Mil and childcare

[Binny36]

Mil told me she’s not able to look after little one when I go back to work. Fair enough I totally understand. She said she can do one day. She was very forceful that she wants to look after him but just not longer than 1 day. I totally get it and I get she wants one day with him alone so as she’s his grandma and loves him. I organised childcare for other 2 days and 1 day with her.

Off to work next week and husband sulking today that why am I putting LO in nursery when his mum said she wants to take care of him. He’s forcing me now to cancel childcare and leave lo with mil for 3 days as that’s what she wants now!

I’m really annoyed but don’t want to get anxious and spiral out of control again just before starting my new job.

What would you do in my position? I’m really sick of this, there’s never any clear communication. I asked her early on and respected her choice of one day. Her response is that he’s easier to look after now and just plays by himself. I feel really angry. It’s caused me to doubt myself now and whether childcare is good for him or will he be happier with one:one interaction with mil and Fil. They both love him dearly and I know they will look after him. But nursery also has benefits.

Oops no idea why the grin came into my one to one interaction.

Keep the plans in place that you've already made. Your child is too young to be left to "play on his own" and when she realises how much work is actually involved, she will change her mind again. By then you may not get the availability you need in child care.

Sulking husband is another problem altogether; tell him to grow up and cut the apron strings.

What would I do in your position?
I wouldn't be in your position because my dh would never do anything like that, nor would I be with a man who "forces" me to do anything.

I’d stick with nursery.

In this situation I would just say I am committed for a month (ie you would need to pay if u pull him out) and see how they are with him on his one day with them. If they are fine and can cope fine then ask again before you cancel.

Leave childcare as it is. Will do your child good being around other children and give you peace of mind knowing there won't be any last minute changes.

@ @@AnneLovesGilbert@GrumpyHoonMain
@FatBottomedGurl
Thank you, yes my thoughts too stick with nursery! Xx

@Devlesko - seriously just STOP!

Stick with your plan. He shouldn't be playing on his own all the time anyway. Not good developmentally.

@firestarterdumdedum thanks! Yes I’m hoping it will do him good. He needs other kids to play with

@PicaK thanks

I would stick with her doing 1 day a week and 2 days nursery. Nursery will be far more reliable.

I feel like there can be issues when MIL's do a lot of childcare. I had lots of issues with my MIL acting like my child was hers and telling me how I should be raising her etc. Have seen several other similar posts on here.

I would definitely stick with your original plan.

Forcing you? What’s he going to do? Physically stand at the nursery gates?

Stick with nursery. Your MIL could well change their mind again and you’ll have lost your place. Plus what if she gets sick or wants a holiday. There are so many reasons for things to change. 3 days is a massive commitment and they could well be exhausted. Plus nursery is great for social interaction especially if they’re going to leave him to play by himself!

Keep your plans in place. She sounds too flaky for to me.

Plus, he may be easier to look after right now but that can change rather quickly, especially if he misses you for the first few weeks.

Yes, stick with your okab7, you can't up end all your lives and plans every time Mil changes her mind. The balance sounds right away... 2 days with folks his own size and one with a loving granny.

Stick with your plan!

I would keep nursery going. It's good to have a back up; MiL may need doctors appointments, go on holiday, be called away for something else...best to keep your plans in place.

Explain to DH that if he wants to cancel nursery, he is then responsible for all drop offs, pick ups and sick leave (it takes two loose nappies and your child will be off for the week).

No, no, no. If she changes her mind again you are screwed. Just stick with the plans you made.

He might be easy at this stage, he'll soon be a stroppy two year old or potty training or clingy non-napper. What then? Ditch him again? You want someone doing enriching things with him not just glad he plays by himself!

I'm just wondering OP

Was your DH happy with the idea of nursery, or do you think he could've guilt tripped his mum a bit and that's why she's changed her mind?

Keep with your plans. You’ve not even started yet and mil is already messing you around

Tell your husband that he sticks with your childcare arrangements or he takes responsibility for it. Bet he changes his tune quickly when he realises how much drop offs & pick ups impact on his time

I wasn’t meaning literally forcing me. Replace with “encouraging”, “coaxing”

I'd put him in for three days and visits to MIL can be organised by DH.

If she is likely to change her mind (sounds it) then stick with the plans. She may find it harder work than anticipated. It will be much less stressful for your little one to move from 2-3 days in nursery than to suddenly start nursery when she finds it all too much.

Definitely keep nursery, even if it's just one day a week so you have back up if she lets you down. I've been there and got burnt, my DD was constantly let down and MIL only used to have her for 2 hours, 2 days a week!