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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to loathe MIL even more?

151 replies

AaarghMIL · 23/08/2020 20:38

MIL and I are no-contact but she lives very close by and DH and DC see her every week and all is well with their relationship (she's just not keen on me and after 20 years I had enough of her rudeness and stopped contacting her - DH is fine about it but won't take sides of course, and I don't bad mouth her to the DC as that's not fair)

Anyway, she apparently set up a WhatsApp group for her and her other family members and added DH and DC (16 and 18) to it, and sent the usual trivial shite. To my knowledge no one had an actual conversation on there. My kids don't use WhatsApp at all really so weren't very engaged.

This evening I've seen an email from her to my 16 yr old (his email account is set up on my phone too, which we all agreed to) - he was obviously tidying his phone and deleted the family WA chat so she emailed to ask why and was very nasty to him, I think. When he replied saying he didn't even realise there was a group chat and he doesn't use WA, she sent another email!

They usually get on well. I can't interfere but have asked DH to gently find out if all is ok; I can do without an unhappy child right now Confused

This is what she used to do to me all the time. Blow hot and cold and never in front of anyone else who was listening. Always accusing me of wrecking her family etc etc.

Emails are attached. Thanks for letting me rant anonymously

AIBU to loathe MIL even more?
AIBU to loathe MIL even more?
OP posts:
WiltedWillows · 23/08/2020 23:13

He is 16 years old and old enough to sort his own shit out, you clearly said he deleted the WhatsApp when tidying his phone, so he did know about it and he lied. None of your business OP so stay out of it.

GilbertMarkham · 23/08/2020 23:15

He should, if anything, just reply with 'ok. As you choose!'

Or in response to "Granny has left!"..

"Could Granny leave the country too?"
"Please".

Isn't that first message an example of what's termed narcissistic rage?.

TorgosPizza · 23/08/2020 23:20
Confused "Granny" is bonkers.

I wouldn't hesitate to let your children in on the secret, though I suspect they've already picked up on it, at their age.

Original poster
AaarghMIL · 23/08/2020 23:22

@WiltedWillows

He is 16 years old and old enough to sort his own shit out, you clearly said he deleted the WhatsApp when tidying his phone, so he did know about it and he lied. None of your business OP so stay out of it.
Thanks that's helpful 🙄 Not all 16yr olds are the same and not all are mentally equipped to cope with adult behaviour. I'm his parent and it's very much my business when another adult emotionally abuses my child. He didn't lie, he said he didn't realise it was a specific family group chat (she just added their phone numbers to it) He regularly goes through his phone and deletes text message threads, emails, browser history etc etc. He says it's so no one can use it against him if they steal his phone.

And so what if he doesn't use WhatsApp? It's hardly a legal requirement!! He communicates with his mates just fine in the way that they like to use. (He doesn't use FB either)

OP posts:
IceCreamSummer20 · 23/08/2020 23:23

I think it is bullying from your MIL and 16 years old is still quite young. I’d definitely tell DS that he has done nothing wrong and that he doesn’t have to be emotionally blackmailed to participate in groups. And I’d have a word with MIL and tell her never to send him an email like that again.

Tell DS you will sort it out and he needn’t reply.

kittenpeak · 23/08/2020 23:25

Unbelievable OP... I wouldn't be happy and would ensure your husband has a word... BUT is it possible to check the whatsapp thread (if your husband is still on it) just to make sure your son has been behaving properly on it and not said anything to warrant a message like this? (This message from Granny isn't excuseable, but I'm wondering if there was anything which provoked it)

TheCanyon · 23/08/2020 23:26

[quote AaarghMIL]@SpillTheTeaa Lol! She once emailed me about how I'd done something dreadful (I hadn't), no one was talking to her so she had cancelled Christmas and she would just hide away on her own, and that she'd die, but "not soon enough for some people" GrinGrin

(3 days later she was at ours, tucking into the turkey!)[/quote]
Your dmil is my gran. Stompy footed twunt unless everything was her way. Haven't seen her in bout 7 years, it's been awesome.

Minimumstandard · 23/08/2020 23:28

Totally inappropriate way for a grandparent to communicate with a grandchild. Wow, your MIL has a big ego, doesn't she?

Anniemabel · 23/08/2020 23:30

You mention your son is quite introverted and this kind of thing might upset him. Because the email is so so batshit crazy it is probably a great opportunity to teach him the life lesson (that many of us learnt too late) that often when people say horrible things it makes you feel bad and question yourself. But actually usually the problem is with them not with you and so you can just quietly ignore it safe in the knowledge that you haven’t actually done anything wrong. This is a particularly good example because her email is such an overreaction that there is no room for doubt that it’s her problem not your sons.

russelhobbs · 23/08/2020 23:31

Stupid boomer WhatsApp crap. I'm 45 and leave groups like this so I'm with your son 100%. Granny can do one.

MrsKeats · 23/08/2020 23:33

I would not have put up with all the previous shenanigans. Why does being related mean that people get to treat each other so poorly?
Your dh needs to step up here and speak to his mother. I would have nothing more to do with her. Your poor ds.

nc600 · 23/08/2020 23:39

"But she is all DH has and he will do anything for a quiet life and not rock the boat."

He's got children that are getting these emails from his mother, a wife who has had the same. She's 80. When she's gone will he then have nothing? Hmm

Don't sit back while your kids are forced to go along with their dad and play happy families. And pop your head above the parapet just one last time to tell her that you've personally removed WhatsApp from your children's phones because their grandmother is rude beyond comprehension

Serin · 23/08/2020 23:40

Well she has just shot herself in the foot hasn't she!
Bloody Hell, poor kid.
Manipulative Granny from Hell.

nc600 · 23/08/2020 23:43

"All your father has done for you" 😂😂

He donated both kidneys then? Christ, she's a walking cliche

WhenPushComesToShove · 23/08/2020 23:44

What an absolutely non thinking self absorbed cow. How dare she!

TatianaBis · 23/08/2020 23:49

She’s superweird but actually it’s not that bad.

My 16 year old probably wouldn’t even read it. If he did he’d file it under ‘weird old bird’ and forget about it.

LovePoppy · 23/08/2020 23:50

@TatianaBis

She’s superweird but actually it’s not that bad.

My 16 year old probably wouldn’t even read it. If he did he’d file it under ‘weird old bird’ and forget about it.

What kind of emails do you get from family that is isn’t that bad?!
SeaToSki · 23/08/2020 23:51

If you are all brave enough DS could just reply

OK Boomer

🤣

Cam2020 · 23/08/2020 23:52

WTF? The woman is nuts

And yes, OP's son is, 16 but this isn't a fall out with a friend, this is a nasty, adult relative. I would involve your DH once they're back.

TatianaBis · 23/08/2020 23:56

@AcrossthePond55

I'd tell my son "Granny's a bit of a mad old bat, isn't she?". I'd try not to make a HUGE thing about it, just tell him he has nothing to feel bad/guilty about and that he's free to have the level of communication with her that he is comfortable with, including none.

Does he know that she's sent you similar emails and that you've gone NC with her? It may be time to explain it to him in a calm-and non emotional way so he knows 'it's not him, it's her'.

As far as her, I wouldn't contact her. It would just add fuel to the fire of her-selfrightiousness.

Exactly.

I wouldn’t make a huge drama out of it as you’re revving up to do OP.

Old people do go a bit potty even ones who were nice to start with. If son cares, which he quite possibly won’t, I’d just say granny’s a bit barmy don’t worry about it.

TatianaBis · 23/08/2020 23:59

What kind of emails do you get from family that is isn’t that bad?!

Nothing to do with my family, who are relatively normal. It’s just that it could have been more abusive. It’s not ranting abuse and insults - just an offended old woman playing the martyr.

Notenoughchocolateomg · 24/08/2020 00:01

she's a bloody nutjob.

Vivi0 · 24/08/2020 00:08

@kittenpeak

Unbelievable OP... I wouldn't be happy and would ensure your husband has a word... BUT is it possible to check the whatsapp thread (if your husband is still on it) just to make sure your son has been behaving properly on it and not said anything to warrant a message like this? (This message from Granny isn't excuseable, but I'm wondering if there was anything which provoked it)
The OP’s son deleting the group chat (which appears as “OP’s son left”) provoked the message.
TwizzledTurkey · 24/08/2020 00:09

Wow I would go spare if she had messaged my child that. Your husband needs to step up and defend his children!

northprincess · 24/08/2020 00:12

I would be livid. And a 16 year old can't deal with this on his own.

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