My MIL keeps asking if we have had sex 🤢

[Tink2007]

Literally as in the title. I’m due our baby soon and she has asked three times in the last week if husband (her son) and I have had sex yet.

Now personally it creeps me out being asked that and makes sex the last thing I want to do and husband has told her it’s weird her asking to which she just laughed and said “you’re my son”. She has asked again today and it is just weirding me out.

She never asked with any of our other children 🤢

🤢
Gross
Has she got mental health issues?

@wilko123 I’m not kidding, I bloody would.

My MIL did something similar to me. She likes to be in control of everything and she hated the fact that I was nearly 2 weeks overdue as she couldn't obviously 'control' when the baby would come. We went to a family meal at a restaurant with her & other family members. She proceeded to ask me why I was there at the meal and not in hospital giving birth to her 1st grandchild! She went on to tell us that we should be at home having sex, trying to bring on the labour - this was in front of the family. The (FFS) look i gave her as i rolled my eyes was enough to shut her up - fortunately. Is your MIL quite controlling OP?

This might be a bit of a stretch, but depending on her age and outlook on life, she might be one of those women who sees sex purely as a functional activity that you only do to have babies and keep your husband happy, and not something that women actually enjoy or see as a special, private part of their relationship.

When it comes to childbirth, a lot of very personal info is often surprisingly given out freely - about perineal tearing, vaginal dilation etc - body parts that nobody would ever dream of openly discussing in normal, non-natal circumstances; so maybe she is genuinely just seeing it as a stage of giving birth rather than as a private intimate part of your marriage. Still odd she never asked previously, though.

"Yes, but not with your son"

I am quite aghast at anyone asking such a personal question! I also can't get over her asking more than once when your husband told her she was inappropriate.

I think you'll have to just be straight up and if she asks you again say 'that question makes me uncomfortable and is not appropriate. You've asked it a lot, don't ask again.' I think that's what I'd go for. If it pisses her off, so be it, she should apologise to you ideally.
I hope my MIL never goes down this route with me if we have DC number two 😂 she'll get short fucking shrift.

She proceeded to ask me why I was there at the meal and not in hospital giving birth to her 1st grandchild!

I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from giving her some extremely patronising basic lessons about the actual facts of when and how a baby is born and that it isn't just something you can schedule on your to-do list and then deal with and cross off at a convenient time. She'd either stay silent and look stupid or gainsay you by telling you that she has given birth before and does know how it works, in which case everybody else could remain silent and she would look even more stupid.

I can't see what you have to gain by responding at all- just ignore her and refuse to engage.

I think that would be it for me. No more MIL visits.

So inappropriate.

I would keep turning it around and ask her why she needs to know and why is it important to her.
Would she ask about your sec life if you weren’t pregnant?
I couldn’t believe how many people suddenly thought they were entitled to all kinds of personal information about my body once I got pregnant.

Or sex life even!

FFS stop with the dementia shit.

OP is close to term so she is asking it because she believes it is one of the things that may bring on labour - not just randomly popping round and enquiring whether they had sex last night.

Yes, it is weird and intrusive and she should be told to mind her own fucking business, but she most likely isn't asking it because she has dementia.

Next time she asks, put it back on her and ask her the last time she had sex!

Nooooooooooo, she might give an answer.

Brain bleach required 🤢

I've now got the thought that there's a pool going for when she will give birth and MIL's is coming to an end so she wants to encourage you to speed it up so she wins the bet 😂

Definitely creepy. I can see why people may presume dementia as it's previously unheard of and unashamed. I think my MIL, if she were ever that rude, would never dare ask me more than once as she knows when not to push me. I could imagine her constantly asking DH though. Although, in truth, I don't think she would ever ask or would even want to know. Time will tell.

I also think it's not the fact she thinks it will bring on labour, otherwise she could just say "sex apparently brings it on" she's actually asking for them to confirm to her 🤮

Mock shock and say “oh Dear, no we don’t do things like that”

This is quite common in women of a certain generation.

It is one of the 'old wives' tales like Raspberry Leaf Tea and is supposed to bring on labour.

Like the other poster, I don't find it weird or a sign of dementia. It is generational and possibly regional/class-based. It would embarrass me a bit with MIL, but not with my mother or close friends.

It is strange that you have other children and she hasn't mentioned it before, maybe she only just found out about it?

Next time she asks, put it back on her and ask her the last time she had sex!

Nooooooooooo, she might give an answer.

Is she ex military at all? "As it happens, the last time I had sex was 1957 and the time before that was 1951. Anyway, I'd better get going as it's already 20:36 and I haven't had my evening meal yet!"

I’d just say “Well unless this baby was the immaculate conception then yes I think it’s safe to assume we have had sex

Reply with "Actually, I had sex last night, but not with your son."

If she asks again tell her that you don’t like it when she asks you such a personal question and that you don’t want her to ask it you again. No clever or witty responses just a clear instruction to stop.

I definitely don’t think it is dementia though can see why it would be a thought seeing as this was never asked with our previous children.

A PP hit the nail on the head - it’s not so much the suggestion of sex can induce labour, it is more the outward asking if we have done it. Not just once but THREE times.

I’ve told husband to have a word with her again. His face was a picture but tough 🤣

Hi MIL.. please don;t take your coat off! Go on off you fuck we are just about to get down and dirty! No sorry no time to chat ..will call you soon as I am done and will tell you all about it...and then sit back have a cuppa a warm bath and feet up and wait for nature to take its course and forget to ring the silly cow!!! Best wishes sent OP and please remember its not you its her,its rude and uncouth.

Is she asking because she thinks it helps bring on labour?

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, my family and my dh’s family are quite open and will always make jokes/innuendos etc sex is a normal topic of conversation for us, I’ve discussed sex with my Mil and felt no embarrassment.

A lot of my family joked or said about having sex to help bring labour on, I didn’t find it weird at all but seems we are in the minority!

Tell her you're worried she has dementia as it is so fucking inappropriate of her to ask. If she doesn't have it, that will shut her right up!