy and egg free one. My question, is it awful to have a birthday cake that she can’t eat? To clarify, I will get some little vegan cupcakes that she can have! she’d only be eating a small bit of the birthday cake so I thought cupcakes would be a good compromise. (I admit, the birthday cake would be more for me 😂) is that terrible?

@Byallmeans no way?? That’s genius! I’m definitely going to try that one!

I’ve not read the whole thread so not sure if anyone has mentioned Sponge , they are an online cake company and their cakes are lovely . We use them for GF cakes and I know they do vegan options at reasonable prices .

@MummaW88

I just don't get your objection to making/buying/commissioning a cake that everybody can eat. It is excluding her because she is the only person who can't eat it. They are no harder to make than a regular cake, or are easily available in shops.

I have a friend whose child has dietary requirements, and so she didn't feel excluded, made sure my cake was suitable for her and she wasn't even the birthday girl (and yes, first birthday), because I'd feel mean excluding her.

Ultimately though, you may have asked on AIBU, but your very defensive responses to anyone who disagrees with your plan, make me wonder why you posted in the first place.

@Floralnomad they have not, that’s so helpful thank you I’ll have a look!

[quote MummaW88]@Byallmeans no way?? That’s genius! I’m definitely going to try that one![/quote]
You definitely need to do that. Its delish. I use Coke and Dr. Pepper for chocolate cakes

Does a 1 year old need cake?! Mine had never tried it before so didn’t know what she was missing and was happy with a bowl of strawberries while the adults had delicious chocolate cake.

[quote MummaW88]@Byallmeans no way?? That’s genius! I’m definitely going to try that one![/quote]
It really works!

Chocolate cake mix and Fanta = chocolate orange cake.

Plus it has half the calories after taking all the butter/sugar/oil out 😮

It really works and saves my friend buying a rock hard dairy/egg free cake from a super market or spending £40+ on a vegan cake being made.

👍👍👍

@Babyboomtastic I have been defensive against rude responses insinuating I can’t be bothered or don’t care about my daughter. I am happy to listen to other opinions (hence why I posted). I can’t bake, and (not that I have to explain myself to you) but as stated previously money is tight and all the cakes I’ve seen are expensive, my friend is making one as a gift. How is it excluding her when she gets her own cupcakes just for her? How much do you think a 1 year old understands? I’m genuinely baffled by how strongly you seem to feel about cake!

@YippieKayakOtherBuckets

As a parent of a child with allergies I wouldn’t have a cake with the allergens at all at the party, simply because even if all of the guests knew not to feed her any the risk of her swiping some would be too great.

This - surely the first priority is to protect the child from the allergens by not having them at the party at all?

I’m pretty sure Dd didn’t have any of her cake on her 1st birthday and it cost me nearly 200 and was massively extravagant more like a wedding cake...she was due a nap by the time it was started and no way was I giving her sugar.

It was for the adults and mainly a treat for me, she didn’t drink any of the champagne either. 🙈

@Byallmeans this is genius. THIS is why I posted on here, for responses like yours.

@Babyboomtastic take note.

@PlumsInTheIcebox it’s more an intolerance than an allergy, it’s not anaphylactic shock inducing. And my friends/family are responsible enough to not leave things lying around, the same way I don’t leave other potentially harmful things within her reach.

I've got an amazing vegan chocolate recipe which is simple and delicious - let me find it for you. I'm not vegan (I'm not even vegetarian) but I made it for a vegan family member and we all love it.

People haven't been rude! You've asked what people think and you don't like some people's opinion.

No one has questioned your parenting, or your love for your child. Some people think it's a bit mean and the emphasis is a bit wrong. Some people think it's fine. It's upto you what you take from that.

Why post asking 'am I being unreasonable' if you are going to get upset at someone saying yes...

Thank you @TheWayOfTheWorld if only all responses were this nice and helpful.

Go for it, as they get older and more and more friends it equals less cake for you so get your portions in now in advance! She won’t have a clue.

She is one, she doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter.

Hopefully she will outgrow her intolerances but I went through different stages with my severely allergic son:

1. Do a cake everyone can eat (most kids in the part were not pleased about it)

2. make a normal cake and just a small part of it suitable for your kid (in DS case, the cake was in layers and the top layer was a smaller one separated from the rest by a small flat plate but all covered with the same icing.

3. when he was about 4 he requested a Thomas cake, he said he wanted that to share with his friends and didn’t mind if he had to eat his usual cake. (Obviously I almost cried at this, but finally understood that my son cared more about looks than eating the cake, so you are not too off the Mark with your first idea).

There will be tons of ocasiones when she will be invited to parties and won’t be able to partake of the cake, for those occasions it is always useful to carry your own piece of cake (I baked some sort of began brownies, cut them and pack them into individual portions, and kept in the freezer always ready for days out or parties)

Vegan chocolate cake recipe.

minimalistbaker.com/one-bowl-vegan-chocolate-cake/

@Babyboomtastic some clearly have been rude, calling me “ridiculous, mean, excluding my daughter” to name a few. I haven’t once gotten upset at a simple yes or someone disagreeing that they would do what I’m suggesting. I have gotten upset at overly judgemental responses. You’re clearly not listening to what I’m saying and taking what you want from my responses. If you have nothing constructive or helpful to add then I don’t think there’s much else to say?

@Byallmeans

Mumma if you get a box of betty Crocker cake mix and add any can of fizzy pop you will have a egg and dairy free cake.

Seriously -

Box mix
Soda.

I make one for my friends Dd every year.

I tend to use the rainbow mix and spite. Really light fluffy cake

I've seen this recommended elsewhere recently - tempted to give it a try! How much soda do you add?

[quote MummaW88]@Babyboomtastic some clearly have been rude, calling me “ridiculous, mean, excluding my daughter” to name a few. I haven’t once gotten upset at a simple yes or someone disagreeing that they would do what I’m suggesting. I have gotten upset at overly judgemental responses. You’re clearly not listening to what I’m saying and taking what you want from my responses. If you have nothing constructive or helpful to add then I don’t think there’s much else to say?[/quote]
You often can't win. On another thread people would tell you it is ridiculous making a fuss over a 1 year old's birthday - they don't know and won't remember it - and to do what suits you. People just like being contrary

At 1 it's absolutely fine.

What about two? Three? Twelve? When do you stop being selfish and let someone’s birthday actually be about them?

@TheWayOfTheWorld thank you so much!

@GetThatHelmetOn thank you that’s one of the most helpful responses I’ve had on here (not to discount the other helpful responses ) it’s great to have someone who has experienced it. This is why I posted for responses like yours. I wish everyone responding on here was as kind and helpful as you have been

This is all coming across a bit Instagram. It's more important that it will look good in the photos than whether she can eat it. Fine if that's where your priorities are.

But it does seem that you only posted here to get unanimous approval. You're thanking posters for those that give you that, and saying the ones that don't are attacking you and being rude. Nope, they're just putting their own view which is different to yours.

There are lots of options in Asda! I was randomly looking at celebration cakes yesterday and noticed at least 4/5 vegan options. Even if you can get a basic style you can jazz it up with cake toppers and decorations from amazon!