Mil and childcare

[Binny36]

Mil told me she’s not able to look after little one when I go back to work. Fair enough I totally understand. She said she can do one day. She was very forceful that she wants to look after him but just not longer than 1 day. I totally get it and I get she wants one day with him alone so as she’s his grandma and loves him. I organised childcare for other 2 days and 1 day with her.

Off to work next week and husband sulking today that why am I putting LO in nursery when his mum said she wants to take care of him. He’s forcing me now to cancel childcare and leave lo with mil for 3 days as that’s what she wants now!

I’m really annoyed but don’t want to get anxious and spiral out of control again just before starting my new job.

What would you do in my position? I’m really sick of this, there’s never any clear communication. I asked her early on and respected her choice of one day. Her response is that he’s easier to look after now and just plays by himself. I feel really angry. It’s caused me to doubt myself now and whether childcare is good for him or will he be happier with one:one interaction with mil and Fil. They both love him dearly and I know they will look after him. But nursery also has benefits.

Wanting you to change your plans one week before you start back at work is highly unreasonable, not just for you but also the nursery.

I’m really annoyed but don’t want to get anxious and spiral out of control again just before starting my new job.

I think if you look closely enough you'll find your dh is the cause of your anxiety

No I don’t think he guilt tripped her honestly. I think she’s noticed how easier he’s becoming as he’s getting older.

She has numerous faults but she is very reliable and will prioritise my LO over other things. I’m just so bloody annoyed as few weeks ago if she told me I could have delayed nursery till January/February as he’s bound to be ill with cold n stuff u catch from nursery,

@Devlesko you maybe are right!

Definitely send him to nursery. He will benefit so much more at nursery than sitting around with just gps the whole day. Do what's best for your ds not your sulking husband and his parents.
Definitely dont do things to please other people at the expense of your ds best interest

He’ll still catch a cold in January or Feb, or any other time. They all do. Although I think my first caught more bugs than my second, which would make sense. I’m sure my GP said toddlers catch about 7 viruses a year.

If she is going to be leaving him to his own devices she would be having him zero days a week

Stick with nursery, you will almost certainly have to pay them anyway. Plus your MIL may change her mind again. It's always good to have another option to fall back on

Stick with the current plans. You don't want to risk her keep changing her mind.

How old is he?

I always found it far, far easier to know I had reliable and unconditional childcare in the form of nursery when I went back to work. There's enough to think about w/o factoring sulking husbands and ILs fannying around.

Has your MIL even tried having him 3 full days a week yet?

Stick with the nursery for 2 days, no one needs flaky childcare arrangements. Husband can sulk.

@Binny36

No I don’t think he guilt tripped her honestly. I think she’s noticed how easier he’s becoming as he’s getting older.

She has numerous faults but she is very reliable and will prioritise my LO over other things. I’m just so bloody annoyed as few weeks ago if she told me I could have delayed nursery till January/February as he’s bound to be ill with cold n stuff u catch from nursery,

If that's the case and she really is normally very reliable, I'd just do whatever suits you.

You might feel better not having to worry about your DS settling into nursery, while you're settling into a new job yourself.

Another one saying stick to your plan!

I would keep to one day and see how it goes; my mil offered to do 2 but I’m worried it will be too tiring and restrictive so I’m starting with 1 day and will see how she finds it

I would stick with your plans. One of the positives of nursery is that you can drop off and go, then pick up and go! My in laws always expected me to combine collection with a half an hour visit and I had to prise my baby from them when all I wanted to do was get home and relax!

Nursery all the time. Family childcare arrangements can be dropped at anytime and you are stuck looking after DC because you haven’t got a nursery place. I mean you and not DH as I bet he wouldn’t take a days leave at short notice.

I think nursery will be beneficial to your child, so I say keep arrangements as they are. He will be be able to get things from nursery that he can't get from grandparents, such as playing with other children, learning boundaries, meal times, tidy up time. He won't just be playing on his own.

I'd be taking him to nursery the two days.
My DC thrived in their nursery setting. It was really good for them.
Mil can have him on day a week.

Stick with nursery. We have done a mix of nursery and grandparents. There will be times when she is Iill or wants to go on holiday. Using nursery will mean you only have to cover one day and can potentially use nursery for an extra day big they have space.

I am coming on from the point of view of a gp. My dd works 3 days a week and my sil works shifts so is available some days. When dd went back to work 2 year’s ago I had dgs for at most 1 an a half days a week and Dgs went to childminder the rest of the time. I love having him but I know that I couldn’t have managed any more. I also cover any time he is ill.

He has loved being with his childminder and he has really enjoyed interacting with other children. I strongly feel that you should stay with the nursery for 2 days and mil for 1.

I do DGC childcare.

Keep nursery on. Best of both worlds.

Stick to your guns OP, you could lose the nursery place, if your MIL finds 3 days difficult. Personally your child will have the best of both worlds. Sounds a sensible plan to me.

@VillanellesOrangeCoat

Tell your husband that he sticks with your childcare arrangements or he takes responsibility for it. Bet he changes his tune quickly when he realises how much drop offs & pick ups impact on his time

This.

Any changes to what you have arranged means HE will have to find alternative childcare or take time off himself, not YOU. You've done your bit - it's his "time to shine" seeing as it's oh so easy to arrange and change at a moments notice

Stick to your guns.

Another vote for stick to the plan

@Devlesko thanks for your input. It was particularly helpful.