Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

627 replies

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 17:53

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

OP posts:
squanderedcore · 23/08/2020 18:48

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world.

Shock. And thus the seeds of a thousand adolescent MH problems are sown... .

SentientAndCognisant · 23/08/2020 18:52

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world

How does a society raise resilient,smart,empowered young people if we quash them and place them way down in an unfair hierarchy

mbosnz · 23/08/2020 18:54

We teach our kids how to act with courtesy, compassion and respect, by modelling these behaviours to them.

JonSnowIsALoser · 23/08/2020 18:54

Why do so many people say Lily was a rude brat to say what she said? She expressed an honest opinion to her friend about not liking some obviously unfriendly and unpleasant people, not realising the person she was talking about could hear it. How is that rude?

Or do you lot share the shitty view (yes I'm being rude here) that little girls have to always smile, be polite and pretend they like nasty people? To deny their own feelings in order to not offend someone? It's the easiest way to set them up for a life of emotional abuse.

Lily was not rude. She was honestly expressing her feelings in a conversation with a third party. She's perfectly entitled to express a dislike for a grown-up who by their own reaction turned out to be a total jerk. I don't like the neighbour either by the sound of it.

Minimumstandard · 23/08/2020 18:54

unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order

How are you going to know whether something serious (neglect, abuse, bullying) has occurred unless you're in the habit of listening to your children and treating their feelings and experiences as important?

Mothership4two · 23/08/2020 18:59

Surprised at some of the responses on here stating Lily was rude (and even calling her a brat). I think she was just being honest (and factually correct). Her mistake was saying something that could be overheard, but she IS only 7 years old and, I expect, didn't think first when she said it. And the lesson she learnt is that some people can be unpleasant (even to young children).

In the neighbour's place, I might have thoughtlessly blurted out something similar, but I would have immediately apologised. The neighbours sound horrid and quite selfish.

YgritteSnow · 23/08/2020 18:59

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world

This was the prevailing attitude towards children back in the seventies and eighties as I recall. An attitude that allowed certain adults to commit the historic abuse of children that we express horror at now, because they knew they wouldn't be believed if they spoke up and the children knew it too. I'm not surprised to see that people still think this way. I just feel really sorry for their kids.

mbosnz · 23/08/2020 19:06

I wouldn't write the neighbour off as 'horrid', she sounds like she's not in a good place in her life at the moment, and is not dealing with things terribly well.

houmousexpert · 23/08/2020 19:10

@Elsiebear90

Wow I have to say I’m shocked at some of these comments tbh, she’s a 7 year old child who just said she didn’t like someone because they not that friendly (which is true apparently), how does that make her a “Karen in the making” and a “rude brat”?! She’s 7! Are your children never allowed to say they don’t like someone? I certainly hope not.

She’s upset because she knows a grown up doesn’t like her and such she’s worried that next time she sees her and/or her three kids they’re going to be horrible to her.

I completely agree, @Elsie...
KorumamaT · 23/08/2020 19:13

Lily has every right to say where she feels comfortable and should always be encouraged to do so.

Never tell her off for being truthful.
Never.

Neighbour needs telling off for being rude to a 7 year old, sadly sounds like neighbour is emotionally stunted and has no understanding about what is appropriate for a 7 year old.

Stick up for your kids. Please. Tell the adults they are wrong.

It’s amazing how we quash our children’s intuition in the name of being polite.

elephantontheroofeatingcake · 23/08/2020 19:25

Why are so many people saying Lily was rude!? She is a child, expressing her experience of 'Jacks' parents, and she was right, she said they weren't friendly, What his mum said was really mean and proved her experience of the as correct. Lily didn't say she didn't like them or anything mean. A lot of sanctimonious adults on this thread.

foreverhungry2409 · 23/08/2020 19:31

I can't believe people are saying Lily was rude. She was merely expressing her feelings about Jack and his family which in my opinion, was voiced well for a 7 year old. There is nothing wrong in saying she finds them unfriendly, she clearly is! As a 7 year old, she would have felt as though she has done nothing wrong. Also, Lily did not realise she was there! She clearly did not go out of her way to hurt her feelings!

Jacks mum sounds like an utter cow! She will 100% have more understanding as an adult but decided to be bitchy with a 7 years old smh

acatcalledjohn · 23/08/2020 19:36

To all of you calling Lily rude/a brat/Karen in the making etc:

The one thing that has come from this is that Lily has realised that what she said hurt someone and she is worried about being treated horribly in the future. As a 7YO she recognises her words have had an impact.

In the meantime Jack's mum is still throwing her toys out the pram when told the girl is only 7 and wasn't slagging her off.

Lily at the tender age of 7 is so much more mature than Jack's mum could ever dream of being.

smallestleaf · 23/08/2020 19:40

How is it ok for a child to be rude but their victim to be a horrible person for answering back?

I think I have just reached peak victimhood. Grin

The idea of an adult being the 'victim' of a seven year old child not liking them actually made me laugh out loud!

smallestleaf · 23/08/2020 19:42

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world

Well, only to narcissist, ego tripping, power tripping, yet deeply inadequate arsehole adults.

Kljnmw3459 · 23/08/2020 19:45

Sounds like a harsh but good lesson for the 7 year old!

CherryPavlova · 23/08/2020 19:48

Storm in a teacup. Child was a tad rude. There were consequences. She learned the impact of her words. Lesson learned without further escalation.
“Oh dear Lily, it’s not very nice to be told that, so be a bit more aware of who is listening when you say something unpleasant next time.”

jobling · 23/08/2020 19:53

Rude kid, flippant response back. Kids need to learn they can’t say whatever they like without consequences and 7 isn’t that young to be learning.

3beauts · 23/08/2020 19:54

I don’t understand why so many people think lily is in the wrong here, she’s playing at a friends house and when friend suggests playing with jack lily says she’d rather not play round jacks house because his mum and dad are not very nice. Which means she’s obviously not comfortable with going there to me that’s a fare thing to say. Then jacks mum reacts in the exact way that is not very nice. Lily was right to not want to go there and I’d probably not let my children go there either 🙄

smallestleaf · 23/08/2020 20:02

To all the people saying Lily has learnt a good lesson about actions having consequences, can you explain you don't comment on Jack's Mum having learnt an important lesson that the consequence of being horrible to people is that they won't like you?

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 23/08/2020 20:04

this is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return. no I don't think your friend should have a word.

Lily wasn’t being unkind, she was stating an opinion, which appears totally justified given Jack’s mother’s response.

kulaexchange · 23/08/2020 20:05

"I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”

Lily's reasoning and ability to express herself sounds very mature to me. It's a real shame people see this as her being rude.

squanderedcore · 23/08/2020 20:10

@jobling

Rude kid, flippant response back. Kids need to learn they can’t say whatever they like without consequences and 7 isn’t that young to be learning.
A seven year old won't interpret the response as flippant though will they? They will understand that an adult who doesn't know them that well,, and their entire family, doesn't like them. She will think they have discussed her among themselves! She won't have the maturity to understand that someone is teaching her a lesson.
GuidoTheKillerPimp · 23/08/2020 20:10

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world

For fucks sake. I do hope you don’t have children.

Ideasplease322 · 23/08/2020 20:11

It’s worrying that people think it’s rude. Children should be able to express their opinions and say if they don’t feel comfortable with some adults or in some houses.

Telling a child she is rude for expressing an poison is every shade or wrong