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Original poster

Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

627 replies

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 17:53

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 22/08/2020 20:08

The child was just being childish

Unfortunately so was the adult

mrsm43s · 22/08/2020 20:09

I think Lily was rude tbh. As an adult, we recognise that its not OK to say unkind things about people to their faces or behind their backs, and Lily needs to learn that. As she's 7, then she hasn't obviously refined these skills fully yet, but she does absolutely need to learn.

That said, Jack's mum got it totally wrong. She did the verbal equivalent of smacking someone for fighting or biting back a toddler that bites - she tried to tried to make the point that it's not OK to be unkind by...being unkind! Pointless, and as an adult she should have known better.

If I'd have been Jack's Mum, I'd have just piped up, in a kind, friendly, but firm voice, "Gosh, Lily, that's a very unkind thing to say", and left it at that.

Sometimeswinning · 22/08/2020 20:11

7 year old told me he didn't like me once as I told him not to shoot the nerf gun at.my dd and friend. Told him I didnt like him either. I'd do it again!

Staffy1 · 22/08/2020 20:11

*If Lily apologised for the fact Jack's Mum overheard I'd bet Jack's Mum would want Lily to apologise for saying they were unfriendly or that she didn't really like them

The last thing Lily's Mum, or the Mum of any girl, should be doing is encouraging her child to apologise for how she feels. Girls and women are told to ignore their instincts and feelings far too often.*

No ones asking her to apologise for how she feels. Feeling something is one thing, but telling others in ear shot of the person in question is not advisable and a silly thing to do.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 22/08/2020 20:12

@ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore

Jack's parents sound awful; Jack isn't going to keep friends long term with parents who behave in that manner.

Lily wasn't rude. She's 7. A year 2 child. So very young. She was describing how jack's parents make her feel and why she preferred being at Jack's house essentially, nothing wrong with that. Being overheard by Jack's rude mother is where she fell down, as she's not old enough to have that level of awareness.

Jack's mother is a grown up and should have acted as such.

Agree completely.

If jack’s mum were in fact a proper adult she would have called Lily over and gently told her that she was sorry to hear that and perhaps think about who is listening when you talk about someone. Or she could have ignored it and reflected on whether or not she is in fact unfriendly. What she actually did proved Lily right.

TheEC · 22/08/2020 20:13

Is it bad I laughed? I’d want to say that too although I wouldn’t Grin the adult should have known better. Lily wasn’t a brat? as some people have said, IMO I think saying someone’s seems unfriendly compared to saying someone seems grumpy/horrible is quite mature at that age. But it’ll teach her to be careful with what she says where

mbosnz · 22/08/2020 20:13

I think that Jack's parents are finding out that the truth hurts.

As is Lily.

queenofknives · 22/08/2020 20:14

If I'd have been Jack's Mum, I'd have just piped up, in a kind, friendly, but firm voice, "Gosh, Lily, that's a very unkind thing to say", and left it at that.

How is it unkind? Do you think that people should never be allowed to express their opinions of others? Is it really unkind to say you don't find someone very friendly? I don't get that at all. So the only way to be 'kind' is to lie about your feelings? Sorry but I find this a bit fucked up.

MintyCedric · 22/08/2020 20:15

@alexdgr8

i don't think the child was rude. she was simply stating her feelings and experience and supporting her friend adam. the woman was rather childish to make such a comment to a child. but she was within her rights too. you cannot pull her up on it. the child has to learn that this is life, some people are not very pleasant. we just avoid them and spend time with those who we enjoy being with. the child was confirmed in her estimation of this woman. she can be commended on her wise perception, ie keeping away from cold fuzzies type people places situations. well done.
Totally agree.

Lily expressed an opinion, she wasn't aware anyone was in position to overhear, she didn't deliberately say something hurtful or rude to the adults in question, unlike said adult who should grown up.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 22/08/2020 20:19

The child needs to learn not to be rude about people, or that if she chooses to be, others have every right to be as rude back, which she might find hurtful.

diddl · 22/08/2020 20:20

"i don't think the child was rude
she was simply stating her feelings and experience"

Absolutely-& it sounds as if she was spot on!

CheetasOnFajitas · 22/08/2020 20:20

It is utter bullshit that people on this thread are saying that it is “rude” to say that you don’t like a person because you find them unfriendly.

Belladonna123 · 22/08/2020 20:21

Jack's mum sounds like a dick. Lily most likely feels uncomfortable around them going by how they are obviously not welcome when they are in Jack's house. This is simply a 7 year olds way of expressing it Smile

PhilCornwall1 · 22/08/2020 20:24

As an adult, we recognise that its not OK to say unkind things about people to their faces or behind their backs,

As an adult, have you never told anyone to their face what you think of them?

I tend to live by the rule that if you are not prepared to tell someone exactly what you think of them, don't say it behind their back.

lyralalala · 22/08/2020 20:24

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

The child needs to learn not to be rude about people, or that if she chooses to be, others have every right to be as rude back, which she might find hurtful.
She wasn't rude about Jack's parents. She expressed that she didn't like them much because they are unfriendly. That's not remotely rude.

The fact that Jack's Mum accidentally overheard is an error, but an error made by a 7-year-old child.

queenofknives · 22/08/2020 20:25

@CheetasOnFajitas

It is utter bullshit that people on this thread are saying that it is “rude” to say that you don’t like a person because you find them unfriendly.
How many threads have you seen on MN which say some version of 'She's not very friendly' or 'I don't like him because he was rude' or so on? It's normal: we have opinions about each other. But apparently when a little girl says something like this, she's fair game for name calling and nonsense about 'rudeness'. Poor kid.

Apart from anything else, it's rank hypocrisy.

Deadringer · 22/08/2020 20:28

Letters of apology, having a word with the neighbour, what a load of rubbish. Next people will be suggesting that Lily has SEN or that the neighbour has depression. Everyone involved should just forget about it and move on.

Moomin12345 · 22/08/2020 20:29

Ah yes, first world problems. It's a good lesson on thinking /looking around before speaking.

lyralalala · 22/08/2020 20:30

How many threads have you seen on MN which say some version of 'She's not very friendly' or 'I don't like him because he was rude' or so on? It's normal: we have opinions about each other. But apparently when a little girl says something like this, she's fair game for name calling and nonsense about 'rudeness'. Poor kid.

Apart from anything else, it's rank hypocrisy.

Exactly this!

It's also very telling that Adam's comments haven't received any mention by most when Lily was simply discussing something he started and she was no more rude than he was.

queenofknives · 22/08/2020 20:33

I tend to live by the rule that if you are not prepared to tell someone exactly what you think of them, don't say it behind their back.

That's a stupid rule that can only end up causing all sorts of unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings. I'm pretty honest and open but it's really normal to not actually tell people what you think of them to their face (even when it's actually positive). For example, I might tell a friend 'my neighbour X gets on my nerves' and consider that a way of expressing my feelings without causing any upset by going round to my neighbour's house and saying 'you get on my nerves'. What good would that do? I honestly can't imagine what life would be like if we all followed this 'rule'.

But this isn't even a case of two adults. We are talking about a small child innocently expressing her opinion to a friend, unaware that she was being listened to by an adult. She is entitled to her opinion and shouldn't have to face down a frankly unhinged sounding adult because of some other adult's weird idea about who is allowed to say what to whom under what circumstances.

queenofknives · 22/08/2020 20:37

It's also very telling that Adam's comments haven't received any mention by most when Lily was simply discussing something he started and she was no more rude than he was.

Yes. I'd love to see the thread where the names were swapped. I bet it would be full of empathy and care for Adam, and lots of name calling of Jack's mum. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Lily would still get the blame for 'starting it'.

phoenixrosehere · 22/08/2020 20:38

It is utter bullshit that people on this thread are saying that it is “rude” to say that you don’t like a person because you find them unfriendly.

This.

I bet Jack’s mum has been described and called much worse by her attitude.

lyralalala · 22/08/2020 20:41

@queenofknives

It's also very telling that Adam's comments haven't received any mention by most when Lily was simply discussing something he started and she was no more rude than he was.

Yes. I'd love to see the thread where the names were swapped. I bet it would be full of empathy and care for Adam, and lots of name calling of Jack's mum. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Lily would still get the blame for 'starting it'.

I think it would have been more "Lily started and as for Adam... well boys will be boys. Jack's Mum should know that having boys herself".
PhilCornwall1 · 22/08/2020 20:42

That's a stupid rule that can only end up causing all sorts of unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings.

Well that's just your opinion.

So say I think you are rude and obnoxious, I would rather tell you that first before I told anyone else (if there was a reason to), because if it got back to you via a third party, you'd already know, so no big surprise and nobody is in an uncomfortable position.

Kerravon34 · 22/08/2020 20:42

The 7 year old only said ‘they aren’t very friendly’ and the woman just proved that she is not only unfriendly but actually horrible as well. The child is 7 for gods sake! The woman is a cow.