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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

relationship

135 replies

Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 22:34

So my partner and I have been dating for a year and a half we've had a lovely relationship he's truly the man if my dreams.
He's got a son who is 4 with his ex which was a very bad relationship she is an absolute psychopath and I was told to stay away right from the start she's even filed false police accusations against him.

So shes found out that we're dating and has decided to damage my partners car and cause drama between us to the stage she was telling her son he's got a new mummy and daddy doesn't want his mummy .
Honestly I could go on she's been racist to me on several occasions and his son has said some things too .

I've always respected his got a son but she's now using him to damage our relationship, im now pregnant and im trying to make a safe drama free home.

I've told my partner i don't want anything to do with his child and mother , I expressed this to him before I got pregnant.
Its not to spite the child but its to protect the family we have especially now we have a child of colour on the way .

I've told him to make a choice between him reconnecting with his son after a while on his mother's conditions or this family he has

Am I being unreasonable ,any solutions or suggestions would be welcome.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 21/08/2020 22:59

Well I’ve just given you sound advice. You move. He picks another contact location and gives her that address and remains there when he has contact. You do without him that one or two days he needs to be there.

RubaDubMum89 · 21/08/2020 23:00

YABVVVU

You've absolutely no right to tell him to choose between his existing son and the child you're having. If you didn't want anything to do with his existing child you should of left him, before you got pregnant with his child.

What an absolute dick move OP. Honestly, it's disgusting. You say you've always respected the fact he has a child... Obviously not.

How would you feel if down the line you split up and his new partner gave him the same ultimatum? If it was your child being punished and excluded, abandoned at the whim of his new partner? Gross.

Give your head a wobble.

LouiseTrees · 21/08/2020 23:01

@Mango1p1

yet im the bad person I expressed this to him from the start he also had a choice to leave but no he proceeded to get a home with me and start a family
Did he actually verbally agree to stop seeing his son in the past then? Or did you take his silence as acceptance.
OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 23:01

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Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:02

I think you're not understanding really he can't see his son without any drama happening any where at all .
The car damage was outside a wacky warehouse

OP posts:
kazzer2867 · 21/08/2020 23:03

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:04

I can message you all the racuat messages and all that if you think im playing the race card. Love

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 21/08/2020 23:04

@Mango1p1

I think you're not understanding really he can't see his son without any drama happening any where at all . The car damage was outside a wacky warehouse
Well then he takes her to court or whatever. Like it’s not the child’s fault. He can take the bus or a taxi while it gets fixed. We’re you with him when the car got damaged?
Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 23:05

YABU to choose pregnancy with a man who didn’t have a calm relationship with his ex. Which is unfortunate for him if he loses out through no fault of his own... but a really foolish decision on your part. Why on earth did you think having a baby was a good idea here?

VeniceQueen2004 · 21/08/2020 23:06

You're a complete bloody idiot to have a child with this man in the first place. You are a spectacularly cruel and entitled idiot to walk into the middle of this car crash of a broken family, get pregnant and then decide that means you can blackmail your new partner to fuck off his 4yo.

The child is FOUR. You want his father to leave him entirely in the care of a woman who you call a "psychopath", who from your description is violent, criminal and emotionally unstable. Because he parrotted some of his mother's racist bile? He's FOUR.

You are absolutely selfish and incredibly callous. Unreasonable doesn't cover it.

KnackeredHag · 21/08/2020 23:06

Sorry but you are being vv unreasonable. It's his child, just like the baby you are carrying now. Imagine however long down the line if you split up and he met someone else. Imagine if the new gf made him chose between her and your baby. Imagine if he rejected your child and chose the new gf. This is the situation you are creating now. Think of his child. Please.

Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:07

I was at home at the time and had to drive down to him we asked for cctv and guess who we see we call the police and all they did was ask her to pay for the repair

OP posts:
VeniceQueen2004 · 21/08/2020 23:07

Also if she's so palpably bonkers why the hell hasn't he taken her to court for full custody?

Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:08

the man in this situation had a choice aswel so it's not just down to me aswel

OP posts:
FlumpetCrumpet · 21/08/2020 23:09

The car damage was outside a wacky warehouse

Excellent, there will likely be CCTV to prove your story then, not to mumsnet of course (it's obvious to all of us here that you are telling the truth) but to the police when you reported the string of racist and threatening incidents

Goawayquickly · 21/08/2020 23:10

What a load of bollocks. Amazing how many men are ok with psychos raising their kids.

Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 23:11

@Mango1p1

the man in this situation had a choice aswel so it's not just down to me aswel
If that was to me, about your foolish choice to get pregnant, then it makes you sound about 12.
Original poster
Mango1p1 · 21/08/2020 23:11

boy have we tried ive personally said the boy would be better off in our custody with his dad.
My problem here isn't the cgild it's what his mother causes for us.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:11

You chose to get pregnant when you already knew he had a child and a "psycho ex" so I have no sympathy for you. You're an idiot for getting pregnant with this man.

VeniceQueen2004 · 21/08/2020 23:11

Yes and if he were here asking "WIBU to sack off my child because his mother is a nutter and my new girlfriend is pregnant" I'd be telling him he was a knob as well. As it is there's just you.

But for fairness and clarity he is a rubbish parent. His previous relationship is clearly completely out of hand, he has a young child caught in the middle who be should be taking responsibility for and prioritising getting them into a safe, stable environment. Instead he's prioritised bedding and impregnating the hot off the press new girl who he's been with 5 minutes. So yes, he's made some bloody awful decisions as well.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:12

You sound way too immature to have a baby as well. I despair.

LouiseTrees · 21/08/2020 23:12

@Mango1p1

the man in this situation had a choice aswel so it's not just down to me aswel
Yep but you didn’t answer my question on whether he verbally agreed to stop seeing his child. Who when you started going out would’ve been just 2 years old!
Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 23:12

“Boy have we tried”
Has he?
The boy’s father?
Really?
Because if he was the type to really try, you’d already know there was no way he’d give up on his child for the one you’re carrying.

notintergalatic · 21/08/2020 23:13

Your protective instinct is to hide but I’m not sure it will help. She’ll accuse YOU of keeping a father from a son. She’ll rage. She’ll know where you are and even if you move, she’ll find you. It will continue.

If he’s the man of your dreams you can trust him to protect you. If he’s lovely he won’t abandon his son. Get a restraining order, insist visits with his child do not happen at your home (for now) and make damn sure those accusations she filed were false.

Nicknacky · 21/08/2020 23:13

So has your partner looked into residency if she is as unhinged as you make out?

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