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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"

278 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:24

So as not to drop feed: my father's family are from North Africa and he had the sort of tightly-curled hair which some North African people have. I have wavy-curly hair and look European. My husband is English and all three of my children have his fair colouring. However, some trick of genetics has meant that my son (5) has inherited the tightly-curled hair gene. He is very blond and usually his hair is cut quite close to his head, but when it grows out a bit, he has these amazing blonde curls standing around his head.

Anyway, I was a bit taken aback when a friend said the other day that we'd better get his hair cut before he starts Y1 because it might offend people! She said it's cultural appropriation for him, a white boy, to be wearing his hair "in an Afro". I said that seemed pretty harsh given that his hair just grows like that and it's part of his genetic make-up. She responded that people seeing him will just see "a white boy with an Afro" and it would be offensive.

Am I being unreasonable to find this ridiculous? My poor DS is going to offend people wherever he goes just because of the way his hair grows? Or am I being completely out of touch and insensitive?!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 24/08/2020 15:09

Your friends wokeness is making them a prat you and your children are mixed race his hair is natural keep his hair how you like it and tell "friend" to keep their nose out !

Lifeisabeach09 · 24/08/2020 15:10

Your friend is a bit dense. Not sure how one can appropriate a genetically determined hair-type/style.

NoParticularPattern · 24/08/2020 15:12

Good lord. Your friend is bat shit. It’s fine, you know, being his actual hair and heritage and all...

Baaaahhhhh · 24/08/2020 15:13

I was coming on to say what Camomila said. I am also half Italian, but most of that side of the family have fair complexions, blue or green eyes, and white blonde hair, a couple of them have tight ringlets...... perhaps we have some long lost buried African heritage, back from the Roman times, but honestly, it is not unusual for white "Europeans" to have tight curls.

DimidDavilby · 24/08/2020 15:13

Your friend is a bit dim I think. Its not like he's had it permed that way!

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 15:15

I guess I should have had the courage of conviction to call it out as stupidity! But I had this little moment where I was like, "Oh God, is my son's hair actually offending loads of people and I've just never realised?!?"

OP posts:
StrawberryPi · 24/08/2020 15:15

I have a friend whose kids have the most amazing golden afros! She is white and blonde and her husband is Nigerian. The kids are all absolutely beautiful!

wheresmymojo · 24/08/2020 15:16

This is the level of absurdity now reached.

A white social justice warrior wants a child with North African heritage to cut off their hair in case they are seen as appropriating people with African heritage.

This is the kind of shit that keeps the right wing going...like when some white person suggests snowmen should be banned in case it offends black people Hmm

I'm not right wing by the way - left of centre - but seriously this kind of nonsense could make a frothing Daily Fail commenter out of me yet Grin

itsgettingweird · 24/08/2020 15:17

Do not cut his hair.

But do cut your friend out.

I'm literally trying to work out how the way someone's hair grows that they can't control is cultural appropriation. Confused

RedHelenB · 24/08/2020 15:19

Can I make my hair afro? I just thought it was genetics?

Gurtcha · 24/08/2020 15:20

Pahahaha!! What an idiot. She’s trying to be woke but doesn’t actually understand what cultural appropriation is. How embarrassing Blush

Your sons hair is part of his heritage. How could thy be cultural appropriation FFS?!

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 24/08/2020 15:21

@Camomila that type of hair is not the same or anywhere near related to Afro hair. There would be no reason somebody would look at that hair type and assume there's some long lost African heritage going on.

Jellybellythatsme · 24/08/2020 15:21

For crying out loud. That’s your sons normal, perfect and NATURAL hair. Please Ignore her she’s talking nonsense.

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 24/08/2020 15:22

@Baaaahhhhh right curls are also not specifically related to Afro hair. It's just another hair type that can transcend European and African hair.

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 24/08/2020 15:23

*tight curls. Not right Confused

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 24/08/2020 15:23

You can’t appropriate your own cultural heritage FFS. Your friend is a complete idiot, I’m embarrassed for her!

LioneIRichTea · 24/08/2020 15:24

Ridiculous. That’s his hair and even if it wasn’t... I’m a black woman and I have dyed my hair a blonde colour (think Beyoncé) and I wear mine straight. It isn’t my natural hair but should I to be accused of white cultural appropriation?! Like hell! I’d say ignore it but things like this are dangerous if not challenged as they just create divisions and hostility.

BigFatLiar · 24/08/2020 15:26

I can understand your friends comment. It is stupid to worry about hair being curly or straight however I'm sure that there will be people who will make an issue of it such is our world these days.

mateysmum · 24/08/2020 15:28

Anyone that can find the beautiful curly hair or a 5 YEAR OLD offensive really needs to take a good long look at themselves.

Lots of my 100% white British family have curly hair. Do they all need to go and get the straighteners out?

Sexnotgender · 24/08/2020 15:30

She’s a bloody lunatic. I’d reconsider my friendship with someone like that.

tinkerbellla · 24/08/2020 15:39

I couldn't be friends with someone this stupid!

noimkaren · 24/08/2020 15:44

I have a child with very curly hair. He is white British with traceable roots here going back to the 12th century (obvs our ancestors weren't very adventurous Grin) I've been asked by people what his 'real' cultural ethnicity is 'because his hair's curly' & my African-American friend has a red-head; similar question put to her - only someone asked if she had Irish roots. I'd say that we both feel your pain OP but it'd be more accurate to say we feel your WTF? Your friend is a moron btw

Devlesko · 24/08/2020 15:47

What a twat. He is what he is, it's his genes.
Tell her to piss off.
My hair is very dark and curly, the shorter it goes the more afro it looks. I'm not African, I'm Romany, but my hair does it's own thing. Thanks
Think no more about it, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Cadent · 24/08/2020 15:51

It seems sad to me that his natural hair is something he could be "criticised" for...

This is laying it on a bit thick, she’s one twat, not the world.

MHisNOTaTREND · 24/08/2020 16:00

FFS It is as if now-a-days people are competing for the title of most "woke". What an utter idiot. Maybe send her the link to this thread