how old were you when you had your children

[thedaywewillremeber]

I had ds1 at 21 ds2 24 ds3 at 28. Did you feel too old or too young? Or was the age just right for you. I feel that it would have been better for me if I had had my first at 28.

I think the idea of having them young and then having a whale of a time in your 40s sounds good, but very few people actually do it. Mumsnet is apparently full of people who had children in their teens or early 20s and then an amazing career, but that's statistically unlikely. Also, fewer and fewer people are 'done' raising their children, financially or otherwise, once that child turns 18 so some of these calculations of when you'll be living a carefree life are... optimistic.

I also sometimes think when reading those posts that if the goal is to be free of the responsibilities of children as soon as possible isn't the easiest option just to not have them?

Mid 30s and late 30s. For various reasons I wasnt really in a position to do it earlier but in an ideal world I'd have started and finished a couple of years earlier as my energy levels now arent great!

That said, of course, for lots of people their 20s aren't exactly all partying, disposable income and holidays whether or not they have children. This idea of having a time of self-indulgence and being footloose and fancy-free, either before or after children, is quite a middle-class, privileged one. Most people never get that at either end of adulthood.

I had DS1 at 18
DD at 22
DS2 at 30

Hardback you have a point. And I've seen too many threads where people judge each others' life choices.

Each situation is so different, doesn't this thread show it? Some people like to reduce it to class which might make them feel better about their choices (for instance abortion is sth I can't do) but it's really quite fallacious as an argument.

As with everything there are pros and cons.

I'm focusing on my pros.

I had a wonderful time in my 20's and early 30's. I enjoyed every second, I partied, travelled the world, studied and just thoroughly had the most amazing time, children would have ruined that for me (selfishly). I didn't even want children until my mid-30s.

I didn't meet DH until I was 37, had DS at 39 and am now pregnant and will have this baby at 42. It would possibly have been nicer to have them both a couple of years earlier and be done by 40 but tbh it probably wouldn't have changed anything.

I'm genuinely shocked at people in the early and mid-30's talking about not having enough energy - I'd think something was wrong with me if I felt like that at this age. We go out walking, swimming, bike riding, I work an intensive job, I'm studying for my 2nd degree. Luckily we can afford a lovely home too and lots of holidays and travelling, this wouldn't have been possible when I was younger.

So on balance, I think for me this is pretty perfect. A lot of my friends have babies and toddlers at similar ages.

I think there is likely a link to class/income levels and teen pregnancy. When my DS went to his first school in a "poor" area I wasn't the youngest mum by any stretch of the imagination (had him at 19). Whereas at his current school in an expensive village I'm the youngest parent by far (by easy 10+ years). I was helping at DS' Beavers and one kid was incredulous when I said I was 26 as his mum was a whole 20 years older than me.

Yy the 'no one in my circle darling' people, are they living in the real world?

I went to private boarding school with a girl, who was at the very least semi- aristocratic and was sent away to have her baby and basically made to give her away. I felt so sorry for her. I still think about her.

That was just in the 90s.

35 and 37. Given circumstances it was the right time. Ideally though circumstances would have made it possible a couple of years earlier. No way would I have wanted them before my 30s.

I had both in my mid to late 30s. No way could I have had them younger. I was having too much fun

@YerAWizardHarry

I think there is likely a link to class/income levels and teen pregnancy. When my DS went to his first school in a "poor" area I wasn't the youngest mum by any stretch of the imagination (had him at 19). Whereas at his current school in an expensive village I'm the youngest parent by far (by easy 10+ years). I was helping at DS' Beavers and one kid was incredulous when I said I was 26 as his mum was a whole 20 years older than me.

I think the conventional wisdom is that MC and WC teens get pregnant at similar rates but that the WC ones are more likely to continue with the pregnancy. Though how true that is (or still is - I was told that as a teenager) I don't know.

It is definitely true that there is a correlation between class and age at which you have children, though:

"In 2015, households employed in intermediate and routine occupations as defined by the National Statistics Socio-economic classification had an average (mean) age of mother at birth under 30 years; households employed in higher managerial, administrative and professional occupations had an average age of mother over 30 years."

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsbyparentscharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2015#mothers-tend-to-be-younger-in-households-employed-in-intermediate-and-routine-occupations

19
22
25

DD 24 and DS 28.

Exactly right for me. I am now 47 and I own my own home, have a successful career - even though I worked part time until my youngest was 11. I travel, I have money for nice things, I am totally loving this phase of my life. Definitely have not suffered from empty nest syndrome - too busy having fun to be honest!

Age 24 for my only child. Wouldn't change a thing but at 30 it's annoying that's still non of my real friends have had a baby yet.

I have mum friends and they are all older and closer to 40/40+

@hardbackwriter

Yes of course, mc girls get pregnant young just as wc girls do. Difference is the mc girls are more likely to opt for terminations they have careers, travelling and lots of opportunities ahead of them. Wc girls are more likely to have the baby as if there's not much ahead of you beyond a minimum wage job, motherhood is an inevitability so might as well get on with it.

25, 30, 32, 37(due Jan)

Too old, would have had all of mine younger. This last one is killing me, having a baby at 25 was a million times easier, running round after a toddler was a million times easier, the lack of sleep was a million times easier.

The choice was taken out of my hands, so its not something i dwell on too much and wouldn't change a thing. Always wanted 4 but decided after 3 i was simply too old and wanted to be able to enjoy time with hubs once the kids are teens but then i just could not get baby 4 out my mind so starting all over again. Not sure if i'm completely mad or not yet. :)

23, 25 and 28 think it was about right. Would have been sooner had it not taken two years from TTC with my eldest.

37 . Established career first then went straight back to it . Worked for me .

29 and 30
Right age for me

27 and 29. It was right for me.

I'm 38 now and whilst im not decrepit, I feel young and have energy but it's nowhere near how i felt in my twenties and my DC were babies and toddlers. I look back in amazement at myself. I remember getting the train and tube to London by myself with a baby and toddler and taking them to the zoo for the day..I had a buggy on my back, baby in sling, holding my toddler on the escalator. I must have been mad.

41, DH was 46

I would’ve gone slightly earlier so we had time for a second, so perhaps 38/39. But I had a lovely easy pregnancy and birth and no regrets

27 and 32.
They are in their 20s now and both working. Five year gap which I do regret. A two year gap may have been better. Lots of my friends had smaller age gaps between their children.
I had so much more energy back then!

29 for my first and 33 for my second (pregnant at the moment) had aimed to have them closer together but it didn't work out that way.

22 and 25 (now 34)
first in my circle of close friends, couldn't imagine starting over now with either a 3rd or from scratch if we hadn't had them when we did.

A lot of my school year are only just having babies though. I sometimes wish I'd been single longer, or without child, maybe travelled, but I'm starting to enjoy my life now (not that I haven't for 12 years!!) I can leave them with people, do things without them, be a couple again. Things that aren't the same with children around - no matter what you say!!