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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

List of rules making me feel on edge

235 replies

Ziggyzaggy · 24/08/2020 15:58

My daughter has been home since march and will be going into year one next week. The school said that they will be in a class bubble before the summer holidays. They made it clear that the kids would just be mixing in that one class. I was fine with it and because she's in with her best friend I know she'll be happy. We've just had a long email from the headmaster with all the new rules and guidance and plans in place. Basically the kids will be going through the fire exits into the classroom. They won't be allowed to use the corridors. They have decided that despite the government saying they don't need to social distance in bubbles that they are going to make them social distance anyway. they've decided that children can't touch each other in the bubble and no-contact games will be allowed. They won't be allowed to sit on the carpet and the children will be at desks facing forward. They will only be allowed to the toilet in a bubble slot and they are banned from sharing food. They have to clean up their own cuts and scrapes but if they can't you will be called to collect your child and clean them up yourself at home. the school will report your child to the health authority if they shows signs of being unwell but will inform you of this. They are only allowed to walk home with the adult and not with their class friends. They want us there for 9 a.m. in the morning. they don't want us to be early and they don't want us to go near other parents as we queue down the street. they are encouraging kids to go through the gate by themselves and say goodbye to their parents at the gate. the teachers are allowed to help children with work but have to stay at least 1 metres away and can't help them for no more than 15 minutes. my daughter has not been at school for months and barely got into reception before lockdown. I'm well aware that the schools will be supporting the kids as well and trying to teach these new rules in a fun way but I feel like my daughter will mess up every day. She's used to holding hands with her friends and walking with her best friend to school. They all used to share snacks after school in the playground. they are used to sitting together and working together as a team. suddenly now they're not even going to be allowed to sit and do activities together. I know it might sound worse on paper but I just think for a 5-year old this experience of school is really negative. They won't be having assemblies or anything at the moment and they've said for the first two terms that theres no school meals. It just sounds really tough for a five-year-old. I hope the school make it fun and this doesn't put my daughter of going to school. It upsets me to think of her being told off for going near friends. they've also said that people can't pick your child up from a different bubble. that's going to make it hard for some parents as they used to share the school runs with friends last year. I'm presuming that my family can collect my child if there's ever a reason I can't go go but it just all seems very strict at the moment. I understand but it's confusing for them to suddenly not be allowed to do anything they used to. Not to mention having to walk in alone from the gates after a long break to a new class and teacher.

It looks like these plans are remaining until at least January. Kids will be full of anxiety being expected to be so mature so young.

OP posts:
Tootletum · 24/08/2020 16:52

Shocking overreaction if you ask me. But all you'll hear on this board is how it's a fatal disease, stay safe, bla bla. Not about how long lasting the psychological harm might be. Your daughter is what, six ? How can she possibly understand all this? Lower fatality rate than flu and they treat human bodies like dangerous virus vectors - which they always have been.

Takingabreakagain · 24/08/2020 16:54

@Ziggyzaggy you should look up the campaign #usforthem - it is a group of concerned parents, teachers and professionals campaigning for children to go back to school as normally as possible. There are studies which acknowledge that such stringent measures are not necessary especially for the very young ones.

LordOftheRingz · 24/08/2020 16:58

I love all the covid automatons on here, that will subscribe to any set of rules to get their kids back in and woe betide any parent who shows concern, are you Boris bots.

BrieAndChilli · 24/08/2020 16:58

I think you are being a bit hysterical Hmm

Yes there will be more rules than normal and less physical contact but the teacher will do everything they can to make it a friendly and positive atmosphere. There aren’t going to be backing away from your young child chanting’unclean’ and ‘shame’

Our primary is allowing infants to mix and staff are to social distance when it is possible - so able to get close to children but not unecessarily.
Juiniors will be social distancing where possible. All classrooms have a door to the outside anyway and have thier own patio play area so these doors will be used inset was of internal classroom doors and there will be a one way system around the grounds. The grounds are lovely with lots of field/woodland/various playgrounds/nature area and pond/several log circles etc so in good weather they will be making the most of it and doing lots of learning outside in the fresh air.
Staggered drop offs and pick ups for each year. You mention not being able to mix with friends after school and share snacks - we are all still supposed to be social Distancing and I wouldn’t be sharing food with other anyway, can’t see how that is the schools fault!

The other option would be for schools not to open at all, in this pandemic some amendments need to be made. I feel opening with some restrictions in place is much better than not opening at all!!

SusansSassySidePony · 24/08/2020 17:02

I'm not sure if you're complaining the rules are too strict or that since they need so many rules, it's too dangerous for the DCs to be back at all.
Either way, your DD will adapt. It's been so long since they've been in school and they'll accept this as normal.
Also, in practise your DD won't notice most of the rules. She won't realise it's a rule to face the front or not sit on the carpet. She'll just accept it as what happens.

gamerchick · 24/08/2020 17:03

@LordOftheRingz

I love all the covid automatons on here, that will subscribe to any set of rules to get their kids back in and woe betide any parent who shows concern, are you Boris bots.
So what do you suggest for the OP then?
Chloemol · 24/08/2020 17:03

The is a pandemic, they dont really know if kids are super speaders or not, there are cases in school

The school are doing the best they can, yes it’s different but if you explain she should be fine, but don’t take about it in the done you have here.

Or if you don’t like it de register her and home school her

gamerchick · 24/08/2020 17:04

@Tootletum

Shocking overreaction if you ask me. But all you'll hear on this board is how it's a fatal disease, stay safe, bla bla. Not about how long lasting the psychological harm might be. Your daughter is what, six ? How can she possibly understand all this? Lower fatality rate than flu and they treat human bodies like dangerous virus vectors - which they always have been.
So what do you suggest?
viques · 24/08/2020 17:04

OP I strongly advise you to start looking for some positive aspects to your dd going back to school, otherwise she will pick up on your negativity and woe is me attitude, if she hasn't already.

Children go to school in all sorts of circumstances all over the world, kids in rural India sit on dirt floors, they don't have soft toys, book corners, Lego, hot lunch, shared snacks etc etc etc. They still learn, and your daughter will learn too, and she will have positive memories of school and her Y1 experience, but only if you haven't reduced her to a terrified scrap of anxiety quivering in the corner being told by her parent that she is missing our on all the good stuff.

thunderstormsaredue · 24/08/2020 17:05

My DCs school is far more relaxed, but still within the guidelines. The government is not to blame for everything (although they have been bloody useless).

If you have concerns I suggest a zoom call with the Head Teacher who will explain the whys and hows and hopefully set your mind at rest.

FWIW the younger the DC the more accepting they are of strange rules adults insist on. It's the older ones who are going to push back and get stressed.

Devlesko · 24/08/2020 17:06

Maybe deregister and H.ed until you are happy with the provision.
It's not ideal, but it's the same for them all, you have choices.
I'm not sure mine would be going back if still in primary, tbh.

cologne4711 · 24/08/2020 17:07

Some of this appears to have nothing to do with covid at all, eg no school meals.

And if a child needs the loo, they need the loo. You can't have "bubble slots". Otherwise it sounds reasonable or just normal eg a 5 year old can't walk home with their friends anyway.

dwiz8 · 24/08/2020 17:07

@Ziggyzaggy

I think they are being over the top. It's absolutely no fun for five year olds to avoid eachother and be sat at a desk all day with no carpet time and minimal outdoor time.

I think the mental health affect on children is going to be huge. But parents have this they will adapt attitude. Long term though what does that mean for them. Phobias of germs, people, places. Anxiety. Worrying about school and making mistakes. Missing friends in other classes. Feeling teachers are no longer kind as they keep moving away and won't help them when they fall. Less toys and equipment means less fun. We've got to tell them the germs are still out there after protecting them for months from them. It is not as simple as they will adapt.

Some will and some won't. I hope my daughter loves it. I certainly won't be saying anything to her. Although I think her nerves on the first day will be worse based on me not being allowed through the gates.

Do you know what else isn't fun for 5 year olds?

Getting coronavirus, or being hooked up to a ventilator, or their parents/grandparents dying

But sure moan about the fact your child doesn't get to hold hands with her friend smh

YABU

dwiz8 · 24/08/2020 17:08

@cologne4711

Some of this appears to have nothing to do with covid at all, eg no school meals.

And if a child needs the loo, they need the loo. You can't have "bubble slots". Otherwise it sounds reasonable or just normal eg a 5 year old can't walk home with their friends anyway.

It does have something to do with covid

Schools are keeping staff numbers low. Extra staff for cooking meals aren't required for learning and therefore in the most part aren't being brought back

Topseyt · 24/08/2020 17:14

I think that all of those rules are so over the top that the whole thing will fall flat on its face very quickly, so don't worry.

nogoodsolution · 24/08/2020 17:26

OP, I think it sounds awful.

That said, it is very similar to the way school was when I was five. This was in the 70s. There wasn't any playing or shared tables. We sat at our own desks with lids. We did have playtimes and school lunches - but we were only allowed to go to the loo at break times, and then had to form an orderly queue headed by a scary teacher.

Teachers weren't kind or caring. If we fell over, the battle-axe school secretary would give us a bit of cotton wool and some TCP. Parents didn't go in to school, ever. We were dropped off at the gates, and that was that.

When I compare it to the touchy-feeliness my own DC experienced at junior school (they are now late teens/young adults), it seems horrendous. At the time, though, it was fine. It was just the way it was.

That being the case, I think children will probably just accept it when they go back to school. I would be bursting with frustration as a parent, though, so can understand why you feel this way.

nogoodsolution · 24/08/2020 17:28

Oh, and as for the school trying to police who walks home with whom: I'd ignore that and walk home with whoever you like, quite frankly.

TimeForLunch · 24/08/2020 17:28

Agree with @Topseyt that, in reality, these things will end up not happening. Once school is back into the swing of things everyone will relax a bit.

MorganKitten · 24/08/2020 17:28

It’s to keep the children safe, either you make the idea of going back to school fun or you home school... they can’t please everyone.
Also I’m surprised they were allowed to share food from an allergy standpoint.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 24/08/2020 17:28

I really wouldn't worry. They've written all this to show they're 'keeping people safe' and such but when the kids are actually there most of it will go out the window. Anyone who teaches year 1 (as I used to) knows kids of that age try to obey rules but very rarely do. They wander around they drop things, they fall over, bump into other children. Teachers at first might feel obliged to constantly remind them to stay apart but they'll soon get sick of it and stop. There'll just be no point.

What everyone needs right now is a good dose of normality to get the idea of everyone sitting silently not talking out of their heads. Children just get on with things, no matter what adults want. A year one classroom is generally noisy chaos and that's at the best of times. A teacher might want to separate everyone and maintain distance etc but good luck to them! They'll just end up focusing on what matters - educating the children and getting on with the day.

jessstan2 · 24/08/2020 17:29

" If it starts to make her unhappy then I will look into other options. "

That's what I would do, op.

I hope it turns out not as badly as you anticipate.

DominaShantotto · 24/08/2020 17:32

It sounds dreadful - and I've got the worst of it mitigated for the school I'm a governor at. However in reality people are still going to help a child with a bumped knee and no one is really going to leave a child in distress without comforting them (as my kids' head and new class teachers commented "we're mums too") and I think a lot of it is arsecovering and will have relaxed within a couple of days.

Mine were in school during the keyworker only opening and coped just fine with it - the biggest thing was the small bubbles getting really bloody sick of the sight of each other by the end of the year (unfortunately poor DD1 got stuck with the school bully)!

MH1111 · 24/08/2020 17:32

It’s bonkers OP. As Jenny Harries said ‘children are more likely to be hit by a bus than catch Covid’
No Judgement of risks whatsoever.

VinylDetective · 24/08/2020 17:34

*Do you know what else isn't fun for 5 year olds?

Getting coronavirus, or being hooked up to a ventilator, or their parents/grandparents dying

But sure moan about the fact your child doesn't get to hold hands with her friend smh*

How many children have been on ventilators? How many Covid patients are put on ventilators now? There are barely any hospital admissions at all now and deaths are into single figures. I do wish people would get real and stop catastrophising.

TheOrigBrave · 24/08/2020 17:34

This is pretty much how it was when my yr6 son returned to school from June to the end of term.

As long as the teachers are smiling and making it look normal then the kids will be fine.

It's about minimising risk.

I would rather they do this than have a more flexible approach and then keep having to close and re-open the school.