My one year caught a cold or something in nursery

[Alison421e]

Doing a settling in for my one year old last week and supposed to do next week too. I’m back to work very soon. Monday and Tuesday of last week were fab but on Wednesday another child came in for settling too and was visibly ill. This child was sneezing and coughing with thick green mucus coming out of nose which mum was constantly cleaning. This child took an interest in my little one and sneezed over him a couple of times, came very close to me and tried sitting on my lap which I obviously let happen as what else do you do! Mother was just sitting there not intervening. I could see snot dripping down it’s face. I asked mum if child okay and she replied “yes just teething”. This child also kept taking my little ones bottle and drank from it.

I’ve got 3 kids and it was obviously not teething it was a full blown cold! Woken up yesterday and both me and little one are ill. I’m fuming. I don’t know what if anything I should do like should I speak to nursery? Just for context I’m very quiet and reserved and not quick to anger so completely out of character for me. I’m annoyed now as I am going back to work and have no one to help settle my LO. Mil will have other 2 kids and DH working, I have no idea what to do.

LO seems a little better now. No cough just occasionally and less runny nose. What shall I do? Still take him in like this mother did as I have no option or speak to nursery but then I can’t take him in obviously as manager will say not too, but they obviously said nothing to this mother as she was in for rest of week.

Any advice? I’ve also seen no hand washing at all going on. Kids given snacks without washing hands. My eldest 2 never went nursery just straight to reception school. Any advice please?

If we stay in bed all day today I’m hoping we’ll be better. I’ve had de-humidifier running all night with vapour oil. I’m so bloody annoyed we were all so careful all these months not going anywhere. It’s a new job too so they not going to understand.

I had similar recently. My child attends Monday,Tuesday and wednesday. When I collected wednesday they had a runny nose. By Thursday lunchtime the whole household had it. I booked a test just to confirm it wasn't. The result came back at the weekend as negative. On monday I took him expecting to be turned away (no temperature as I had been checking that but a very snotty nose) as we came to the front of the queue and before I let him less than 2 metres I spoke to the nursery manager and she said there was a summer cold going round and it was no problem.
I would speak to the manager of the nursery and see what they say. I think it's a bit strange they don't take temperatures on arrival but it's their choice I guess. Best of luck with the new job.

I'd be looking for a childminder or just remain a SAHM for the moment. Why pick a pandemic to return to work?

Or get work in the evening/night while your DH is at home.

I can see why your upset OP, the advice is to get tested whenever anyone shows cold symptoms,

It isn't, actually. The advice is to self isolate and get tested if you have a fever, cough, loss of taste and/or smell.
Headache, runny nose, sneezing might be symptoms of coronavirus, but they are not listed as reasons to self isolate and test. The reasoning given for this is that, while there are other symptoms, most people with coronavirus (who are symptomatic) will have at least one of the main three symptoms.
I'm not a dr so I can't comment on the reasonableness of this advice, but that is the advice, so some employers probably aren't going to take too kindly to parents being off repeatedly for children having symptoms that are not actually listed as reasons to isolate. My work is pretty flexible and understanding, but if I said "sorry I can't work because DD has a runny nose" it wouldn't be ok.

@Alison421e

It feels like end of world to me unfortunately as I haven’t worked for over 5 years so already have anxiety about going. On top of this settling in won’t be done so my youngest can’t go into nursery it looks like. MIL is taking eldest to school and looking after 2nd one do I cannot ask her to take my one year old too. I’m feeling very overwhelmed on what to do. I cannot ask for a week off as soon as I start a new job to settle my child in! This could have been avoided if the ill child hadn’t come in till symptoms were gone. It’s not normal times. Even on the nursery website it says DO NOT BRING CHILD IN IF COLD:FLU SYMPTOMS.

But if everyone didn’t take their child into nursery with a cold then people with young children would always be off at work.

You can’t complain that people or taking a child with cold into nursery and in the same breath complain that you need to take time off to look after an ill child.

Both you and the other mum should of stopped the bottle drinking. As a former nursery nurse when I worked in baby rooms I wouldn’t leave bottles for other babies to reach. Once finished it would be removed out of reach.

Maybe the baby had already had a covid test and that’s why the mum thought teething? The nursery couldn’t tell you that.

Most nurseries I’ve heard aren’t even letting adults near the inside of the nursery not even for settling visits. Everything is being done on doorsteps to avoid bringing more people into the building. Do you have to attend and stay every settling visit for ten days?

Do the right thing and take the test then send baby back in. It’s going to be very difficult for parents of young children this winter regarding nursery and school with covid around.

Also maybe discuss with your husband about how you are doing to manage sickness from all of your children.i understand what your saying about his work being important however employers may or may not be sympathetic this winter but if it’s always you I’m not sure it will go in your favour as a new employee.

Perhaps the other child had symptoms but returned a negative test, so was allowed in?

Going to be a lot of parents out of work soon. If you are seriously going to take time off every time your child coughs or sneezes and wait for the Covid result then don't moan when you loose your jib.
OP perhaps this woman had already had her child tested for Covid and it was negative? She could have told the nursery this and that's why she was allowed in.
The nursery sounds crap if they don't accept children with colds or check temperatures. I've visited 4 nurseries in the last few weeks for look round and they all don't have parents there for settling in sessions, check children's temperatures and as visitors we also has temperature checks and had to wear masks .
Children get colds and your LO will pick up everything especially as he's been isolated. It's the risk you take sending them to childcare but better they build their immunity now than at school.
You can talk to the manager but she won't be able to stop.your child getting ill but personally I wouldn't let a random child get on my lap or drink from my.child's bottle.

Off topic but why do you have to 10 settling in sessions? Seems a lot, especially if a parent was already working and just wanted to change settings. Is this not negotiable?

Going to be a lot of parents out of work soon. If you are seriously going to take time off every time your child coughs or sneezes and wait for the Covid result then don't moan when you loose your jib.

It’s not personal preference - it’s a school or nursery policy. The schools opened in Scotland one week ago and we’ve already got kids getting tested every five minutes because they’re not allowed in school with any symptoms without a negative test result.

That’s why two working parents also have to be willing to take time off for sick kids - one person’s employer can’t possibly pick up the pieces of a father who’s washed his hands of the responsibility.

I keep getting a Facebook notification saying that if you’re ill get a test, it doesn’t specify symptoms.

This thread has just reminded me that my DH said that he would not be taking days off if the kids were sick, his job was more important and he was paid more. 🤬

At the minute the nursery I use doesn’t allow in kids with a cold due, unless they’ve had a negative Covid test. They also don’t allow children to come if they’ve had calpol in the last 12 hours.
I’d honestly be having a look at your nursery’s policy. Cold and flu season is coming and if they’re lax it’s going to be a long winter of time off work and Covid tests for you.
Under normal time’s I’d be fine about it, but this isn’t normal times

Hi OP

I'm sorry but it's just going to be like this with a baby at nursery. They are going to have a cough and a cold until spring now.

Its pretty impossible to stop a cold spreading in that age group so they probably just don't bother as its futile. Same with hand washing - a good idea for older children but since babies put everything in their mouths, the benefits would only last under a minute. They can't cough or sneeze into their elbows, they can't use a tissue, they lick each other and put each others hands in their mouths and share food etc etc. All this is normal at this age and the only way they could stop it is to have one baby per room

@FippertyGibbett

This thread has just reminded me that my DH said that he would not be taking days off if the kids were sick, his job was more important and he was paid more. 🤬

And what was your response?

Am I the only one who would have no qualms about shoving a clearly ill child off my lap whether I knew them or not? I'd be spraying hand gel everywhere in plain sight and making very obvious movements to get away from them.

My annoyance is that the rest of nursery kids have immunity built as they’ve been going in longer. They shouldn’t have got both of us to settle in same time - they should have staggered it especially as her kids had a cold. Shall I raise this or just leave it?

My Lo has been in a bubble for past 6 months. We’ve only seen MIL. We’ve not taken him anywhere that involved him mixing with people so his immunity I suppose is very low at moment

If you didn't say you had two other children I would have thought this was a classic case of PFB.

Covid aside.....your child will very likely have a non stop cold now as its his first time going to nursery AND he's been in a bubble for so long he's not been exposed to anything he actually needs to be exposed to.

I don't think they should have done your settling in at the same time but you could have raised that at the time....only because of Covid. Our nursery are not allowing parents in at all so I think your settling in should have been just dropping your child off for the hour or two.

I'd probably find a new nursery though if you are unhappy.

I hate that the mindset that mens jobs are sacred and must be facilitated at all cost, and the little women jobs must slot into the routine silently.

The earnings your DH will lose taking a couple of days off is nothing to the potential loss of a job for you.

I can never understand the jobs these men do that are high flying and pay all the bills, yet so fragile a couple of days parental leave would put their whole career in jeopardy.

Before you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about I have spent over a decade juggling a child with unpredictable health issues and work as a single parent, and still climbed the career ladder, so saying its impossible for a man to do it is utter rubbish.

Sorry for the rant but I see it a lot on here and in rl.

Kids do need to catch colds and flu at a young age to build up their immune system.

A kid kept in bubble and not exposed to any bugs growing up will have terrible health problems when older.

In the school I work in kids with bright green snot, obviously ill come in all the time.. Cant wait till Oct when they're all at it. We can only advise parents they are ill and suggest they come and get little Jonny. unless they throw up twice then its bye bye for a couple of days. Wait till chicken pic goes round.. Oh dear headlice are the worst though

LittleBearPad - luckily it was never a problem, they were only ever off if one of us was here as I was PT and he did shifts.
I think he said that because I went back to work, from being a SAHM, and he realised that he was actually going to have to do something towards the running of the house/kids.

Chicken pox

"DH told me In his company they are reluctant to take mums with young kids on due to these things happening!"

Doesn't your DH see how he is contributing to people having this toxic attitude? You both have kids, but he expects you to deal with all childcare related issues and take all time off. Therefore it's your job that will be impacted by any spell of absence, sickness, etc. While he continues in his job without his children impacting on any aspect of it whatsoever. FWIW, it's my salary that pays the mortgage (if that's the way you look at it) and I've never pulled this sort of shit with my DH.

It takes months and months (possible years) for kids' immune systems to build up enough that they don't constantly have colds from nursery. This is just the first of many. When you're back at work, you'll realise when you're sending your dc in with a cold because you've got to work, that it is what it is. Should the other mum have wiped her child's nose? Yes. Should YOU have stopped her dc drinking out of your dc's cup? Yes. If you could see her child clearly had a cold, why did you allow them to drink from your dc's cup? If you couldn't get there quick enough to stop it then you should have washed the cup yourself or asked a member of staff to do it. That one's on you op so you're just as much to blame as anyone else that you and your dc have a cold. Chances are that even without that child being ill near yours, your dc would have come back with a cold anyway as that's pretty standard in nursery settings. Little kids put things in their mouths that other kids then put in their. There's no stopping it unfortunately.

There’s a chance the other parent had a negative Covid test result so knew they were ‘safe’ to go in, although I agree that if the child had thick green snot I would have kept at home.
I’m surprised the nursery didn’t say anything. This would make me a bit worried about their standards. My child’s nursery takes from age 2 and the hand washing is spot on imo. Some parents complained their children’s hand were getting red and sore from the hand washing, so they changed the soap to a mild version, but continued making them all wash their hands frequently.
We also have to sign a form to say they have no illness or Covid symptoms and we haven’t given calpol to mask a temperature.

Back to your issue. I know what you have said about your husband’s employment basis, however in this case if you’re child is obviously unwell when they were due to return, I would ask you DH to take time off (or find alternative home based childcare) rather then tell a new employer you were unable to attend on your agreed start date.