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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to call someone at their place of work to ask them out?

121 replies

Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 20:53

Just that really.
Its a service I use every few weeks, have met and chatted a few times now.
Its his own business so I wouldn't have to call through a reception/office and there won't be other people around.
Is this a really creepy stalkery thing to do or should I just go for it?

OP posts:
Scruffymac · 21/08/2020 20:54

This is one of those context is everything type things. He walks your dog - YANBU v He's your therapist-- yabu

pinkcattydude · 21/08/2020 20:55

If you were male and they were female and unwanted it would be quite a problem.

Mummadeeze · 21/08/2020 20:56

We need way more info! Have you got the impression he is interested? Do you know he is single?

Rigamorph · 21/08/2020 20:58

Definitely more info needed. Any flirting? Do you know that he is single? Other signs of interest from him?

Rigamorph · 21/08/2020 20:58

Sorry @mummadeeze posted nearly exact same thing!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2020 20:59

Massively more context needed.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/08/2020 21:01

Initial thoughts are no, creepy but more info would help

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 21/08/2020 21:02

20 years or so ago it would have probably been seen as romantic. However, now it would be seen as creepy. As pp said, if this was a man calling a woman's workplace to ask her out then he'd be seen as a creepy perv

If you go in his workplace regularly, could you strike up conversation and then if you get the feeling he may be interested then hand him your phone number just as you're leaving?

Boom45 · 21/08/2020 21:03

I'd say unreasonable. Contacting someone at work could make the balance of power wrong - you dont want him to feel like he has to give you a particular answer (either a yes or a no) if that's not how he actually feels

Bwlch · 21/08/2020 21:03

Just do it. The worst he can say is "no".

"If you were male and they were female and unwanted it would be quite a problem."

Not a problem for me. If I'm not interested, I just say no. Or did, I'm happily married now.

PremiumMoaner · 21/08/2020 21:04

Is it a place of work you can pop into? Have a polite chat and then a casual invite out to have coffee? My grandad asked my nan out at her place of work...but it was a shop. Worked for them!

PoppySeedSaid · 21/08/2020 21:06

Why do you think calling someone in their workplace to ask them out isn't harassment?

Imagine what sort of names a man would be called if he tried to do the same thing?

YABU. You're better than this!

OhTheRoses · 21/08/2020 21:07

Crikey DH did 30 years or so ago. He remembered where I worked and found the number in Yellow Pages. I was incredibly flattered. Times have changed I suppose.

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 21:08

Hes not my therapist.
I know he's single, I know he doesnt want more kids and I did get the impression he is interested.
I am absolutely terrible at anything like this.
I saw him yesterday and was planning to give him my number there and then but then he asked me for it for track and trace and I panicked.
Of course he cant use my number unless I specifically invite him to.

OP posts:
BaconsLaw · 21/08/2020 21:09

Hair dresser?

flibbertmygibbert · 21/08/2020 21:09

Can’t you look him up on Facebook and send him a message on that?

Bwlch · 21/08/2020 21:10

Just do it!

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 21:13

I think finding him on facebook would be more creepy than calling his work that I went to yesterday.
I dont know.
Im so shit at anything like this.
We have talked about relationships and I think we are on the same wavelength, same age, I thought he was interested but I'm useless so who knows.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 21/08/2020 21:14

Surely phoning and asking just once wouldn't be harassment? I'd have never considered it to be the case.

If you or your workplace is an integral part of his business though it would still be inappropriate.

LetMeVent · 21/08/2020 21:15

I asked out my dentist. I fell for his dentist persona. He kept phoning me up to check I was ok and in one of those calls he said something like he was glad I was pain-free but sad he wouldn’t see me for a good while... so I asked him if he’d like to go for a drink. I don’t think I’d have called him up and asked him out.. but as he’d phoned me it seemed quite easily. Turned out to be an overgrown man child so we didn’t last a month.

SnakesOrLadders · 21/08/2020 21:16

Context op it really depends on the service type, his profession etc op weird one. My Dh is a gas engineer and has had women sending him msg after he’s serviced their boils ahem no pun intended. He’s very friendly in his nature so when women have msg him saying it was nice to meet you shall we go out for a drink he’s often confused bless him but that feels on a level iyswim but a doctor/therapist/ carer etc it would affect that relationship forever more.

OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 21:19

Someone did this to my DP last month. She hadn't even found out if he was single tbh and she had dropped hints about being single herself (he then informed her he wasn't when she asked him out). He didn't mind and said at least she wasn't afraid to go for it (to me, not her).

DP is very engaging and friendly to everyone. He isn't flirting in the slightest but I could easily see how women may think he is. I have to point this out to hìm as he has no idea, bless him. It's how we ended up together, I thought he was flirting and I liked him and did a bit of chasing. Turned out he did like me but there was no flirting going on, he was genuinely being friendly.

I don't think you have anything to lose tbh, especially as you do know he's single.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/08/2020 21:23

What if you called and he didn't remember you? Blush

I think you missed your opportunity this time round, you should have told them he can call you if he likes when you gave him your number.

I would probably wait until next time you're at his business and talk to him then.

roundandsideways · 21/08/2020 21:23

If you see him often, and you use his service regularly, it might get very awkward if he says no, or if you date a bit and split up. That's what would worry me. I see nothing wrong with contacting him on a number you already know and just ask him if he's free for coffee.

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 21:24

He's my sons barber.
I was planning to go back in with my number yesterday after putting my son in the car but then he took my number for track and trace.
I would have preferred to do it face to face but I panicked and of course he cant and wont use that number even if he wanted to.

OP posts: