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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

relationship

135 replies

Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 22:34

So my partner and I have been dating for a year and a half we've had a lovely relationship he's truly the man if my dreams.
He's got a son who is 4 with his ex which was a very bad relationship she is an absolute psychopath and I was told to stay away right from the start she's even filed false police accusations against him.

So shes found out that we're dating and has decided to damage my partners car and cause drama between us to the stage she was telling her son he's got a new mummy and daddy doesn't want his mummy .
Honestly I could go on she's been racist to me on several occasions and his son has said some things too .

I've always respected his got a son but she's now using him to damage our relationship, im now pregnant and im trying to make a safe drama free home.

I've told my partner i don't want anything to do with his child and mother , I expressed this to him before I got pregnant.
Its not to spite the child but its to protect the family we have especially now we have a child of colour on the way .

I've told him to make a choice between him reconnecting with his son after a while on his mother's conditions or this family he has

Am I being unreasonable ,any solutions or suggestions would be welcome.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:51

But it's not just about you and him. He has a child and his child should be a consideration in whatever you do. Hence why you are both incredibly selfish.

peachgreen · 21/08/2020 23:52

Christ I hope this is fake. Absolutely disgusting to expect him to abandon his son.

Sirzy · 21/08/2020 23:52

@Mango1p1

Waxonwaxoff0 We're not going to stop living our lives because someone else is unstable, enjoys damaging property
But you both happily leave a 4 year old living in such conditions!
CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2020 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Angelina82 · 21/08/2020 23:52

You sound as bad as his ex, and I think your partner needs to tie a knot in it and/or chose his women more carefully in future.

Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:53

How exactly ive literally caused no issues for anyone

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 21/08/2020 23:55

Is Jeremy Kyle back on?

What has your partner tried OP? has he applied to court for custody of the child? has he applied to the court for a non-molestation order? Has he reported every single instance of vandalism and violence to the police?

I don’t think either of you have done anything to secure a safe and secure home for your new baby really have you? In fact I think it’s friday night in the summer holidays and you’re bored.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:55

Caused no issues for anyone apart from the 4 year old child that you want to stop seeing his father because your own selfish wants come first. Hmm

Literally everyone on this thread has told you that you're in the wrong so that should tell you something.

LouiseTrees · 21/08/2020 23:57

@Mango1p1

Waxonwaxoff0 We're not going to stop living our lives because someone else is unstable, enjoys damaging property
No one is saying you stop living your lives in peace apart from when he meets the kid at a neutral location. I don’t know how to say this to you but what makes you think his ex will ignore you just because he doesn’t see his son. If anything she’ll be after you for money, poisoning that little child’s mind.
Pandacub7 · 21/08/2020 23:57

If you have evidence that she’s causing all these issues, then go to the police. It’s harassment. Also, 4 year olds are very very accepting and aren’t racist. It’s important that both children form a good relationship with each other and are treated equally.

takenbywine · 21/08/2020 23:59

@Mango1p1 look op, if there's harm to your dc by your partners psycho ex, then your partner will take action to protect his child with you. Just don't stand in between and be the one who initiates this though. He will do anything to protect your child if he sees any harm.

Happygogoat · 22/08/2020 00:00

@Mango1p1

How exactly ive literally caused no issues for anyone
Asking someone to stop seeing their 4 year old child is a HUGE ISSUE!!!!
Original poster
Mango1p1 · 22/08/2020 00:00

And that's meant to change my opinion i came to ask for decent advice not really some snarky comments.
Waxonwaxoff0

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 22/08/2020 00:01

This reply has been deleted

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Sirzy · 22/08/2020 00:02

@Mango1p1

And that's meant to change my opinion i came to ask for decent advice not really some snarky comments. Waxonwaxoff0
Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is real.

People have given advice. Go to the police and the father needs to fight for custody. But you ignore that to carry on your woe is me efforts instead.

Happygogoat · 22/08/2020 00:03

Must be worrying being pregnant with someone's child when apparently his existing child is living with a violent psychopath and you both just cite it as "drama" rather than taking the custodial and formal/legal steps to protect the child....

Sounds like a great Dad.

PegasusReturns · 22/08/2020 00:04

If this situation even vaguely exists I’m going to put my money on the ex not being a psycho....

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/08/2020 00:05

You're not after advice, if you were you wouldn't be ignoring what everyone is saying. No one is going to tell you it's OK to stop your partner from seeing his son.

Giraffey1 · 22/08/2020 00:07

You have asked for people’s views but you haven’t listened to what anyone is saying because they are not saying what you want them to.
You carry on sticking your fingers in your ears and singing lalalalalalalala. It won’t make the nonsense you are spouting any less shocking.

Original poster
Mango1p1 · 22/08/2020 00:07

If property damage and windows being put in police being constantly called is not psychopath behaviour i don't know what is

OP posts:
Original poster
Mango1p1 · 22/08/2020 00:09

We've agreed to create a safer more happier environment for our child , he's taking a step back just as a safety precaution for the new baby until the courts can do something about it , i wanted to speak to some fresh minds and understand where most of u are coming from

OP posts:
Leaannb · 22/08/2020 00:11

I can't imagine anyone being this big of a twat to ask if they are being unreasonable to have their partner walk away from a 4 yo child. You are going to find out exactly how it feels when his next girlfriend does the same to you. Children are not disposable.

CandyLeBonBon · 22/08/2020 00:11

Do you have proof op. In my experience, unless you have an admission from the perp, or crystal clear cctv/photographic evidence, you can't prove it was her.

Leaannb · 22/08/2020 00:12

@Mango1p1

We've agreed to create a safer more happier environment for our child , he's taking a step back just as a safety precaution for the new baby until the courts can do something about it , i wanted to speak to some fresh minds and understand where most of u are coming from
So you think by permanently damaging another child is ok?
Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/08/2020 00:12

And why isn't creating a safe happy environment for his 4 year old important?

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