Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

[Elsiebear90]

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

Mummy2017
My comments about offences were predicated on (and I stated in my posts) that lily was identified or I demi-finale via anything online.
Op has not identified lily in any way.

‘Or identifiable’ that should read.
And yes I believe fervently that children should be (and rightly are) protected from online abuse of all sorts. That includes gossip and complaints. Particularly when about nothing !

The child was fine to say what she did. She thought she was speaking privately to a friend. And she wasnt offensive or mean. She just stated she didn’t like the other parents. Adults have conversations like that all the time. You are allowed to tell a friend that you don’t like someone else. That’s not rude. Children are also allowed to say they don’t like someone. It’s very important that they are allowed to say they don’t want to spend time with someone without being called rude or naughty. If they're not allowed to say “I don’t want to go to uncle Jim’s house, I don’t like him.” Then they can’t say Uncle Jim scares me. He makes me sit on his knee when I don’t want to.” Or anything else they aren’t comfortable with.

I also don’t think the other woman was out of order to say what she did either. She is allowed to say she doesn’t like lily. Just as lily is allowed to say she doesn’t like her. It’s also a good lesson for Lily to learn to be more careful about where she says things she doesn’t want other people to hear. If I was Lilly’s parent I would be telling her amA) she didn’t say anything wrong, B) she should take better care when talking if she doesn’t want others to hear it and C) she should never be upset when others don’t like her because that is very normal for everyone and doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with her.

acatcalled john I think you are being complimentary to Mummy2017 saying she sounds about 14!! She sounds about 7 to me!

The little girl didn't realise the woman was there and was only saying what she thought..... She only said the parents were not that friendly. It's not as if she shouted insults directly at the woman.

^This. We've all expressed our dislike of a person to a friend. Why is it that an adult is within their rights to say this but when a child does they're 'rude' or a 'brat'.

Lily only expressed her opinion, she wasn't actually rude to Jack's mum.

Sorry wrong thread!

Oh yeah, I'd love to see the police report.
Child is bad mouths a person, person over heard and answers back.
Child's mum talks to person.
Everyone finds out what child did.
Even if only the facts are reported I can assure you that the police would wet themselves laughing, in their staffroom.

Um.. Jack’s mum brought it up and then stormed off like a toddler when Lily’s mum didn’t agree with her allowing her child to express her feelings.

Jack’s mum isn’t painting herself in glory here. If she can’t take a wee child’s opinion of her even though that’s her issue. She being an adult could have said “oh I hadn’t realised” or ignored her, but no. She chose to prove the small child’s assessment correct and then go on to prove to her mum the same thing. I‘d bet Lily isn’t the only child that feels she is unfriendly given her behaviour.

HeronLanyon while I don't condone bully and think naming and shaming is not a good thing, I do think that we would have to remove the WWW to stop this.
People have gossiped since we as a race first learnt to talk. Do you honestly think when Lily's own mum can't resist gossipping about her child, that she doesn't have to should some of the blame for her child's actions.
No I am not saying a child should not speak up if someone hurts or upsets them, but a child should also be taught that if you gossip about someone and they hear and answer you back , then you as a child need to realise you started it.

I also agree with PPs that if children are told that they can't say it if they don't like or are scared of an adult, it will make it very hard for them to speak up if they're being abused. I was that child; my abusive F told me that I should never say no to an adult, as that was rude.

Children should feel able to express how they feel, same as adults.

Lily would have been rude if she had told Jack's mum directly that she didn't like her because she was unfriendly. She didn't, she expressed her opinion to her friend.

'Well, she started it!' The kids are seven.

I don't know what the excuse of any adult that uses this line is though. . .

@user1471510836

acatcalled john I think you are being complimentary to Mummy2017 saying she sounds about 14!! She sounds about 7 to me!

That wouldn't be fair on children like Lily.

@mummmy2017, I don't think you quite understand that there is a world of difference between a child privately saying "I don't mind not playing there as I don't find his parents that friendly" versus an adult quite harshly stating "we don't like you either" to someone's face, especially a young child.

Lily never said she didn't like them, she just stated she didn't find them that friendly. An adult should know better than to respond that harshly.

Do you honestly think when Lily's own mum can't resist gossipping about her child, that she doesn't have to should some of the blame for her child's actions.

So talking to a friend about something that happened to your child is considered gossip?

Think you might want to check your dictionary...

@mbosnz That's true. It's the sort of thing my DDs would say about each other. I don't know any competent adults who would talk like that. Whatever we think of what Lily said, Jack's mum was acting like a 7 year old herself.

So basically it's a case of a child learning an important life lesson: if you are going to bitch about someone, make sure they are not around to hear it.

But other than that a total non event. Child doesn't like adult. Adult doesn't like that child (and despite what some people on here might think, adults are perfectly entitled not to like a particular child - as long as they do not hurt said child physically, then they are allowed their opinion).

acatcalledjohn Yes, Lily is definitely one of the more mature ones to emerge from this whole debacle.

@Mittens030869 mine very quickly got out of that habit, because I was apt to say, 'I don't care who bloody started it, but if you two don't sort it out, I'll be coming over there and finishing it!'

Frankly I think she's seen natural consequences play out. That's just what can happen if you gossip about people out in the open. Now hopefully she knows that. I perhaps wouldn't have said that but I don't think its an entirely unreasonable retort.

Agree with this. Lily needs to think about why it's OK for her to say that about somebody but not OK for someone to not like her?

@mbosnz Lol. These days, my DDs' favourite line is, 'It's not fair!' And I find myself repeating the old cliche that 'Life isn't fair'.

But children are supposed to grow up into adults, who have some self-control.

So basically it's a case of a child learning an important life lesson: if you are going to bitch about someone, make sure they are not around to hear it.

Wow.. using the word bitch to describe a 7 year old reassuring a friend and expressing her feelings that she finds someone unfriendly.

This thread keeps getting better and better.. 🙄

Wow.. using the word bitch to describe a 7 year old reassuring a friend and expressing her feelings that she finds someone unfriendly.

This thread keeps getting better and better.. 🙄

I can't believe these people are actually parents!

I like the fact a child feels comfortable around a grown-up that they feel they can speak their true feelings about another grown-up, especially a girl.
So no I wouldn't ask Lily to change the way she speaks.
I would think Jack's Mum needs to get over the fact that children might not like her, and ignore it, rather than retorting.
However, it seems to have played out.
It's a difficult situation to be in, to know that other people have said they don't like you, especially when they are grown ups, but hold your head high Lily, your parents and friends will look after you.

Perhaps you should talk to some teachers about how playground feud's start over something far simpler.
And bitch here has been used as a verb.

mummy17 Operative word being PLAYGROUND.

@phoenixrosehere

So basically it's a case of a child learning an important life lesson: if you are going to bitch about someone, make sure they are not around to hear it.

Wow.. using the word bitch to describe a 7 year old reassuring a friend and expressing her feelings that she finds someone unfriendly.

This thread keeps getting better and better.. 🙄

It's unbelievable that people can talk about small children this way. It's disturbing.