To not want to sleep in the spare room.

[Misskittyfantastico85]

When I was growing up, both sets of GP had separate bedrooms and it felt like it was completely ok. I never felt it was strange, my nans on both sides had their bedrooms and grandads had their own separate bedrooms. When I met DH, his DM & DSD also had separate bedrooms, and his Ddad and DSM also had separate rooms.

Over the last year my own DP have decided to have their own separate bedrooms. Again, this is my normal and it is something that I have lived with all my life. No marital issues in any of the relationships (obviously that I know of)

When my DM was going through the process of turning my old bedroom into her new room I mentioned to a colleague that I couldn't imagine there being a time when I would want to sleep separate from DH. She looked really shocked and said she'd never heard of anything so ridiculous as a happily married couple sleeping separately and that there must be marriage breakdowns. She said that would be the only reason to sleep separately and have separate bedrooms.

She then went on to take it a bit further and proceeded to tell all other colleagues about the 'weird' setup in misskittys family. I was sat right there.

So my aibu is: is it 'weird' to sleep separately? It's not something I'd really thought too much about until it was mocked and I was made to feel it was strange.

When I was a kid my mum slept in a bedroom with me and my dad in a bedroom with my sister.

When now they share a room but separate beds... I never mentioned this to many people as it is weird.

I think it's more odd that, if you've got the room, people wouldn't each have their own bedroom. It's the secret of many a long and happy marriage. You can still sleep together when you both want to, but you're not bound by different sleeping patterns, or disturbed by snoring or duvet-hogging.

Oh, and your colleague sounds like an ignorant arse, OP.

It's amusing that you're not supposed to care what happens behind someone else's bedroom doors, but if the couple wants to sleep separately, it's according to some ok to judge left and right. (People can be very opinionated over whether or not there's a TV in the bedroom and whether or not phones are allowed in the room at night. I've also heard people claim that having a king size bed is bad for a marriage! Evidently, comfort leads to marital discontent!)

If there's room in the house, I don't think it's strange for couples to sleep separately. Some people snore, toss and turn, kick, get up repeatedly, wake at odd hours and want to read or watch tv in bed, can't sleep without complete silence, can't sleep without a light/music/TV, can't sleep except in perfect darkness, etc.

It's no-one else's business. Some couples who never sleep in the same room are undoubtedly happier together than some other couples who are touching all night because they're crammed into a miserably tiny bed.

Your colleague was being a brat.

Me (26) and OH (27) sleep in separate rooms. It's a godsend. I'm not a good sleeper and Todd and turn all through the night and get up to go to the loo 3/4 times waking my OH. We used to have our worst arguments in the middle of the night when we'd woke each other up.

Sleeping separately has actually strengthened our relationship! I get all the good bits like sex, cuddling, spending time with him - without the arguments over blankets and space! Might be weird to some, and some might think we have 'relationship issues' but just because something isn't the norm doesn't mean it's not right! Xx

We currently sleep separately. My dh has a very physically demanding job and snores like a wounded warthog so doesn't appreciate being nudged awake and I don't appreciate staring at the ceiling wanting to put a pillow over his head!
Our marriage is rock solid. We are affectionate with each other and have a healthy sex life, probably because we sleep in different rooms.

I've been with my DH for 22 years, lived together for 21 and had separate bedrooms for I reckon around 19 of those?

You'd be surprised how many people do but don't talk about it because of reactions like your colleagues. I personally don't give a fig how people react.

Most of my friends are jealous and say they wish they had the space to do the same

Not weird at all. My OH and I sleep separately sometimes due to work schedules...im an early riser, he works late night. Also he prefers a cold room, i need to be hot.

@LucyRivers167 it is of course your choice but the fact your DP refuses to do anything about his snoring is very telling
My ex fiancé was exactly the same but there was no spare room to move to. I'd get so fed up of it I'd go and sleep
On thé sofa. Then he'd wake up, look for me and come and wake me up to go back to bed!!!
I couldn't take the sleep deprivation any more and he refused to get any help. So I had to end things.

My PIL don't share and they are happy together. My parents share and hate each other (and one of the chief complaints of my mother is that she hates sleeping next to him).

We sleep apart quite often. He snores and fidgets and I'm a light sleeper who gets depressed from too little sleep. It just doesn't work for us to sleep in the same bed.

My late parents slept in different bedrooms because my Father snored loudly,and he had to keep getting up to use the toilet several times a night, which meant he had to go down stairs to the toilet, and open and close doors, which he wasn't quiet about. My Mum was a light sleeper, and would wake up with any kind of noise or disturbance going on.

My great aunt and uncle has separate bedrooms. So not super weird to me. Also I know some people do it because their partner snores or something that makes a decent sleep impossible

Definitely separate bedrooms, no way can I sleep in the same bed as my DH. He snores, thrashes around and only needs 4 hours sleep.

As soon as my sister and I moved out (around the same time) my parents moved to separate bedrooms. It works much better for them as they say they both get a better sleep.

My sister and her partner (together nearly 10 years) have separate rooms as my sister is a terrible sleeper and my BIL gets up at 3:30/4am for work.

To answer your question, no, it doesn’t seem weird to me.

Same as @ThirstyGhost - DH snores so loudly it’s unreal, and I have insomnia.

@Mothership4two

In my world separate rooms is very rare but not unheard of. Having said that, my best friends DF and DSM lived in separate houses (next door to each other) and apparently were very happy. Sound like bliss to me

That sounds perfect !

I've never heard of it! To be honest if I heard people were sleeping separately I'd find it sad and think they had problems but that's just me, each to their own (btw married to a snorer and when he's not in the bed I just don't sleep as well!!)

My DH and I have been sleeping in seperate rooms for 10 years. I don't think I would get any sleep at all if we didn't. My DH snores and we also have to split the childcare during the night. I feed our 10 month old whilst my DH deals with our night waking older disabled child. We would like to be in the same room but getting some sleep is the priority.

I'd love to sleep in separate bedrooms. I love my dh to pieces but I just don't like sleeping with him in the bed. Thankfully my dh does shift work and very often isn't in the bed or gets out at 2am. I love it when he leaves so I can spread out and sleep in peace.

We sleep separately. Very happy together and love each other very much but also love sleeping well.

Its not like you dream the same dream if you sleep next to someone and I'm not a cuddly sleeper, can't have anyone touch me.

Oh I’d love my own room!

No sweaty legs coming over me at night, no breathing in my face (I really hate that), no DH that wants to snuggle in 34c heat, no one deciding they really need to pull a quilt over me.

I’d surround my room in bookshelves so I wouldn’t have DH moaning about the piles of books everywhere. I’d have piles of clean linen so I could change it daily without him sweating all over it. (Heart meds, not really his fault) lol

I love him to bits but oh god I love good cool sleep too.

DH and I have our own bedrooms - and our own bathrooms too. It's great for quality of sleep as we don't disturb each other.

My parents also had their own rooms. Some people are scandalised by this but my view is that if you have enough bedrooms, why wouldn't you?

Its weird u til you reach the menopause. Then it's a marriage saver!

We sleep separately now. Mainly because of insomnia.

I was only thinking the other day that why should my kids have their own room, but I have to share and I pay the bloody bills !!!