to be concerned about the increasing sensitivity of our culture?

[CottonEyeJo]

I'm in a FB group for a moderately niche hobby. It's UK based, has about 5k members. The group is specifically about this hobby (a type of craft).

More and more people are posting "Off Topic" (OT) posts, which is pretty frustrating in its own right as if I wanted to read about people's washing machines, husbands, cat sick etc etc then I'd...well, I'd come on to AIBU!

But what's becoming really concerning, is the overuse of the term "Trigger Warning" (TW).

There is now a rule in the group, that if someone wishes to post about a "TW topic" they should post the title, and then put the rest in the comments - so that anyone who could be potentially "triggered" by the content, can safely avoid it.

Firstly - this seems like overkill to me, there's several topics that I avoid because I find them "triggering" upsetting or just plain irritating for various reasons, they reveal themselves in the first sentence or so of a post, so I just close and move on. A daily occurance on Mumsnet really

But more concerningly - it seems that EVERY topic is becoming a "trigger warning".

OT + TW - Make Up. I'll post in the comments

OT + TW - my Dog. I'll post in the comments

etc etc

Usually I'd laugh it off, but people are taking it so seriously - there was a post the other week about wedding dresses (also not related to the hobby) and someone went off on one in the comments about how they had just gone through a divorce, and the topic "triggered" them - AND THE POST WAS REMOVED!

We had one woman get really irate and flouncy because someone was talking about makeup - and the flouncer was vegan and very anti-make up, so reading a post about makeup triggered her anxiety and that was apparently the poor poster's fault - again, admin sided on the flouncer and the post was disabled.

It's just become a bit bonkers - the FB page has become more of a mental health forum (lots and lots and lots of posts about people's depression and anxiety etc etc) which may explain why it's a particularly sensitive space, but I'm seeing it elsewhere as well.

I personally feel that - by and large - a person's mental health (in regards to being "triggered" at least) should be, first and foremost, their own responsibility - and that the onus is on them to avoid topics should they find them unbearable, not for the rest of the population to moderate their language so that every possible trigger is omitted.

I'd also add that if just seeing a line about a stranger's dog dying, or wedding announcement or pregnancy is enough to set someone off in a mental health spiral - siginificant medical intervention should be in place and that person should be taking steps to avoid social media.

@PasstheBucket89

Erm, ASD is NOT a mental health condition its a neurological difference. some people showing their arses on here.

Back on topic,, i agree its like some people use it as a way of shutting people down not to make people more kind, like a power trip.

I have it. And I was diagnosed back in the '90s when people still weren't aware of it as much as they are now. Sorry for showing my arse but I'm honestly not sure how much of my behaviour is down to autism and how much is mental health problems (suicide attempts, self-harm, hearing voices in my head, having delusions about people etc.).

What I find really interesting is that once you have found an 'explanation' for your 'trauma' the process stops. Someone has been found to blame.

What about the person you are blaming though? If their behaviour has influenced your behaviour could not the same be said for them? That someone influenced their behaviour? So really, we are either all to blame or no one is to blame.

An acquaintance of mine complains about snowflakes a great deal. I actually consider her to be very snowflakes - cries over nothing, requires much attention. People see these things in other people but never themselves.

In terms of how would people cope in a war etc... I have PTSD and when my workplace was on fire and I had to evacuate customers I was fine with it. As I exist in a state of hyper alert expecting a disaster to strike, I am no different to usual when a problem actually occurs.

Yep. People also say they have anxiety issues when they simply dont want to do something. Theres always an excuse these days.

I'm not sure how I'd cope in a war because I've never lived through one. I wonder how many people on this site have.

I know someone who fucked up at work so badly, they would probably be fired. Purely their own fault as they left the task till last minute even though everyone knew it takes quite a while.

When she realised what happened she started crying and simply left (wtf) next day texted me that she isn't coming in because she has emergency GP appointment to get anxiety diagnosis and pills because she obviously have it otherwise she wouldn't be so anxious coming in today...

No mate. You fucked up because you had a party week and hangovers and now you are scared shitless that you will get fired. Like absolutely everyone would.

I haven't spoken to her since. I was the one picking up the pieces at work.

@PhilSwagielka

I'm not sure how I'd cope in a war because I've never lived through one. I wonder how many people on this site have.

I don't think anyone knows until it happens

A weird side effect of this is that you can post a genuine question about something that doesn't feel right, to ask for people's thoughts and advice, and be accused of oversensitivity. It's a weird over-response to these kinds of posts, or a strange set of rules of 'you can be triggered by x but if you want to censor xyz you're just wrong'. Had this in a parenting group on fb (it's always fb) where I asked a question about walking past someone's house, seeing porn on their TV from their living room window, and having my kid with me at the time. One v sensible person from a housing assoc. gave me some advice. The rest rained down on me like a deck of cards because I was anti sex worker (I'm not). I appreciated the TWs but ultimately found I needed to get my bum off facebook because I think just existing on there worsens mental health, TWs or not. That's the biggest takeaway I got from it all, to take responsibility for my own head.

@PhilSwagielka

I'm not sure how I'd cope in a war because I've never lived through one. I wonder how many people on this site have.

I lived in NI as a child during The Troubles - my Dad was in the British Army, and my ex H fought in The Gulf War while we were married. We were living in Germany so I remained there while he went with his unit. I also lived in Germany when soldiers and families were being targeted by the IRA. You just got used to it funnily enough.

All in all I think we all agree that all sides involved here have number of dicks. Over sensitive, over non sensitive, name calling, "victims", "winners". All have dicks in them.
Which in itself is fine, because what can one do. Problem arises when shutting down of conversations happens.

@YgritteSnow one of my friends is from Belfast and grew up in the Troubles and I got that impression from her as well. You just get used to it.

I'm not sure how I'd cope in a war because I've never lived through one. I wonder how many people on this site have

It's an interesting question about living through wars. On the one hand, PTSD (once called shell-shock) is obviously a completely known and well-documented condition. On the other, people have lived through appalling events, eg in the Blitz in WW2 etc etc, and many people did indeed 'cope' amazingly robustly, considering the dreadful things they went through.

But even if they spent the rest of their lives being 'triggered' by unexpected loud noises or planes flying overhead (as many thousands of people were, I'm sure) would there have been the expectation that everyone around them never mentioned the existence of planes or loud noises? The culture then was that you 'put up with it' - 'oh, Gran's having one of her turns, just ignore her, she'll be all right in a minute' kind of thing.

That's the difference. There would actually be some sense in having a TW about being bombed. Nowadays it seems there's a rush to validate every complaint about every tiny little thing - like the TWs about clutter or wedding dresses which the OP mentioned. It's a matter of degree and we seem to have lost the power of working out what's more important.

Interestingly, the vast majority of people I know who have lived through what even the most vehement anti snowflakes would regard as genuinely traumatic events- the Yugoslav wars, the dying days of Communism in Poland and the upheaval and poverty that followed, apartheid as a black child in a South African township- don't waste their time and energy whining about other people being too sensitive and getting upset about uses of phrases like 'triggered'. Generally, when I come across someone harrumphing about how people are over sensitive whiners who would fall apart if faced with real hardship, they're as unprepared for actual trauma as the people they're slagging off- probably even more so, as they are so convinced that they can handle anything.

@unmarkedbythat

To the contrary, all of my husband's relatives moan about snowflakes constantly and they grew up in a war/post war country.

I know plenty of NI people who do the same.

And once taught a Serbian woman whose favourite phrase was "English pussies".

@ElectiveAffinities

I'm not sure how I'd cope in a war because I've never lived through one. I wonder how many people on this site have

It's an interesting question about living through wars. On the one hand, PTSD (once called shell-shock) is obviously a completely known and well-documented condition. On the other, people have lived through appalling events, eg in the Blitz in WW2 etc etc, and many people did indeed 'cope' amazingly robustly, considering the dreadful things they went through.

But even if they spent the rest of their lives being 'triggered' by unexpected loud noises or planes flying overhead (as many thousands of people were, I'm sure) would there have been the expectation that everyone around them never mentioned the existence of planes or loud noises? The culture then was that you 'put up with it' - 'oh, Gran's having one of her turns, just ignore her, she'll be all right in a minute' kind of thing.

That's the difference. There would actually be some sense in having a TW about being bombed. Nowadays it seems there's a rush to validate every complaint about every tiny little thing - like the TWs about clutter or wedding dresses which the OP mentioned. It's a matter of degree and we seem to have lost the power of working out what's more important.

My point is that it's hard to say how I'd react to a situation that I've never been in. I might go to pieces and have a mental breakdown. I might somehow get through it. I can't imagine how I'd react in a situation like, say, Belfast during the Troubles or the bombing of the Gaza Strip because I've never experienced anything like it, I have no past experience to draw on.

Some vets are triggered by loud bangs, others aren't - I know in the US some vets have signs up asking people not to let off 4th July fireworks. Everyone manages trauma differently.

Yes I see your point Phil

I lived through the war as a small child in London. I remember sleeping in the Anderson shelter in the garden, and later in the Morrison shelter inside. Loud bangs don't bother me unduly. Actually I was more frightened of thunder than bombs. Hearing the Air Raid Siren or the All-Clear on radio or TV takes me back to those days.