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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to call someone at their place of work to ask them out?

121 replies

Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 20:53

Just that really.
Its a service I use every few weeks, have met and chatted a few times now.
Its his own business so I wouldn't have to call through a reception/office and there won't be other people around.
Is this a really creepy stalkery thing to do or should I just go for it?

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/08/2020 22:24

What’s the worst that can happen if you ask him out?

Well you might need to find a new barber for your son Wink

I culdn't ( apart from the fact I;m married) my DS barber has all his Hair Cutting Records ( Sheldon Cooper quote) so he couldn't find a new one Grin

FunnyItWorkedLastTime · 21/08/2020 22:25

What Isol said. Presumably there are other barbers your son could go to if it becomes awkward- it’s a nicely low stakes situation for both of you: if he was your son’s violin teacher for example it would be tricky.

GisAFag · 21/08/2020 22:29

He had a job to do. He needs repeat business, he's being friendly. If you met outside the barbers in a cafe and struck up conversation then that would be different.

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 22:47

My son doesnt play violin thank god.
Maybe he was just being friendly.
Like ive said im utterly shit at anything like this.
I don't take hints and struggle with anything too subtle.
He might not be interested but I am.

OP posts:
OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 22:56

@HollowTalk

I wouldn't. I think if he's interested he'll ask you.
Rubbish. Why should men always do the asking. And some are shy and won't go for it.
OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 22:58

Go for it OP. The worst that can happen is he will politely say no. The best is you get yourself a date. If you've been talking relationships and that neither of you want children, I'd say that's more than general polite chit chat.

Bwlch · 21/08/2020 23:32

Rubbish. Why should men always do the asking. And some are shy and won't go for it.

This. I had to hit my husband over the head with the proverbial frying pan before he took the hint. He wouldn't have asked otherwise.

MrsEricBana · 21/08/2020 23:46

Given that you go in with your son he may think you're attached. I think, as long as there's another barber you can go to if it goes horribly wrong (😳), then go for it. Worst case he's flattered but says no, best case 🤵👰😂

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/08/2020 23:49

I'd absolutely hate it if someone called my workplace to ask me out, I'd think it's overstepping boundaries so I'd say YABU on that basis.

Smallsteps88 · 21/08/2020 23:55

I say if you’re happy to find a new barber if he says no then go for it OP.

Although someone did this to me once and I was mortified because I did have colleagues, one of them actually took the call and handed it over to me and then all eyes were on me as I tried unsuccessfully to let him down gently. So embarrassing.

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 21/08/2020 23:55

He knows im single because it came up in conversation.
Seems like the consensus is go for it but face to face is better than calling the shop.
I need to get up early to mentally prepare myself for this Blush

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 22/08/2020 00:01

"What Isol said. Presumably there are other barbers your son could go to if it becomes awkward- it’s a nicely low stakes situation for both of you"

Surely that's exactly the reason it's not ok. Because what we might view as low stakes etc is actually putting him in a position where he has to second guess his answer as to how it will affect his business, and while one customer is not going to make or break his business, are these things judged on the principal of the matter or the extent of the damage.

I mean nobody would think "well if she says no and it gets awkward you just get a new secretary" because that's someone losing their job, but would we be fine with a man doing the same to his dog walker and if they said no then dropping their service because they don't want to deal with awkwardness and who gives a fuck about the woman losing business due to a situation they didn't ask to be put in

ASatisfyingThump · 22/08/2020 00:05

I had to hit my husband over the head with the proverbial frying pan before he took the hint. He wouldn't have asked otherwise.

Same here, he's hopeless at picking up hints. I'm about as subtle as a brick through a window and he still didn't realise I fancied him!

OP, I wouldn't phone him, but perhaps go in and talk to him face to face. The worst thing that can happen is he'll say no.

FunnyItWorkedLastTime · 22/08/2020 00:14

A dog walker only has a limited number of clients per week, so it would be a significant loss of income and hence a really tricky situation to put them in. A barber has far far more customers per week and will probably be charging less for a kid, so each one is not going to be a significant share of his turnover. That’s why it’s an acceptably low stakes situation on either side - especially if you express it as “here’s my number, and if you wanted to use it to invite me out, that would be fine with me”.

Original poster
Scoopstroop · 22/08/2020 00:23

Ive not got a dog or a dog walker.
If he text me and we decided not to go out or went out and decided not to take it further I would still take my son there if it wasnt too awkward.
The last guy that asked me out found me on facebook, exchanged messages and I let him down, I'd still use his business if i wanted or needed to.
I think I will go in tomorrow.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 22/08/2020 00:34

Go for it! Good luck.

Norma27 · 22/08/2020 07:39

I worked for a massive firm years ago and one day a barman from a bar I drank in called up the switchboard and got put through to ask me out. He must have got my surname from my card when I paid.
He was lovely, and I was very flattered. I had recently started seeing someone so I said no. Had I been single, I would definitely have said yes.

GreyishDays · 22/08/2020 07:44

Totally agree with the sunglasses idea. And then “give me a call if you find them, or if you fancy a coffee sometime/to tell me more about xxx thing that you talked about”

SnakesOrLadders · 22/08/2020 07:46

Yes I’m this situation op go for it :)
I’d used the lost sunglasses excuse too - time it right though Saturdays are ridiculously busy for barbers so later on better definitely avoid this morn and lunch

chubbyhotchoc · 22/08/2020 07:47

Yuck. I wouldn't. If he likes you he'd find a way to ask you out. He'll prob say yes whether he likes you are not though.

Enterthewolves · 22/08/2020 07:53

DO IT!

People are do bizarre, this isn’t creepy or stalkerish unless you make it odd. A simple call and a ‘I feel awkward but was wondering if you wanted to get a drink sometime’ is grand. My partner did exactly that and we have been together 18 years, very happy looking forward to the next 18. Everyone who hears the story thinks he was brave and it is sweet.

jackstini · 22/08/2020 08:03

Go for it
Agree face to face is better and sunglasses excuse is a good one
Just make sure the shop is quiet

Wecandothis99 · 22/08/2020 08:08

Def do it. Nothing to lose!!

MiddleClassProblem · 22/08/2020 08:12

Is DS elsewhere today?

abstractprojection · 22/08/2020 08:13

OMG this is not ok to do. You use his business and he’s nice to you, it’s called customer service! If it is more then that then he can ask you out.

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