To think you're not allowed to be proud of breastfeeding any more....

[TheatreJunkie84]

NOT a breast is best thread.

I've had the journey from hell. Tongue tie, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, shitty latch, literally everything except low supply....but here I am 3 months in still going, on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

It started off well...messages of congrats and other stories of the peer supporters helping out new mums. Suddenly out of nowhere I got called arrogant and told I should have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't throw be throwing it down everyones necks. Before I knew it loads of other mums all joined in, basically saying breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up. Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I cant so this makes you better than me? Piss off.'

I quickly deleted it, feeling really ashamed of myself. I'm on the verge tears now every time I think about it. Am I being unreasonable here? I honestly wanted to give up so many times....but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?

I don't know.

Vivi0 yes I agree with you, I came here with a baby and was still BF. It actually feels sometimes like people think we are doing something wrong or bad. Its strange.

Formula isn't a "perfectly safe alternative"

Yes it is if prepared properly, crap like this does no favours to conversations such as this, except for the stereotype that BFers judge those who FF. Formula is fantastic, women who formula feed also have challenges and it can be bloody hard at times, same as those who BF. There are minute positives to BFing at a population level, but it's not the case that it's best for everyone depending on circumstances as a whole rather than just feeding. However, I absolutely think that people shouldn't be able to be openly proud about however they feed, which includes BFing. If you are so concerned about the risks, perhaps lobby for better postnatal support for FF mums, eh?

@unmarkedbythat

So did I. Had total oversupply and never got so much as a cracked nipple.

Im talking about some of the traumatic experiences being recounted on this thread.

@Couchbettato

How bloody unhelpful to the cause of breastfeeding can you be? Please don't.

theatrejunkie84 I’ve not read all the other posts, just yours, and you should feel proud of what you have accomplished
I’m a sad old sack, but over 30 years ago I went through exactly the same trials as you to feed my dc and even now I am still proud that I stuck with it.
And If that attitude upsets some people, well that really is their problem.

Peak mumsnet @Davros 'I don't like people being proud of anything. It's patronising.'

Brilliant 😂😂😂😂

And I do believe the low rates need to be addressed
Do they? The OP rightly considers herself a breastfeeding mother, but according to those statistics she isn’t because her baby has some formula. How many other women who breastfeed aren’t included because they’ve given some formula, or started solids before 6 months, or something else that deviates from the really narrowly drawn definition of breastfeeding success?

I believe they do, yes. Even if that “addressing” is looking into them further. For example, perhaps there is a reason the likes of UNICEF only refer to exclusively breastfed babies. Public Health England collects data on breastfed babies which includes partially fed babies, so the basis of some data there.

@Wolfgirrl so sorry, I seem to have difficulty recognising sympathetic support when it's disguised as unpleasant sniping.

Interesting observation....

A recurring theme I'm seeing in this thread is people mentioning the lack of support available to new mums who wish to feed.

Another recurring theme - 'you should have posted it in a breastfeeding group - not a general mum group. Maybe then you'd get a better response.'

Don't you see the issue here? I shouldn't HAVE to post it anywhere. I wanted to signpost a great support group. Why would I signpost a support group in a group made for women who already breastfeed?

I am trying to help other women. How can anyone do this if we are forced to remain silent to appease the wishes of those who are offended by breastfeeding.

Does no-one else see how messed up this is?

BikeTyson. It isn't scaremongering. Once bacteria has been introduced from the mouth of babies, formula shouldn't be reused later. Formula is full of sugars which feed into bacterial proliferation. Once the seal on formula packaging is broken it's reintroduced to bacteria to the powder.

A clean water supply makes no odds, because the bacteria isn't in the water. It's in the formula, which is why it should be boiled and always made fresh.

But I am angry at the system, because it fails every one. I just object to formula being called "perfectly safe" because it isn't. And most people who use formula will at some point grow weary of making fresh every time, or will use bottled water, and some people will even fall into a routine of making their formula this way, even when educated about it.

I've never had a baby and obviously have never breastfed. But for the love of GOD, stay OFF FB! The site is known for being full of bullying, insecure and old fashioned women. Most of the men who frequent it regularly are just in it for the dick pics. I come off there when I realized it was damaging my mental health. The type of people on FB who gang up on a breastfeeding mother and project their own shit to the Nth degree, are absolute cocks. Get off FB. Don't share your lovely pictures with those witches. Be proud of yourself. From what I hear, those symptoms and medical difficulties you have mentioned are bloody painful. Fuck them.

It’s the same with giving birth. I had an horrific first birth experience, truly horrible. Every time I heard a positive birth story it made me really sad especially those mums that hinted that it’s down to positive mental attitude and that I must have a low pain threshold or was a wimp basically. Some mums just don’t seem to comprehend that for some it is more painful, it’s nothing to do with your pain threshold or whether you did hynobirthing! It shouldn’t be a competition between mums but it is! I found breastfeeding an absolute doddle with my first. No problems at all. My second was a different story altogether. If she had been my first I would have given up right at the beginning but knowing the convenience of breast feeding I didn’t. I understand what those mums were saying but I would have just scrolled on .

I am trying to help other women. How can anyone do this if we are forced to remain silent to appease the wishes of those who are offended by breastfeeding.

Again with the dismissing those devastated as their inability to breastfeed as being "offended"

I never said I needed a pat on the back for feeding my child. I just said I felt proud for succeeding through all the trials I faced. Is that genuinely not allowed? Am I a bad person for feeling happy that I got through all my challenges

But when you posted the photo, you were expecting ‘well done’ comments. Or did you really think you would get no comments? if so.why did you post it? Of course you can post that photo, but people can be nasty, as you’ve found. And it’s best if you learn to feel things and not need others to validate that. Your feelings are valid already, they should be enough.

If I seen a photo like you posted saying you were proud I would wonder why you’re posting it. I’d think you were not in a good place deep down to seek validation. It’s like when people post selfies of themselves. They think they look great, they want everyone else to say they look great as deep down they have insecurities and seek validation. I always feel a bit sad for people like this. Just live your life. If you’re truly happy and proud and in a good place, great. If deep down you’re not, try to get some help so that you can feel those things without needing random people.

The judgement goes both ways!

Interesting that the BF mums feel like a minority, scared to BF in public, scared to talk about their 'journey'. The experience is the opposite for a huge number of FF mums - they feel guilty, 'breast is best' forced down their throat, surrounded by BFing mothers, feeding everywhere.

Its such an emotive subject but its disingenuous to suggest that there is no judgement on this thread - it is full of it!

HCPs providing zero information to pregnant women about how to safely and correctly prepare formula, instead of them having to find out from potentially unreliable or out of date sources instead. I think a lot of the issues here are exactly about this, on both sides of the argument. My midwife seemed too scared to talk to me about feeding; there was no information offered about either. Most of my friends appear to have a similar experience.

It just seems to have become too emotive and we have found ourselves in ever decreasing circles!

Sorry, posted too soon.

I am trying to help other women. How can anyone do this if we are forced to remain silent to appease the wishes of those who are offended by breastfeeding.

If you really wanted to help, would you not have had some empathy for those mothers for whom that help had come a few weeks or months too late?

@TheatreJunkie84 YANBU

Breastfeeding can be hard and sticking with it and giving your baby something good to start off with is great.

Some women cannot breastfeed, most could if they tried and some don't try. Personal choice really but don't let the ones who don't try knock you back.

Best wishes and ignore the ones who don't appreciate how great breastfeeding is..

Yes be proud and don't worry about what they said they sound bitter.
Post what you like on social media if that's your thing, everyone does it.
If a mother posted a pic of her formula feeding and everyone had a go at her for it it would probably make the Daily Mail!
You shouldn't have to worry about sparing other people's 'feelings' all the time what a load of nonsense.
Should you not post your holiday pics because someone else might not be able to afford a holiday?
You child's exam results because someone else's kid may not have done well?

Breastfeeding shouldn't be causing such contention among women! Where is the feminism? It's always women taking other women down about their feeding choices it's madness!

@DancingCatGif

you're allowed to feel however you want to feel.

Don't expect anyone else to care.

No one ever says they were proud of formula feeding so it does come across as a bit smug.

You fed a baby, it was your choice how you did it so it's a bit whatever really

Jeez, a real chip on your shoulder there @DancingCatGif

@TheatreJunkie84

Why would I signpost a support group in a group made for women who already breastfeed?

But you were just using 'signposting' as an excuse to post a smug photo.

If someone wants bfing help, they can just google 'breastfeeding help near me'. I cant imagine they would twiddle their thumbs waiting for a spontaneous post from another mum on an unrelated group.

Does no-one else see how messed up this is?

Nobody is 'silencing' breastfeeding mums. But, as with everything in life, there is a time & place.

The crux of it is that you're outraged you didnt get the responses you wanted so you have come to MN... and now you are outraged again that you're not getting the responses you wanted. Give it up OP and join a bfing group.

Oh and to add, the people on here acting like this woman is being patronising or pretentious, get a grip. Fucking idiotic morons. How TF is she sniping? Where did OP say "I have made it through the land of the breastfeeding mothers! And I hereby claim my war and efforts as superior". She's simply tried to share her journey and success with like-minded people. Nob heads.

I am trying to help other women. How can anyone do this if we are forced to remain silent to appease the wishes of those who are offended by breastfeeding.

Ok, you’re starting to sound a bit obsessed now. You’re clearly very pro breastfeeding and have an agenda. I think you knew exactly what you were doing by posting the photo, just like you knew this thread would give you the debate you’re after.

Yawn!

Couchbettato
But the health outcomes for FF babies compared to BF babies are not significantly different. So this isn’t borne out by the evidence. How many babies are dying from drinking formula in Britain?

BF newborn babies are at significantly more risk of jaundice which can (in a minuscule number of cases) lead to brain damage. But I wouldn’t suggest this meant breastfeeding wasn’t optimum.

I combi fed one child (who has CMPA) and EBF another.

I personally felt zero pressure to breastfeed. Both my mum and MiL breastfed for the first year so were encouraging but not pressuring. I actually felt way more pressure to switch to formula / give bottles. I lost count of how many times I was told to give formula to my son despite me saying it was making him violently sick. The HV clearly didn't believe me.

I got made to feel super guilty that I couldn't leave my breastfed baby at 5 months to go to an adult only wedding.

I was told I was 'making a rod for my own back' because I didn't starve DD into taking a bottle.

I was told I was selfish for not letting DH have 'bonding' time with DD. DH never minded not giving her a bottle, he had lots of other ways to bond.

I had a HV not believe me that DD was breastfed because she is a chunky baby - apparently breastfed babies must be underweight weaklings 🤷🏼‍♀️

I loved my breastfeeding moments with my children, but my ability to do it has nothing to do with anyone else.

I've never run a marathon, don't think I could and have no inclination to try. I'm not about to get pissy at someone who has run one. They deserve a medal for that lol