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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

627 replies

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 17:53

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 23/08/2020 17:44

Lily is upset because she is embarrassed, a lesson learned. A 7 year old knows (or ar least should know) the difference between right & wrong, she’ll get over it

daisypond · 23/08/2020 17:45

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Lily is upset because she is embarrassed, a lesson learned. A 7 year old knows (or ar least should know) the difference between right & wrong, she’ll get over it
Except she wasn’t wrong. She was right.
FelicisNox · 23/08/2020 17:47

This does not require a conversion just because a 7yr olds feelings were hurt.

I find this whole situation utterly precious.

The mother was rude and she should have had a filter but maybe HER feelings were hurt? There may be any number of reasons she is "unfriendly". Maybe she works unsociable hours and is tired, maybe she has a chronic illness, maybe her home life is difficult.

Just because she's an adult doesn't mean she's immune to insults. Lily needs to keep her opinions to herself and you need to stop pandering.

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world.

Celestine70 · 23/08/2020 17:48

Sounds as if Lily was right.

Noti23 · 23/08/2020 17:49

How was the child being rude? It’s not rude to dislike someone. Are adults forced to like everyone and not voice any dislikes? It was an accident that she overheard. Shit thing to say to a child and, quite frankly, the child is right about Jack’s parents.

Tabsvik79 · 23/08/2020 17:49

I e had the same problem. My daughter told my husband she didn’t like a child in the street and before she could say why his grandmother kicked off saying my child wasn’t a very nice child. If she had listened she would of heard my daughter say because he spits on her and her friends in school. My child is a nice child and is overly empathetic but if she don’t like u then she doesn’t hide it. She is 6.

All I think is that the truth hurts lol

daisypond · 23/08/2020 17:49

I suspect we have a Karen in the making if she’s being taught that it’s ok for her to hurt other people’s feelings but hers are sooo precious

Well, aren’t you a bully. What a nasty misogynistic thing to say. I despair. Little girls have it hard enough without grown adults name calling and bullying them. Lily is learning all too much about how unpleasant some adult women can be.

Laiste · 23/08/2020 17:50

Why is it rude for a child to tell another child that she finds the parents of a third (absent) child unfriendly?

Can any of the posters who have said she's rude explain?

Newmumatlast · 23/08/2020 17:50

@FelicisNox

This does not require a conversion just because a 7yr olds feelings were hurt.

I find this whole situation utterly precious.

The mother was rude and she should have had a filter but maybe HER feelings were hurt? There may be any number of reasons she is "unfriendly". Maybe she works unsociable hours and is tired, maybe she has a chronic illness, maybe her home life is difficult.

Just because she's an adult doesn't mean she's immune to insults. Lily needs to keep her opinions to herself and you need to stop pandering.

Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world.

Understand their place in the hierarchy? Wtf?! They are human beings. Their opinions do matter. Yes they should respect their parents as authority but no they shouldn't have to like every adult or accept inappropriate behaviour from adults or anything like that because they're supposedly further down the pecking order than they are. Wow.
Laiste · 23/08/2020 17:51

''Lily needs to keep her opinions to herself''

Why? Why can't a child express their opinion of someone else to a fellow child?

mbosnz · 23/08/2020 17:52

Jack's Mum is feeling very much like the world is against her, isn't she? Poor Jack. . .

I hope things get sorted for them soon, to a much more even keel.

Lily was in her garden, and gave her opinion as a 7 year old does, without malice or guile. It's unfortunate that Jack's Mum was in a position to hear it, and clearly she's feeling besieged on all sides at the moment. I hope that in less stressful times, she'd be more able to either ignore it, ponder upon it and see the truth in it, or rather than engaging in verbal battle with a seven year old, saying something more appropriate to her age and position as an adult, such as, 'Lily, it's not wise to say such things when you don't know who can hear them, and I'm quite upset by that'. . .

Laiste · 23/08/2020 17:53

If Lilly had told Jack she didn't like his parents, or if she'd knowingly told the parents themselves she didn't like them, then maybe she was rude. But neither of those scenarios are true.

Newmumatlast · 23/08/2020 17:54

@mbosnz

Jack's Mum is feeling very much like the world is against her, isn't she? Poor Jack. . .

I hope things get sorted for them soon, to a much more even keel.

Lily was in her garden, and gave her opinion as a 7 year old does, without malice or guile. It's unfortunate that Jack's Mum was in a position to hear it, and clearly she's feeling besieged on all sides at the moment. I hope that in less stressful times, she'd be more able to either ignore it, ponder upon it and see the truth in it, or rather than engaging in verbal battle with a seven year old, saying something more appropriate to her age and position as an adult, such as, 'Lily, it's not wise to say such things when you don't know who can hear them, and I'm quite upset by that'. . .

I think that wouldve been a much more measured response to be honest
YgritteSnow · 23/08/2020 17:54

@Mary54

Sounds like Lily is a very rude child and hopefully this will have taught her that other people have feelings. Don’t understand the comments about “she didn’t start it, she’s only a child”. How is it ok for a child to be rude but their victim to be a horrible person for answering back? I suspect we have a Karen in the making if she’s being taught that it’s ok for her to hurt other people’s feelings but hers are sooo precious
You do realise you're speaking about a 7 year old don't you? Because you sound like you think you're talking about a late teenager or early twenties young woman and you'd still sound misogynistic and unpleasant even then!
Original poster
Elsiebear90 · 23/08/2020 18:00

Wow I have to say I’m shocked at some of these comments tbh, she’s a 7 year old child who just said she didn’t like someone because they not that friendly (which is true apparently), how does that make her a “Karen in the making” and a “rude brat”?! She’s 7! Are your children never allowed to say they don’t like someone? I certainly hope not.

She’s upset because she knows a grown up doesn’t like her and such she’s worried that next time she sees her and/or her three kids they’re going to be horrible to her.

OP posts:
Minimumstandard · 23/08/2020 18:07

How is it ok for a child to be rude but their victim to be a horrible person for answering back?

Replace "be rude" with "hit" and you have your answer. "How is it ok for a child to hit but their victim to be a horrible person to hit back?"

Answer: it's not ok for for a child to hit but society recognises that children are more impulsive and less culpable for their actions so, guess what, only one of you is up on an assault charge and it's not the child.

In any case, it's unfortunate that Lily was overheard by Jack's mum saying she didn't like her but it wasn't deliberate on her part. Deliberate rudeness is much more culpable, and Jack's mum was deliberately rude. That makes Jack's mum worse.

Emeraldshamrock · 23/08/2020 18:13

@mbosnz Very wise age appropriate response. Wink

mbosnz · 23/08/2020 18:17

I do feel for Lily, and Lily's Mum, it's a bit of a mortifying situation, and with how close to home we all are at the moment, all the more likely to happen, and all the more likely that feelings will run high.

But I do also feel, sneakily, for Jack's Mum, and Jack, it sounds like all is not well in their family and home at the moment.

Jack's Mum must not be allowed to be nasty towards Lily, however, she's a child, who made the kind of error many of us as adults have made to our everlasting moments of cringe, when we remember them!

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 23/08/2020 18:18

I cannot believe what I'm reading from some of these responses! Calling a 7 year old child names, saying she shouldn't be allowed to express her opinion, keeping her opinions to herself? WOW! Just wow!

Lily wasn't rude. She was stating her opinion in PRIVATE to a friend and unfortunately was overheard, an opinion that had been formed based on facts that the woman wasn't very friendly. The mother was rude to retort back.

If my son's friends were heard to be saying I wasn't very friendly or kind, I'd be mortified and would adjust my behaviour as such, not squeal over the fence at a 7 year old child that I didn't like them either.

I bring my child up to have good manners but also to ALWAYS tell the truth, which is does so bluntly too and always at the 'wrong' time (he has ASD but that's another story), but he is a CHILD and an adult should always know better.

squanderedcore · 23/08/2020 18:25

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Lily is upset because she is embarrassed, a lesson learned. A 7 year old knows (or ar least should know) the difference between right & wrong, she’ll get over it
No, Lily is upset because an adult was really horrible to her and took pleasure in embarrassing her. An adult used the power imbalance between them to deliberately upset her by implying that she (and her entire family) disliked a seven year old child fhs.

There are obviously lots of posters on this thread who never made any mistakes and were fully mature and ready for the diplomatic service when they were seven!

The only thing Lily did wrong was choosing the wrong time and place to express her legitimate viewpoint.

user1471510836 · 23/08/2020 18:29

I despair at some of the parents on this site. God help their female children! Lily was not rude and let's hope the truth hit home to this awful woman.

lakesidesummer · 23/08/2020 18:35

If you listen in on other people's conversations you can't blame them if you don't like what you hear.
Even less reasonable to take offense if you are eavesdropping on a seven year old.
( who seems to have been speaking the truth given what happened afterwards.)

Whatelsecanipossiblydo · 23/08/2020 18:36

“Kids need to understand their place in the hierarchy of life and unless something serious occurs their feelings are WAY down the pecking order in the adult world.“

@FelicisNox did you really just write that??? Please tell me you are not a parent or ever intend to be!

Lily is a 7 year old CHILD who describes reasons she was uncomfortable around other adults. In ANY adult-child relationship, the adult ALWAYS has the power and adults know that. Has anyone wondered why Lily is so uncomfortable?
Just because she’s a child it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have an opinion. We should be encouraging children - especially young girls - to speak up for themselves. She wasn’t rude at all.
I’m honestly shocked by some of the responses on here!!

mbosnz · 23/08/2020 18:38

Surely we all know that eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves?

MadMadaMim · 23/08/2020 18:47

I don't think anyone was unreasonable and Lily learnt a good lesson.

I would have explained to Lily that Jack's mum must feel as bad as she does. Hearing people say they don't like you is sad and hurtful. Now that Lily knows how it feels, she'll think twice before saying things about people if she doesn't want to hear the same said about her.

I would have also called Jack's mum and said that Lily was upset by what was said and has learnt a good lesson, I'd also tell her that I was disappointed that a grown adult felt it necessary to respond in such a way to a 7 year old child.