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My MIL keeps asking if we have had sex 🤢
179

Tink2007 · 21/08/2020 14:16

Literally as in the title. I’m due our baby soon and she has asked three times in the last week if husband (her son) and I have had sex yet.

Now personally it creeps me out being asked that and makes sex the last thing I want to do and husband has told her it’s weird her asking to which she just laughed and said “you’re my son”. She has asked again today and it is just weirding me out.

She never asked with any of our other children 🤢

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 21/08/2020 14:59

@ClaraJude

I would DIE if my MIL ever asked me this. Not that she ever would, because she’s not a weird old bat.

Next time say ‘we did indeed, but sadly 6 consecutive orgasms thanks to your son’s incredible skill at cunnilingus followed by an hour of reverse cowgirl and a session on the sex swing doesn’t seem to have done the trick. We’re going to try doggy and a spot of pegging tonight, I’ll let you know afterwards how we get on.’

Please do this Grin
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TenDays · 21/08/2020 14:59

My standard reply to all impertinent questions is 'Well YOU'RE nosy, aincha?'

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thepeopleversuswork · 21/08/2020 14:59

I'm also wondering if it could be an early sign of dementia; that can lower inhibitions and people lose sense of what's appropriate.

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Staffy1 · 21/08/2020 15:01

@formerbabe

Genuine question...do you think she could perhaps have some form of dementia? Just seems odd that she never asked this before and has now started.

This was my first thought as well.
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M0mmzee · 21/08/2020 15:01

Hi,
The subject of the post worries me for two reasons:-

  1. Her newly found interest in your sex life when it’s out of the blue and she hasn’t done it before with any of your other children.
    and
  2. It’s none of her business, not appropriate and embarrassing for all involved.

    When my mother was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s (we didn’t know it at the the time) she started coming out with really personal and shocking statements and questions, sometimes in a public place but mostly at home.
    If it was me I would suggest your husband or both of you keep a log book of inappropriate conversations and try to notice if there is anything else going on with her that worries you. Look at her spacial awareness, her handwriting, drawing etc and just generally any odd behaviour that is out of character. Then it is easier to approach her Dr if you think her health should be investigated. Can she successfully entertain you for example, make a cup of tea and get the order right or a meal?

    As soon as I read your post and you said that she’d not done anything like that before it rang huge alarm bells.
    Hope this helps.
    It’s not easy, I know.
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PoppySeedSaid · 21/08/2020 15:02

she just laughed and said “you’re my son”.

Surely that's more of a reason not to ask!

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MountPheasant · 21/08/2020 15:04

I’m obviously weird because I would happily tell my mother/MIL the last time I had sex with hubs if they asked me. FIL no way, but doesn’t bother me with the women. Same goes for sisters and SIL, and thinking about it, two BIL’s but not the third.

Given everyone’s reactions here I’m now thinking I may be too indiscrete. Blush I thought for sure at least one person would say it was NBD!

This has definitely made me think!!

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M0mmzee · 21/08/2020 15:04

Sorry, something else. I would ignore the replies that ask you to give her clever, inappropriate answers. There is clearly something wrong. It sounds as if she is indeed ill.

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CathyNorth · 21/08/2020 15:06

That’s so weird

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nonevernotever · 21/08/2020 15:07

Not MIL but my DH's grandfather did ask me once if DH was good in bed. He had a strong polish accent too, so he had to ask three times before I realised what he was getting at, (I'm slow on the uptake at times...). I went bright red and was sitting there speechless when DH thankfully came back to the car so never answered.

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Ispini · 21/08/2020 15:07

Is FIL on the scene? If he is I would ask them both about their sex life while you are all in the same room. Just say you thought while you’re being asked personal questions about your sex life that it was an acceptable thing to do in your DHs family. If no FIL embarrass her on front of an aunt, cousin, BIL etc.
Whats good for the goose!

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User43210 · 21/08/2020 15:12

🤢🤢🤢 oh wow. This is actually awful. I think you just need to reply with "I think it's disgusting that you repeatedly ask about your child's sex life. Please no longer try to discuss this with me as it is nobody's,especially not your, business"

She can't complain about you as it's plain she's wrong, why would anyone want to know that?! And also using a word like disgusting,l or vulgar might be emotive enough for her to double check herself.

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Wilko312 · 21/08/2020 15:13

@JammyHands

I’d tell her ‘mind your own fucking business you old pervert.’

Made me chuckle. Can you imagine!
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WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/08/2020 15:15

"I'm really sorry, Mavis - I know how much you just love being a grandma, but it's far too late to turn it into twins now."

I've heard of mums of teenage lads putting in a bit of a word with the mum of the girl next door whom he fancies and wants to take to the school disco, but this is so many notches above that.

Unless he's put her up to it - struggles to understand why his wife, who is almost about to give birth, isn't especially in the mood for night cuddles at the moment, and his dear old Mamma has said "You leave this to me, my boy - I'll see what I can do!"

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dwiz8 · 21/08/2020 15:16

Eh I don't think this is that bad

No different to people being asked if they've had a hot curry or any of the other old wives solutions for bringing on labour

My nan asked me constantly when I was overdue about how much sex we were having to get the baby out. No biggy and since we are all adults we didn't cringe about it

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Tink2007 · 21/08/2020 15:17

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

"I'm really sorry, Mavis - I know how much you just love being a grandma, but it's far too late to turn it into twins now."

I've heard of mums of teenage lads putting in a bit of a word with the mum of the girl next door whom he fancies and wants to take to the school disco, but this is so many notches above that.

Unless he's put her up to it - struggles to understand why his wife, who is almost about to give birth, isn't especially in the mood for night cuddles at the moment, and his dear old Mamma has said "You leave this to me, my boy - I'll see what I can do!"

No, not at all. He is equally as weirded out by it. He wouldn’t dream of discussing our sex life with her.
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TheVanguardSix · 21/08/2020 15:19

Seriously, I can smell the frontotemporal dementia from here. That's what it sounds like to me.

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Devlesko · 21/08/2020 15:20

Tell her to mind her own business, if she asks again. "This is the third time you've asked and you sound weird".
I'd keep her at arms length a bit, tbh.

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Nanny0gg · 21/08/2020 15:21

@dwiz8

Eh I don't think this is that bad

No different to people being asked if they've had a hot curry or any of the other old wives solutions for bringing on labour

My nan asked me constantly when I was overdue about how much sex we were having to get the baby out. No biggy and since we are all adults we didn't cringe about it

What's being 'adults' got to do with anything?

Not that many adults like discussing their sex life with members of their family.
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ClaraJude · 21/08/2020 15:21

No different to people being asked if they've had a hot curry or any of the other old wives solutions for bringing on labour

See for me the fairly fundamental difference is that I’d happily sit at the table with my mum and dad and share a curry with them, but can’t say the same about having a shag. There is a very good reason why the latter is not considered a family activity...

My nan asked me constantly when I was overdue about how much sex we were having to get the baby out. No biggy and since we are all adults we didn't cringe about it

I’m cringing hard enough to make up for that

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EwwSprouts · 21/08/2020 15:22

I would raise my eyebrow and give no response whatsoever. None of her business and intrusive to ask.

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WingingIt101 · 21/08/2020 15:23

Sorry OP but this is making me howl with laughter. The replies are golden.

You have my sympathies as she’s so brazenly inappropriate!

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HannahStern · 21/08/2020 15:29

Dementia can present itself at any age. If this is unusual behaviour for her, frontotemporal dementia is a possibility.

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WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/08/2020 15:29

Glad your DH is on your side, OP. Sorry for my mischievous little suggestion, it wasn't really meant too seriously Grin

It might be worth testing the water wrt possible dementia, if there's somebody outside of the family close enough to understand/confide in (and pre-warn) but not close enough to (normally) mention things like that it in front of (IYSWIM).

If you could engineer a situation where they're present with the two of you and casually mention that she's been on at you about your sex life with her son, see if she's deeply embarrassed at you bringing it up in front of the neighbour/colleague/vicar etc.

If she's mortified, that should serve as a wake-up call to her and stop her in her tracks completely.

If she isn't in the least embarrassed - or even tries to persist and complain that you're both avoiding telling her all about it and that's why she has no choice but to keep on asking - it might be worth looking into pursuing a diagnosis.

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AntsInPenzance · 21/08/2020 15:31

@Winterwoollies

My FIL asks stupid shit like this, but only to me and only when MIL and my H can’t hear. He’s quite predatory and I think enjoys making me uncomfortable. We do not get on. He’s said and asked some appalling things in the past. Ugh. Fucking weirdos, the lot of them.

Have your phone voice recorder at the ready and play it back to your husband and MiL with him present. Shame the creep.
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