Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

[Elsiebear90]

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

‘If I overheard a child saying that they didn't want come to my house because I wasn't friendly, I would be mortified; even if I wasn't very keen on the child, I would be very upset that I had come across as unfriendly.‘ Exactly!! What the child said would have upset you. So why was the neighbor wrong to be upset?

I too would be mortified and upset because what LIly said was true and I would be uncomfortable with myself, my actions and how I was being perceived. This doesn't appear to be why the neighbour was upset and she handled it badly imo. She sounds pretty thin skinned, quite unpleasant and needs to grow up.

She heard the truth "out of the mouths of babes"

Amazed so many people are saying Lily was rude.

She was talking to Adam and had no idea Jack’s parents were listening.

Have none of you ever said anything negative about another person, when you didn’t think they were there? The only thing Lily needs to learn is to check who’s listening before she speaks.

The child was not being rude or bratty she was simply saying she didn’t like someone and that someone overheard. Poor kid didn’t realise she was there. Grown up acted in a very childish way 🤪

@minipie

Amazed so many people are saying Lily was rude.

She was talking to Adam and had no idea Jack’s parents were listening.

Have none of you ever said anything negative about another person, when you didn’t think they were there? The only thing Lily needs to learn is to check who’s listening before she speaks.

The very act of talking behind someone's back is rude. Just because this girl did it to an adult does not make it less rude. Would you say the same thing if it was the little boy who heard next door?

When I was 7 our street went 'en mass' to the local swimming pool, the Dads would take it in turn to take the kids and the Mums stayed at home. I tried to explain to my DF that I didn't like one of the neighbours and didn't want to go with him but I was told not to be silly.

I didn't have the words to explain that the neighbour would very subtlety touch me inappropriately under the water and when I tried to get away he'd grab me back under the guise of play acting.

This was 45 years ago and granted we are probably more aware than my DPs were back then but I think we have to listen to what our kids tell us and i don't believe Lily was being rude or a brat.

I'd be asking her what the neighbours do that makes her feel they are unfriendly. We need to support our kids to listen to their gut feelings and believe them, not shout them down when they express an opinion. Is this not a form of gaslighting that is talked about constantly on MN?

I don't think Lily did anything wrong and I think the mum over the fence proved Lily's point.

The very act of talking behind someone's back is rude.
She wasn't rude. She was asked if she wanted to go somewhere and said she would rather not as the parents weren't friendly.
Responding to questions with answers backed up by explanation isn't rude.
No one spends their life saying yes to everything and everyone.

Lily has just found out that words have consequences.
So now three child know Lily doesn't like their mum, plus Adam's Mum will tell people, Lily's mum will tell people, children will hear parents talking and tell their friends.
Bet Lily wishes she thought before she spoke.
After all Lily was the one who started this ball rolling.

• Lily wishes she thought before she spoke. After all Lily was the one who started this ball rolling.*

And Jack's mum could, if she had acted like a mature adult, have stopped the ball rolling by responding sensibly. "I overheard heard you just now Lily, so sorry we came across as unfriendly before. Hope you'll come and play here soon." Job done.

Lily learns a lesson, the children see how an adult handles an awkward situation gracefully, and they get the opportunity to be friends again.

Instead of which, this so-called adult, deliberately did something to exacerbate the situation all round which wasn't kind or clever.

And none of this would have come about if she had bothered to be friendly to Lily in the first place anyway!

So a little girl that to OP has always been very polite, well mannered and pleasant truthfully says “ I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly” (unwittingly in mum’s hearing) about parents who have for years let their 3 kids go to other’s houses but won’t allow their kids in hers but when they rarely do they are unpleasant and make it fairly clear they didn’t want them there (telling them off for making noise, asking how long they’re going to be there, not allowing them food or drinks despite them frequently being given both at other friends houses) and kicking them out after an hour for breaking rules The Mum then gets into a childish altercation with girl and later brings it up with girl’s mother and, even though she is told that the girl is sorry that she heard her, becomes hostile and walks off making another snippy comment. And ppl are on here criticizing the 7 year old! Wow.

Saw this and made me think of this thread

So much hate for Lily. I like my daughter feisty and opinionated. I want her to stick up for herself. You haters are as bad as the horrible parent.

She did not slag them off. She said she didn’t like them because they were unfriendly. Under no circumstances does that equate to slagging them off. And it was not in public. She was on private property

Don’t talk crap. She was in a garden. Doesn’t matter if it was on private property, if you live next to other houses and she wants to slag jacks parents off within earshot then she can’t complain when she gets something said back. Lily got what she deserved and might pick up some manners now. I wouldn’t want a brat like her over my house either.

Very immature thing to say! Why not say something like “ well I’m sorry you feel like this about me!” If she really HAD to respond to a 7 year old child.

@Aridane

I don't think the child was rude. she was simply stating her feelings and experience

I love this comment and am going to use it henceforth when saying cunty things

Time to revamp the Mumsnet shite comeback classic.

Did you mean to be so simply stating your feelings and experience?

Lily sounds absolutely right. Jack's mum sounds like a right piece of work from the OP and Lily should be told that her instincts were correct!

Whenever I hear people lament that the young don't respect their elders I can't help but think they have better judgement than we did as kids. There are so many adults who behave poorly.

Don’t talk crap. She was in a garden. Doesn’t matter if it was on private property, if you live next to other houses and she wants to slag jacks parents off within earshot then she can’t complain when she gets something said back. Lily got what she deserved and might pick up some manners now. I wouldn’t want a brat like her over my house either.

Anyone who uses words like “crap”, “slag”, and “brat” indicates all we need to know about unpleasant and bullying adults.

I wouldn’t want a brat like her over my house either.

Most of us wouldn't want an immature adult like you in our homes either.

@smallestleaf

And I can't help noticing the irony of all the people calling Lily rude for saying she does not like someone, yet calling her a 'brat' and 'horrid'.

Surely, by your own arguments, that makes you lot rude too?

'This exactly. Can't believe how people are jumping on a poor seven year old who only said she didn't like someone as they weren't friendly. And she's clearly not!!

I am almost speechless, which for me is saying something! I presume that most of the pp's on here are actually mums? Lily is 7 years young, she was responding very politely and articulately for someone who is 7, actually much more politely then too many of the pp's on here, who need to do much more than just give their heads a wobble.
If Lily was my daughter, I would have been very proud of her for explaining in such a polite way why she didn't mind not playing in Jack's house.
Lily had no idea that Jack's mum could hear her, how many of us adults look all around us before we make a comment about someone else, when we have already been prompted to reply? There is the well known saying "s/he's behind me, isn't s/he?
If I was Jack's mum I would have ignored it then, and then later gone around to Lily's mum's with some chocolate or a fairy cake just for Lily, and asked if I could speak to Lily with her mum. I would then have told Lily how sorry I was that I seemed unfriendly, that I hadn't been feeling very well lately, but had never meant to appear unfriendly. I would then have said that when I was feeling a bit better, I would love for her and a few friends to come around and play, if that was ok with Lily's mum.
I really hope that those of you who are being so incredibly rude about Lily, don't actually have children of your own...

I'm struggling a bit with people calling the 7 year old rude. Yes what she said was overheard and offence taken. I get that, but it isn't as if she said it to deliberately offend the neighbours. She was after all expressing her opinion to another child. Is it only adults that allowed opinions now? She needs to be spoken to about how things she says can affect others, but by how upset she was it sounds like a good part if the lesson has already been learned. As for the adults insulting her, what childish and spiteful people. I wouldn't bother speaking to them though, I just wouldn't bother having anything to do with them again.

I hope Lily is always able to trust her instincts about people and express not wanting to be in their company.
She was not rude but simply did not want to be with people who made it clear she wasn’t welcome.

A child made a remark.
If it was not considered rude the the person who heard herself being talked about would not have commented back like she did.
I think Jack's mum was shocked at how rude lily was to have voiced such a comment about her.
The conversation between Jack and Lily's mums proves that fact.
So what if the OP is trying to justify why, and paint Jack's mum as a bad person.
Lily did this.
Lily has cause sides to be taken , and Lily's mum has added fuel to the fire, this is not the Waltons, we live in an age of computers, and this will be all over the area in days.
The children will all know about it, and it will be said that a child was rude behind someones back and they heard about it. There is no way to whitewash the facts.

I see lot of people saying Lily was rude for expressing her thoughts. If a child is not allowed to express their feelings then we are in problems. If she said she doesn't want to play in someone's house because they ain't friendly that is not being rude that is stating straight facts and I bloody hope you'll been listening to your kids and not telling them that's rude!

Jack's mother should know better and do better but as Lily had already said she ain't friendly so why expect better from Jack's mother.

Another adult should bring it up whether Adams mother or you as Lily's mother.

Parents shouldn't be speaking that way to a child. If they have a problem with what has been said by a child the they should speak to the child's parents or be an adult and think that its just a child's view.