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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"

278 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:24

So as not to drop feed: my father's family are from North Africa and he had the sort of tightly-curled hair which some North African people have. I have wavy-curly hair and look European. My husband is English and all three of my children have his fair colouring. However, some trick of genetics has meant that my son (5) has inherited the tightly-curled hair gene. He is very blond and usually his hair is cut quite close to his head, but when it grows out a bit, he has these amazing blonde curls standing around his head.

Anyway, I was a bit taken aback when a friend said the other day that we'd better get his hair cut before he starts Y1 because it might offend people! She said it's cultural appropriation for him, a white boy, to be wearing his hair "in an Afro". I said that seemed pretty harsh given that his hair just grows like that and it's part of his genetic make-up. She responded that people seeing him will just see "a white boy with an Afro" and it would be offensive.

Am I being unreasonable to find this ridiculous? My poor DS is going to offend people wherever he goes just because of the way his hair grows? Or am I being completely out of touch and insensitive?!

OP posts:
YummyInMyTummy · 24/08/2020 13:54

Your friend is ridiculous. Irrespective of your son’s heritage, his hair grows how his hair grows and it is not cultural appropriation. Given his heritage, doubly so! People need to learn not to make snap judgments based on someone’s skin colour.

AuntyPasta · 24/08/2020 13:55

www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/learn/what-its-like-wearing-natural-hair-as-an-arab-american-woman

Lots of different ethnicities have tightly curled hair. Let his hair be and tell her to educate herself. You can’t appropriate your own genetics.

CeibaTree · 24/08/2020 13:55

@Jourdain11

Okay, thank you! I was genuinely shocked when she said this ... I almost thought she was joking! She wasn't...
Is she aware of your background? If so surely she is being racist by saying that your mixed race son's hair is unsuitable for school!
FatCatThinCat · 24/08/2020 13:56

As a big curly haired ginger celt I find your friend's comment racially insensitive and, dare I say it, cultural appropriation by proxy. How dare she take an aspect of my culture and assign it solely to another culture/race? Shame on her.

Tell that and watch her squirm.

LST · 24/08/2020 13:57

I am white with blonde hair and occasionally have my hair dreaded. I have read on the internet that when I get mine dreaded it could be classed as cultural appropriation. I have never met a person in rl offended by my hair style. Its ridiculous!

namitynamechange · 24/08/2020 13:57

@tiredanddangerous white people are allowed to have curly hair. This feels like the sort of thing put forward as a strawman arguement (not saying that its the OPs intention or fault). Its like if Dave says to Steve "of course you cant even smile at a woman now with all this me too bussiness you could get accused of sexual harrasment" and Steve getting very worried that hes not allowed to smile at people and other people shaking their heads in sympathy saying "poor Steve afraid to even smile because of all this feminism." When its isnt feminism, its Dave being a twat.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 24/08/2020 14:00

she's bonkers
Am I supposed to be offended and claim its cultural appropriation every time I see a black woman who has had her hair chemically straightened?

YourObedientServant · 24/08/2020 14:01

As a big curly haired ginger celt

Someone stopped my 4 year old DS in M&S today to tell him he looked like an Irish Catholic because of his hair. It was most odd. I don't think I give all that much thought to other people's hair Confused

coconuttyhead · 24/08/2020 14:01

The irony!!! Your friend is a monumental idiot. Your son has NATURALLY tightly curled hair. Are we now living in a world where we have to change the way we naturally look if we don’t conform to our cultural norm in case we offend anyone? How dare she comment on your son’s hair in this way Angry

hellooooooooooo · 24/08/2020 14:01

One DS had very very blond and very very tight curly hair for years and the other had the same but reddish. Should I have shaved it off?? Their parents, grandparents and great grandparents were/ are white. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 14:01

@CeibaTree I would guess that she is, as I use my own surname! I think it is just because he "looks white" and has an English name and surname...

OP posts:
SuckingDownDarjeeling · 24/08/2020 14:02

Here's an example. Girl in the black shirt has curly hair. Girl in the purple shirt has Afro hair. Girl in the green shirt has curly Afro hair. Curly ≠ Afro

Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"
Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"
Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"
namitynamechange · 24/08/2020 14:02

Also some people do say batshit things or hold very odd beliefs / get the wrong end of the stick in odd ways (probably most of us believe something thats utter bollocks). I think this is just one particular odd thought she has, its unlikely to be shared by many other people.

SantaClaritaDiet · 24/08/2020 14:02

what's next? American people accused of offensive cultural appropriation every Halloween? FFS

AuntyPasta · 24/08/2020 14:04

Unfortunately this is click bait to the ‘political correctness gone mad’ brigade.

audweb · 24/08/2020 14:04

It’s not cultural appropriation. Curly hair is curly hair. I am white and have curly hair and use black hair products on my hair because they work best. Your sons genetics are not cultural appropriation. Your friend is incredibly confused.

Fives · 24/08/2020 14:05

YANBU and I think people would love to see your little boys hair. It sounds fab. My friend's son has tight blonde curls and he is gorgeous. Everyone thinks so too no one comments on his hair being culturally appropriated. She's being very odd.

DowntonCrabby · 24/08/2020 14:06

Is she often unkind/ a bit of a dick? Is is she just a bit stupid?

Either way Confused

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 14:06

His hair, texturally, is closest to the girl in green.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 24/08/2020 14:06

*or is

loutypips · 24/08/2020 14:07

Why is she your friend?!?

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 24/08/2020 14:07

@YourObedientServant

As a big curly haired ginger celt

Someone stopped my 4 year old DS in M&S today to tell him he looked like an Irish Catholic because of his hair. It was most odd. I don't think I give all that much thought to other people's hair Confused

I’m struggling to imagine how hair could be so distinctively Irish Catholic to anyone. I’m descended from generations of Irish catholics and I’m not convinced there’s anything remarkable about the hair anyone has (except my half Arab nephews, who have amazing hair).

The names (repeatedly) found in my family tree are distinctively Irish Catholic. But not anyone’s hair really.

minnieok · 24/08/2020 14:08

Ridiculous! If it's his natural hair it cannot be cultural appropriation! Anyway in his case it is his heritage

shinynewapple2020 · 24/08/2020 14:08

I don't see how it can be 'cultural appropriation' when he actually does have a part African heritage.

AriesTheRam · 24/08/2020 14:10

Everyone will know itshix natural hair.Its not like hes had a perm! People are weird