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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son's hair is "cultural appropriation"

278 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/08/2020 13:24

So as not to drop feed: my father's family are from North Africa and he had the sort of tightly-curled hair which some North African people have. I have wavy-curly hair and look European. My husband is English and all three of my children have his fair colouring. However, some trick of genetics has meant that my son (5) has inherited the tightly-curled hair gene. He is very blond and usually his hair is cut quite close to his head, but when it grows out a bit, he has these amazing blonde curls standing around his head.

Anyway, I was a bit taken aback when a friend said the other day that we'd better get his hair cut before he starts Y1 because it might offend people! She said it's cultural appropriation for him, a white boy, to be wearing his hair "in an Afro". I said that seemed pretty harsh given that his hair just grows like that and it's part of his genetic make-up. She responded that people seeing him will just see "a white boy with an Afro" and it would be offensive.

Am I being unreasonable to find this ridiculous? My poor DS is going to offend people wherever he goes just because of the way his hair grows? Or am I being completely out of touch and insensitive?!

OP posts:
PiataMaiNei · 25/08/2020 14:18

One's genetics can't be cultural appropriation.

DopamineHits · 25/08/2020 14:19

OK, you need to inform her you and your son have African heritage and that she is being racist. Because she is being racist. She'll implode, and you won't have to worry about her anymore.

LastTrainEast · 25/08/2020 14:19

cultural appropriation is bullshit even if you had chosen his hair on purpose so tell anyone who mentions it where to shove it.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 25/08/2020 14:23

Firstly , no your friend is batshit

Secondly after her second text I'm afraid I would be far more direct. After the first comment I probably would have rolled my eyes at her ridiculousness however her text and comments have crossed a bit of a line.

I would be very clear with her that she has massively overstepped and needs to stop this silliness as she has caused huge offence.

Comefromaway · 25/08/2020 14:26

You can’t appropriate your own culture.

makingmammaries · 25/08/2020 14:29

There’s a mixed-race boy in my village: blond, blue eyes and full Afro. He looks gorgeous. Ignore jealous people, OP.

latticechaos · 25/08/2020 14:31

Sometimes there's just no answer to other people's thought processes, what can you say other than tell her it is his hair and as a mixed race family you're happy to make your own judgement on this issue.

Plumstrum · 25/08/2020 14:44

I literally cannot believe this! My mother has been perming her hair for 40 years - is that cultural appropriation? Is a black woman who straightens her hair appropriating white culture? Of course not - this is insane! When you then apply these ridiculous ideas to a 5 year old with naturally curly hair it is beyond crazy!!

diggadoo · 25/08/2020 14:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

SummerSummerSummertime · 25/08/2020 14:52

Your friend is a fucking twat.

fallfallfall · 25/08/2020 15:43

Some people are born stupid.
Read up and embrace the curls with more conditioner and oils vs the dried out fluffy look of the fro.

nanbread · 25/08/2020 15:50

Your friend is either a giant twat or trolling you. Does she have an afro?

How can it be cultural appropriation to have hair??

I'm sorry she's made you doubt yourself. Tell her to mind her own business. I'm actually angry on your behalf.

LadyEloise · 25/08/2020 16:17

GrinShe's nuts.
How utterly rude and stupid.
With a friend like her you won't need enemies.

FooFighter99 · 25/08/2020 16:19

Surely it's only "cultural appropriation" if you permed his hair to emulate African hair?

But seeing as he's 5!!! that's a bit fucking ridiculous and your "friend" needs to get a grip

Your DS is 1/4 African - what does she want you to do? Make him a sign to hang round his neck explaining that he's allowed to have curly hair because his granddad is black?!?!?

Just ignore her OP, she's obviously gone mad in Lockdown

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 25/08/2020 16:29

She’s an idiot.
On the same vein my friend is a 6 ft strapping rugby playing Scot- he has several Chinese tattoos & has been told off/tutted at for them. His father is Chinese & immigrated to Scotland as an adult....

helpmum2003 · 25/08/2020 16:40

OP of course YANBU.

On a related note why would a black person with afro hair be offended if a white person had their hair permed to copy an afro?

sadeyedladyofthelowlands63 · 25/08/2020 16:47

She replied that I'm being really culturally insensitive and "do I even know how many black and mixed-race children are going to be in his class?" They and their parents could feel that our family is appropriating and devaluing their culture.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Your friend is insane.

SquashedSpring · 25/08/2020 17:09

It reads like your friend is trying to force you to do what she wants under the guise of 'people could be offended if you don't,' which seems like passive agressive bullying to me.

Your sons hair is his and it is not up for negotiation by this woman or anyone else.

Gingerfish91 · 25/08/2020 17:16

😂😂. Never heard anything so ridiculous!

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 25/08/2020 17:17

Cultural appropriation as a concept is a pile of shit in the first place, even more so in this case. Tell her to keep her woke opinions to herself.

DillonPanthersTexas · 25/08/2020 17:24

Cultural appropriation as a concept is a pile of shit in the first place

Blame the humanities departments

Foliageeverywhere122 · 25/08/2020 17:28

I genuinely don't understand!! Have you directly said to her "I''m half North African" and she's just ignored it??

And if not, why?!!!

VettiyaIruken · 25/08/2020 17:30

Not replying was a mistake imo.
It would be better to say what on earth are you talking about? My father is from X and I am dual heritage. My son gets his hair from my paternal family. Are you actually saying he has to hide his own heritage because you think he's too white to be allowed to have his natural hair? That is highly offensive and racially insensitive.

Really put the stupid woman in her place. Who the fuck does she think she is?

FunTimes2020 · 25/08/2020 17:34

Your friend sounds stuoid, blindly jumping onto some sort of woke bandwagon Hmm Please put her straight, it's her that has been offensive...

YgritteSnow · 25/08/2020 17:34

@Lifeisgenerallyfun

Cultural appropriation as a concept is a pile of shit in the first place, even more so in this case. Tell her to keep her woke opinions to herself.
Amen!