After being ‘told off’ in front of a group to leave group after

[31133004Taff]

Group activity. I OK’d it with assistant group lead to basically go to the loo. I inadvertently caused a 5 minute delay in the group activity. It’s a social group. When I returned, I was told off by the group lead in front of the whole group.

When told off, I agreed not to do this again. I felt awful.

I’d really like the activity and if I left there is no alternative locally.

How do I get past the humiliation of being told off. WWYD?

Perhaps this group lead is too hard core for me? Perhaps the lead was acting in response to complaints from the group?

The group should advertise 'meet at 9.50 to start at 10 promptly' to allow time for weeing. Then it is clear and fair to all.

But the OP had been given "permission" by Goering (or whoever the Number Two was).

Not that sort of Number Two.

WavesCrashing, you paint a very vivid picture .

@BitOfFun

Il never forget that moment sorry for my little tangent im a bugger for it 🙈

Walking? Ah no, I was hoping for climbing, you were bilaying someone down a sheer cliff face and you buggered off for a piss leaving them dangling.

Op, stay in the group.
I bet everyone was appalled at how you were treated. They'll all flock to you to show support while the leader (" leader?") will end up edged out.

@RamblingFar

The group I own are you my group leader? 🙄

Why don't you start your own group. Tell everyone they can pee freely.

why don’t you start your own group?

As a pp suggested - and poach like bladdered walkers.

[quote 31133004Taff]@RamblingFar

The group I own are you my group leader? 🙄[/quote]
No, not your walk leader. Not led one since lockdown started.

I do however pay out hundreds of pounds each year out of my own pocket to cover group costs so the rest of my group can walk for free.

There's very few rules you'll be pleased to hear. However do make sure you're ready to start on time, which I assume is why you got 'told off'. It really is not fair on everyone else in the group otherwise - and as I said previously, you wouldn't try it with other activities that have to run on time.

What, pray, are these costs of hundreds of pounds?

I don't know what's the wrong with the world today but seriously the person that told you off is a turd. We can't even go to pee without being told off? Are there more important things than answering the call of nature? What did she want you to do? Wait and be patient till you wet yourself? Honestly people have no shame. It's ridiculous.

Sometimes it matters and it makes you late if you are hiking to get to a lunch stop, sunset view point, back to the car park before closing time

For a group activity when all sorts of things might hold up some or all of the walkers, it seems to me to be bad planning not to allow quite a lot of time for unexpected eventualities.

Most other times it's just rude to not be ready on time and keep everyone waiting.

But people may have all sorts of valid reasons - they planned to get there early to go to the loo before the start but there was an accident holding up traffic en route or a problem with their car, they didn't think they would need to go but unexpectedly started their period, they have a health condition which means they need frequent breaks, they've hurt themselves and have to go to clean up, etc etc. Good planning really has to allow for human nature, and in particular it must allow for disabilities.

OP, whether you stick with this group or not, I'd suggest you write to the overall group leader explaining what happened and that you felt it was inappropriate, and suggesting that all the leaders have training in disability awareness and basic people skills.

@BitOfFun

What, pray, are these costs of hundreds of pounds?

The walk leading software for all the group leaders, the premium Zoom account fees for the online socials, the website hosting fees... It all adds up.

No-one is expecting anyone to wet themselves or not allowing for other difficulties, that would be ridiculous. As I said, I can't imagine a group telling off a member for needing the toilet mid-walk. However if you turn up at your first meeting with any sort of group that has a start time, then keep everyone waiting for 10 minutes, you are going to seriously annoy people. As I said, you would expect a gym class to all stop and wait for you (in my old gym you wouldn't be allowed in 10 minutes late!), you wouldn't expect a theatre show to wait for you... You need to be ready to start on time. If not, you can expect to be asked to to be prepared and come early next time (yes, that may well seem like a 'telling-off'). If you want to do a group activity, be ready at the start time, or be prepared to miss out. It is rude to keep a large group of people waiting because you have not organised yourself - most women I know like to go to the toilet before a walk, but we sort ourselves out on time.

I think we need to move away from this idea of policing people's bladders. I don't even think children should ask to go to the bathroom unless it is an off-campus activity and they require a chaperone so they don't get lost.

It's not okay for adults and it's not okay for children either.

Don't ever work in the sorting office for Royal Mail then- you had to put your hand up! It was like a Victorian mill.

@RamblingFar- fair enough then. Do members not pay subs?

[quote BitOfFun]@RamblingFar- fair enough then. Do members not pay subs?[/quote]
Not in the group I run. I'd rather have a wide variety of people who can come along with as few barriers to joining in as possible. Whether people want to come once, or come to everything. Luckily I have 20+ volunteers that are happy to help me out by freely leading events.

Lots of groups do charge though - and I pay to belong to some that do. The Ramblers is roughly £3 a month.

Hold on - FLUSH GORDON! Hits both the overarching themes of the thread - typos and weeing

Never before has a thread contained more pp's.

TBF a walk with 40 people sounds like my idea of hell. However, MIL, a retired deputy head, belongs to a walking group and they all sound rather similar to her.

If I were op I think I'd just get a dog to take me for walks.

Good morning MNetters.

An update. I did message the lead to say I was dumbfounded at her reaction yesterday about my taking a comfort break. I did point out the fact I had OK’d it with the assistant lead.

Bottom line - it was proving to be a difficult session for the lead for reasons I could not have been aware of. It sounded like a couple of people in the group were flexing their influence and giving her a hard time. I think I just proved a perfect opportunity for her to re-establish her leadership (power). Seems like I was a fall guy/ scapegoat in a little coup d’tat - playground politics.

"Bottom line" - hee hee.

Sorry.

Did she apologise?