AIBU to loathe MIL even more?

[AaarghMIL]

MIL and I are no-contact but she lives very close by and DH and DC see her every week and all is well with their relationship (she's just not keen on me and after 20 years I had enough of her rudeness and stopped contacting her - DH is fine about it but won't take sides of course, and I don't bad mouth her to the DC as that's not fair)

Anyway, she apparently set up a WhatsApp group for her and her other family members and added DH and DC (16 and 18) to it, and sent the usual trivial shite. To my knowledge no one had an actual conversation on there. My kids don't use WhatsApp at all really so weren't very engaged.

This evening I've seen an email from her to my 16 yr old (his email account is set up on my phone too, which we all agreed to) - he was obviously tidying his phone and deleted the family WA chat so she emailed to ask why and was very nasty to him, I think. When he replied saying he didn't even realise there was a group chat and he doesn't use WA, she sent another email!

They usually get on well. I can't interfere but have asked DH to gently find out if all is ok; I can do without an unhappy child right now

This is what she used to do to me all the time. Blow hot and cold and never in front of anyone else who was listening. Always accusing me of wrecking her family etc etc.

Emails are attached. Thanks for letting me rant anonymously

@TatianaBis

What kind of emails do you get from family that is isn’t that bad?!

Nothing to do with my family, who are relatively normal. It’s just that it could have been more abusive. It’s not ranting abuse and insults - just an offended old woman playing the martyr.

This is how it starts though

People ignoring the early bad behaviour!

This is abusive and I would nip it in the bud, as it has the potential to become manipulative and turn into coercive control- which is abuse and illegal.

Not on. She would wish she had ever been born if this was my DC.

I find this strangely comforting, but only because I'm dealing with something very similar with a relative who has decided to become massively offended over something totally innocuous I said and is now having a lovely time dramatising how dreadfully hurt she is and what an awful thing it is that I've done. It's somehow nice to know that my relative isn't the only batshit narcissist around. I do wonder, however, how these people have the face to go around demanding sympathy when you compare these utterly trivial issues to the real problems people are suffering at the moment due to Covid, lost jobs, inability to get treatment for other serious illnesses, etc etc.

One of my relative's favourite demands at the moment is that the rest of the family cut me off because she can never have anything to do with me ever again. Little does she know how happy that makes me, and unfortunately for her, she is doomed to disappointment as the rest of the family are under no illusions whatsoever about her.

I'd have to step in her go fucking mad say something to her.

and *

I get that you've reached an accommodation about the way she's treated you in the past, by just staying out of everything to do with her, but as well as being mean to him I also think these messages to your son are wildly disrespectful of you, his mother. The whatsapp group was intended as 'a family circle'? Well, why was a key member of the family (as far as he is concerned) excluded then? 'For goodness sake start to value all your father has done for you' - ?? He has two parents ffs! I think it's quite important that any conversation with your son specifically draws his attention to this, so that he understands MIL uses ostracising as a weapon and can hopefully then put 'I hope you enjoy your new life' into the unpleasant context it merits. imo it would be better if this came from your DH sticking up for you, rather than special pleading from you.

My MIL lives in a different time zone to my kids. (YAY!) Apart from being an utterly vile human being, she believes in instant gratification. When she feels the need to call my kids (usually DD2, whom she favours - and DD2 loathes) she rings incessantly - not thinking that they are undoubtedly at school. Then, of course - because my kids have crappy old phones, their batteries are dead when they finish school, because of the constant ringing and rambling voice messages left. I told my DD2 to send a gently worded text (which I helped compose) suggesting that as phones weren't allowed in schools, and if a call wasn't answered on a school day, she would call or text back at a time that was more suitable. End of the world. Tantrums. Phone calls to DH telling him that I was attempting to split her from HER grandchildren. (She's done a grand job herself.). Made up terrible stories about what was said in the text itself - text was brought out to prove her wrong. He still wears Pollyanna glasses and won't see that she's an evil bitch. Thank god she lives 800km away.

What a psycho bitch!

I hope your husband has serious words with her (if you don’t).

Cheeky mad bitch! I'd be furious and your husband should be too!

She sounds like a spikey type of woman, who thinks she can say awful things to anyone when things don't go her way, and now includes your son with her forked tongue. Not a nice person to be dealing with at all.

What a nasty bully 😠

Why do you need to stir it? He's 16 - surely he'll show it to his friends, they'll laugh at his bonkers granny and her 'uplifting items' and that'll be an end to it.

@Lilyargin

Awful. Not actually worth responding to. Personality disorder or just horrible?

Be a total doormat and enable her to continue, you mean?!

What a crazy grandmother. The emotional blackmail is awful.

It amazes me that pp are saying he's 16 and can deal with it... when people much older than him struggle with toxic relatives.

@Thisseatisnotavailable

On another note, how come he doesn’t use wattsapp? Everyone I know does or does he just stick with texts?

My 16 yr old doesn't use it either

I don't use it.

My dd is 21 and doesn't have WhatsApp on any of her devices; I don't get the impression that many of her circle (extensive) bother with it, though they're all using iPhones so you'd expect WA to be the app of choice. I don't think they use Instagram much either.

The only time I use WA is when we have relatives visiting from abroad because we that's how they choose to communicate, but none of my relatives use WA it's just communication with family within the UK. It seems them furrin rellies are the ones who like WA

@SandyY2K

What a crazy grandmother. The emotional blackmail is awful.

It amazes me that pp are saying he's 16 and can deal with it... when people much older than him struggle with toxic relatives.

I quite agree.

That was an extremely OTT and unpleasant email to send to a sixteen year old who only said he didn't use WhatsApp. I think it is actually quite nice to find people who don't use it! It seems to cause so many problems from what I read on here.

What. A. Loon. I don’t blame him for being pissed off. Not everyone wants to be on WhatsApp.

@SeaToSki

If you are all brave enough DS could just reply

OK Boomer

🤣

😂😂😊

That is awful. I would make sure he knows he doesn't have to put up with it, and tell him he can block her email if he wants to.

What the hell does she mean, by enjoy your new life??? As in a life without her or something.

And also saying start to value what your dad has done for you, has someone said something to her as in your husband does a lot for the kids but they don't appreciate or respect it.
Wow.
I'm not surprised youre NC

She’s really troweling on the old passive aggressive there isn’t she?

My 14 year old barely uses WhatsApp either it’s for very young or older people they use trendier apps to communicate

And also saying start to value what your dad has done for you, has someone said something to her as in your husband does a lot for the kids but they don't appreciate or respect it.

She means her grandchild's dad, i.e. her son. Because of course he mustn't value what his mother has done for him.

Wow! Didn't expect this level of reply, and that almost everyone thinks she's a horrible person as well. That is a comfort, as I have doubted myself over the years about whether I was actually provoking her behaviour.

I've emailed DH (no reply) and will talk to DS and that will be that. As many have said, he will hopefully put it down to mad old granny but I do need him to know she has previous for this and that he's allowed to to accept it - he might decide to not see her for a couple of weeks.

I certainly will not suggest he replies to her emails with things like "ok boomer" because that's lowering himself to her level

For those who also suffer toxic family members - stay strong and know you have the moral high ground and that ignoring the messages and nastiness is what they hate. And you are not alone, it would seem

"he will do anything for a quiet life and not rock the boat"

And there is your problem. This is probably not helpful to you now, but may be to people earlier on their relationship having the same issues.

The quiet life should be not upsetting his wife. Go nuclear when the conniving old bitch reverts to type and make it so having your back is the quiet life and not defending some pathetic cunt who has nothing better to do with her sad life.