Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

[Elsiebear90]

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

Was Jack in the garden with Lily and Adam when the comment was made. Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her
There is obviously a back story with Adam and Jack's DM's she probably felt now the DC are getting involved.

I wouldn't personally speak to a 7 y.o in that way.

No Jack wasn’t in the garden, his mum was getting something out the car according to Adam’s mum and no one realised she was there. Lily says she feels bad that Jack’s heard what she said as she didn’t want to upset her, but I don’t think it’s wrong for a child to say they don’t like someone and they think they’re unfriendly so don’t mind not spending time with them. There was nothing personal or malicious in what she said, she’s 7. I personally think it’s dangerous to be telling children (especially girls) it’s wrong to tell people they don’t like an adult, the only thing she did wrong imo was say it in front of the person, but she’s 7 and it’s a mistake that I’m sure she has learnt from.

Lilly learned 2 valuable lessons....Not to talk crap about people behind their backs because you never know who is listening and not a people think you are funny and cute when you are being rude and catty

@Leaannb

Lilly learned 2 valuable lessons....Not to talk crap about people behind their backs because you never know who is listening and not a people think you are funny and cute when you are being rude and catty

You have no idea what 'rude' and 'catty' mean if you think Lily was either of those in this scenario.

Lily says she feels bad that Jack’s heard what she said as she didn’t want to upset her, but I don’t think it’s wrong for a child to say they don’t like someone and they think they’re unfriendly so don’t mind not spending time with them. There was nothing personal or malicious in what she said, she’s 7. I personally think it’s dangerous to be telling children (especially girls) it’s wrong to tell people they don’t like an adult, the only thing she did wrong imo was say it in front of the person, but she’s 7 and it’s a mistake that I’m sure she has learnt from
I agree with you there.
I thought she might be aware the lady was there, we've all slipped up in situations and she is a child.
I hope Jack's DM makes her feel welcome or just forgets it.

this is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return. no I don't think your friend should have a word.*

Yup

I dont think I like Jack's mum either! I'd tell your daughter that the lady was very rude and that what she said turned out to be true. She wasn't friendly! If I'd heard a little child saying something like that I might have a chuckle or maybe say why not come over I'm not that scary really or something. Lashing out at a 7 year old you dont know is absurd.

You're allowed not to like people. And youre allowed to say so. She didn't call Jack's mum a c word in Tesco's, she was chatting privately to a friend.

Lilly learned 2 valuable lessons....Not to talk crap about people behind their backs because you never know who is listening and not a people think you are funny and cute when you are being rude and catty

Projecting much...

First off, she is 7 years old. There was no intention whatsoever to talk behind someone’s back. She was trying to reassure her friend as children and even adults do. Also, how is what she said crap and trying to be cute and funny? That is her experience and feelings from Jack’s mum and Jack’s mum only proved her right.

Added in the update from OP. Jack’s mum is unfriendly, childish, and ridiculously dramatic. The little girl had it right and to shut her down for expressing her experience and feelings which included no name-calling on her part is ridiculous.

I swear some of you posters are acting as if she was a mean girl teenager compared to a seven year old child.

Jack’s mum gave a poor, non-apology and then had a tantrum because she was reminded that she was unnecessarily mean to a child and was immature herself considering she is a grown woman. Also, Lilly didn’t mention anything about what was going on with her and Adam’s mum so she is taking her situation out on a little girl who likely knows very little about it.

@Leaannb

Lilly learned 2 valuable lessons....Not to talk crap about people behind their backs because you never know who is listening and not a people think you are funny and cute when you are being rude and catty

Rude and catty?

She's a 7 year old child who was having a private conversation with a friend and made a childish error (on account of being 7) of not realising Jack's Mum was there

She was neither rude nor catty

Rude & catty about a 7yr old? JFC!

She also wasn't talking crap!

She's hopefully learned that some adults are absolute tits & aren't worth getting upset about.

Much ado about nothing. If Lily were my daughter I would tell her to be more careful when giving opinions on people in future, and be trying to build up her resilience.

It was unfortunate that Lily was overheard but I certainly don't think she was bratty.

She said the parents are unfriendly and she'd rather not go there.

The parents ARE very unfriendly.

If Lilly was my child I would say that was unfortunate but the truth.

I love these parents that push their children out the door to go to the house of others and refuse to have children back.

Lilly needs to be told not to worry about it, and things happen.

She certainly isn't wrong to verbalise her feels of discomfort in Jack's house.

I wouldn't want my child in a house like that.

Well seems a lesson learnt for all, if you have nothing nice to say.....

It would have been bratty to say it to the neighbour's face but Lily is 7 years old and just spoke her mind not realising she was being overheard.

The neighbour was childish and unkind to tell a 7yo that she didn't like her.

smallestleaf
i don't think the child was rude
she was simply stating her feelings and experience

Yes she was. Tbh I am impressed by her ability to state clearly when she doesn't feel comfortable in someone else's presence and say that means she doesn't want to be in their presence. That should absolutely be supported to grow, not knocked out of her. Its especially important for girls who are often socialised into being 'kind' at expense to themselves.

Lily also has an excellent ability to read people's characters. She was dead right about Jack's mum.

Jack's mum is a ridiculous and childish individual. What a thing to say to a child. Of course Lily is upset, there is a huge power relationship going on here, as there is with all adults, and Lily, as a child, is on the powerless end of that. Frankly, any adult who responds like that to a young child is a bully.

Yes! All of this!

Honestly some of the comments here speaking so horribly about a 7 year old are shocking. The irony is lost on so many. No wonder so many kids do not speak up when they need to, especially girls. People should be ashamed of themselves speaking about a 7 year old in such a way.

All the names that a 7yr old girl is being called on here!

I hope she manages to continue to speak up when when doesn't think someone is friendly & doesn't feel comfortable with them.

Lily seems to be an excellent judge of character and Jack's mum seems to be incredibly immature and just a nasty piece of work. If anything Jack's mum just proved exactly how unfriendly she is and that Lily is correct.
Imagine being more immature than a 7 year old.

@diddl

All the names that a 7yr old girl is being called on here!

I hope she manages to continue to speak up when when doesn't think someone is friendly & doesn't feel comfortable with them.

Exactly this

“I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”

Rude?

The girl didn't know an adult was withing ear shot.

The ADULT addressing the child who wasn't even speaking to them was spiteful and rude and obviously embarrassed to hear the truth.

within

Sounds like Lily is a very rude child and hopefully this will have taught her that other people have feelings. Don’t understand the comments about “she didn’t start it, she’s only a child”. How is it ok for a child to be rude but their victim to be a horrible person for answering back? I suspect we have a Karen in the making if she’s being taught that it’s ok for her to hurt other people’s feelings but hers are sooo precious

Well, Lily wasn't wrong, was she?

"I suspect we have a Karen in the making"