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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"

278 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:24

So as not to drop feed: my father's family are from North Africa and he had the sort of tightly-curled hair which some North African people have. I have wavy-curly hair and look European. My husband is English and all three of my children have his fair colouring. However, some trick of genetics has meant that my son (5) has inherited the tightly-curled hair gene. He is very blond and usually his hair is cut quite close to his head, but when it grows out a bit, he has these amazing blonde curls standing around his head.

Anyway, I was a bit taken aback when a friend said the other day that we'd better get his hair cut before he starts Y1 because it might offend people! She said it's cultural appropriation for him, a white boy, to be wearing his hair "in an Afro". I said that seemed pretty harsh given that his hair just grows like that and it's part of his genetic make-up. She responded that people seeing him will just see "a white boy with an Afro" and it would be offensive.

Am I being unreasonable to find this ridiculous? My poor DS is going to offend people wherever he goes just because of the way his hair grows? Or am I being completely out of touch and insensitive?!

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 24/08/2020 13:33

Sigh, I'm so sick of this woke cancel culture. My kids are mixed race and one has tight curls with fairly pale skin and the other loose curls but darker skin. If someone said this to me they'd get short shrift.

potter5 · 24/08/2020 13:33

Totally agree that she is an idiot.
When your son is older he can choose how he has his hair.
She should never have made such a comment - so offensive to you!

Saltyauntiepoop · 24/08/2020 13:34

But if the school requires that the hair is kept short and neat would you say they are being racist or would you hav3 his curls cut?

It's not cultural appropriation if he is born that way, if you used products or purposefully styled it that way then yeah but as this is not the case your friend is being too PC.

pasturesgreen · 24/08/2020 13:34

Your 'friend' is a prize twat.

MsEllany · 24/08/2020 13:34

How did you manage to control yourself in the face of such ridiculousness?!

And how can she take herself seriously. Honestly.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 24/08/2020 13:35

It’s his hair, not some kind of affectation.

My nephews (whose father is North African) have exactly the same kind of hair that you describe. Mostly I look at it and think how hard work it must be for my sister to look after. The huge blond afros are adorable though.

Your friend has shown herself to be an idiot who virtue signals first and thinks later.

YourObedientServant · 24/08/2020 13:35

Surely it's more genetic appropriation... Hmm your friend is being extremely odd and offensive. It's funny how often wannabe wokesters don't understand that they are actually the offensive or divisive ones!

TheGoogleMum · 24/08/2020 13:36

Your friend is ridiculous if that's how his hair grows how can it be cultural appropriation?

FatCatThinCat · 24/08/2020 13:36

I agree with the others, your friend is a dickhead. I'd have laughed in her face. And let my sons curls grow some more, because I'm contrary like that.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 24/08/2020 13:36

No one can be so stupid to believe that someone's natural hair are cultural misappropriation 😱
Drop her. You don't need this stupid around. Being harsh here, but this is so ridiculous! I know people with similar hair which are very afro like and they are white looking or white.

YourObedientServant · 24/08/2020 13:37

Btw his hair sounds beautiful!

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:38

The school does require neat hair and as a matter of fact, he will have his hair cut (purely because all three get Back to School haircuts). But it will grow and nobody objected to it in Reception! It always stays fairly neat, it's just that it gets bigger rather than longer!

OP posts:
sallyshirt · 24/08/2020 13:38

@MySaladDays75

She is a twat, ignore her.
That's all that needs to be said!
TheSunIsStillShining · 24/08/2020 13:38

did you tell this person to fuck off with this BS?

Queenfreak · 24/08/2020 13:38

How on earth can it be 'cultural appropriation ' when it's part of his genetic heritage?!
What a load of shite

Proudboomer · 24/08/2020 13:38

Let me guess she is a white, woke, sjw.

Porcupineinwaiting · 24/08/2020 13:39

@Saltyauntiepoop when the school insists that girls hair is kept short too, then the OP can think about having her son's cut.This will be halfway to never.

As for equating "neat" with "not curly" or "not afro" that is pure prejudice.

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:39

(I should clarify that this friend is a school mum friendly acquaintance rather than a close and personal BFF!)

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 24/08/2020 13:39

It is not cultural appropriation to have hair, so of course your 'friend' is a twat.

For pp so keen to get a bit of 'woke' slating in there- describing this as woke is akin to men who read a story about a women harming a man and say that's what feminism is. Why are you letting people twist and demean what 'woke' as a concept actually is? Why do you want to be used like that?

contrmary · 24/08/2020 13:41

It's fine for now but you need to keep in mind when he is in his teens it will be seen as an offensive gesture by some if he continues to wear his hair like that. People will only see a white boy with "black" hair and assume the worst.

I don't agree with that view but it's how many will see it.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 24/08/2020 13:41

[quote Porcupineinwaiting]**@Saltyauntiepoop* when the school insists that girls hair is kept short too, then the OP* can think about having her son's cut.This will be halfway to never.

As for equating "neat" with "not curly" or "not afro" that is pure prejudice.[/quote]
Absolutely this.

It doesn’t matter if the kid is blonde; their hair just is their hair. Curly hair is not inherently untidy.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 24/08/2020 13:42

@contrmary

It's fine for now but you need to keep in mind when he is in his teens it will be seen as an offensive gesture by some if he continues to wear his hair like that. People will only see a white boy with "black" hair and assume the worst.

I don't agree with that view but it's how many will see it.

Those people are complete idiots and shouldn’t be pandered to.
CoronaConundrum · 24/08/2020 13:42

Even if he was totally white if his hair was just naturally so curly then it’s not cultural appropriation it’s just nature how his hair would be
Different story I suppose if it was deliberately permed and styled a certain way but it’s not so don’t worry
Your ‘friend’ sounds like she is really overthinking things

teleportmeplease · 24/08/2020 13:42

Wow what an idiot!

DancingCatGif · 24/08/2020 13:43

what an actual tit your friend sounds.

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