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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To completely refuse my neighbour’s excuse about autistic child swearing at my children?

113 replies

SpicyEnchiladas · 20/08/2020 23:12

A bit of background about these neighbours. They’re a massive family living together but no one knows who’s who. They come to this property during school holidays only despite living in the same town. Every single bloody time they cause so much noise during the day and night but we suck it up and wait for the school holidays to finish. Now they’ve been here since lockdown and I think we’ve reached the end of our tether.

The screaming is unbelievable! Everyone is shouting. They don’t talk, they shout. I can’t keep count of how many sleepless nights we had because of them. Too many family gatherings giving the middle finger to the lockdown rules. Kids still awake and running at 2 am.

This afternoon my child was playing in the garden then came to me saying the neighbour’s child is telling him to F off and using the middle finger at him! I went out and found that it was three of them not just one. No idea if they’re siblings, cousins .. no idea. They were still using the middle finger. One of them didn’t see me then shouted at my child “I will kill you and kill your mum”. I then told him to call his mum or any adult around so I can speak to them but they obviously ran away and closed their windows.

I went out and knocked on the door and was met with a group of children ranging between 5-12 all laughing and thinking it’s funny. I asked to see an adult then a teen girl came out to say that there’s no one at home. I was extremely polite with her as she looked nice and apologised for what the boy did. I asked if she can ask the parents to knock on my door once they’re back as I would like to discuss what happened and the problem of noise in general. No one came as I expected.

Come 10 o’clock and you’d think it’s Rio de Janeiro’s festival next door! The house is full of family from different households and children swearing, kicking walls, banging each other. I knocked on their door but this time it’s the auntie telling me she’ll let the kids know they’ve been “loud”. I insisted on seeing the parent or at least someone who actually lives here, then the mum of the child came out. No apology or anything. The first thing she said is “ my child is autistic and the school knows about it”. I said to her that autism isn’t an excuse for using foul language and threatening to kill other children. Btw the boy looks around 10 years old. She completely refused to listen to me and then carried on saying that I’m inconsiderate because I don’t understand that he’s got special needs. Her son and other probably 7 children behind her were swearing at the background and laughing out loud. Not a single reaction from the mum or the aunties!

I forgot to say that I was quite angry this afternoon because my 8 year old was really affected and he told me while we were having dinner that he doesn’t want anyone to kill me!

Please tell me what should I do with them now? They’re carrying on with their gathering and terribly loud noise as if nothing has been said just half an hour ago.

OP posts:
Onacleardayyoucansee · 20/08/2020 23:19

You are not going to get any resolution with them.
You think it's not OK but it sounds like it's just ordinary life for them.

Tell your child they are being silly and not to worry.
You fretting might worry your child.

My neighbours are a bit like this and I try and live and let live.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 20/08/2020 23:25

BTW, tell your child the neighbours are being silly, not your child, sorry about that I should clarify.

Shizzlestix · 20/08/2020 23:36

Social Services.

SpicyEnchiladas · 20/08/2020 23:40

@Onacleardayyoucansee The problem is they’re really really affecting our quality of life. I don’t think that we should put up with their awful behaviour just because it’s ordinary for them! We ignored it in the past because we used to get out a lot, holidays, children activities ...etc so we put up with them for the rest of the day and just pray for the holidays to finish sooner. Now that we’re mostly home and my DCs are growing it’s hard to ignore it. There is definitely something that should be done when in last week alone my son woke up twice at 2am because his sleep was broken because of their screaming!

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 20/08/2020 23:45

Council for the noise nuisance.
Police if it’s late at night.

Lynseylou1 · 20/08/2020 23:45

Is the house rented? If so complain to the housing association or landlord. Also make a complaint to the local council due to the anti social behaviour. if you feel threatened then contact the police or social services if you feel the children are not being taken care of properly or are at risk.

Gobbycop · 20/08/2020 23:47

I'd probably move.

They sound like a typical shite bag family that don't give a fuck about anyone.
They'll never change and you'll never be able to reason with them.

They're everywhere.

formerbabe · 20/08/2020 23:49

Sounds hideous. You're wasting your breath imo trying to reason with people like that.

HollowTalk · 20/08/2020 23:54

Do they own the property or rent it for the holidays? Is it empty otherwise? If they have a landlord I would complain to them, but I'd also call the police at every opportunity if they're breaking the law in some way. They sound horrendous.

Freddiefox · 21/08/2020 00:02

@Gobbycop

I'd probably move.

They sound like a typical shite bag family that don't give a fuck about anyone.
They'll never change and you'll never be able to reason with them.

They're everywhere.

This, move. It won’t change
TitsOutForHarambe · 21/08/2020 00:05

If they are loud then call the police. If they make another threat then call the police. If they appear to be having a huge party during lock down then call the police.

If it all comes to nothing and you can't take it anymore... move. They will never listen to reason from you.

CKL987 · 21/08/2020 00:07

If you think there is more than two households in there then you can report them for breaking the rules.

SpicyEnchiladas · 21/08/2020 00:07

They own the property. It’s not empty during school weeks there are only about 2 couples but no children around. Come the school holidays then you’ve got all the family spending time together with their children. Every time I see someone new, I’m unable to keep track of them. The immigration officers visited last year and asked all the neighbours about the residents in that property but no one was able to answer because we really don’t know. It’s a 10 bedrooms house (2 houses bought together + loft extension).

We can’t move out as we’ve moved in just over 2 years ago. It’s our first property and we spent a big deal of time, money and effort on it. It breaks my heart as I’ve always had amazing neighbours in the past and I’m not used to tensions and stupid fights.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2020 00:08

Why haven't you reported the noise nuisance before now?

SpicyEnchiladas · 21/08/2020 00:12

I have reported the gathering online. According to the papers the police receive thousands of reports weekly. I doubt anything will be done to stop them at all.

OP posts:
blue25 · 21/08/2020 00:13

Make a plan to move even if it’s a while in the future. You can’t live your life like this. It will make you ill. Start saving now.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 21/08/2020 00:15

If you own it then reporting it will have to be declared when you move so either you sell it and don't report, you report and declare it and sell cheap or you do report and see it through and then sell once it's resolved

SpicyEnchiladas · 21/08/2020 00:15

@SleepingStandingUp Because I didn’t want to start stupid fights when I know that they will be going away very soon. But now I will be reporting them. I’ve had enough. If we were to have another lockdown and they would stay in this house, we would be literally f*ed!

OP posts:
SpicyEnchiladas · 21/08/2020 00:17

@PastMyBestBeforeDate oh my word! I never knew about that.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2020 00:18

[quote SpicyEnchiladas]**@SleepingStandingUp* Because I didn’t want to start stupid fights when I know that they will be going away very soon. But now I will be reporting them. I’ve had enough. If we were to have another lockdown and they would stay in this house, we would be literally f**ed![/quote]
Bit horse and stable door though isn't it a week before schools go back. I'd make an initial report bit they'll need kids etc so can you write it backwrds from memory? Keep copies and then complain AGAIN half term?

Can you talk to the couple's who live there term time calmly?

apapuchi · 21/08/2020 00:28

As a mother to an autistic child who does make noise and probably disturb neighbours at times, this makes me so sad. His noises are involuntary and with no malice or direction. This would make me so angry that autism is being used as an excuse for anti-social behaviour for a whole family of (what sounds like) awful people.

If you have already complained then it's there as fact if you wanted to move, so you may as well move forward full throttle trying to get them out. Or do they own? Sorry I haven't seen if they are tenants or owners.

So sorry for you OP, and I feel for you.

Lindtballsrock · 21/08/2020 00:59

I would move too. They aren’t going anywhere and their behaviour is unlikely to change much. It’s shit but realistically this problem isn’t going to go away.

DDemelza · 21/08/2020 01:01

You swore in your first paragraph. Why do you hold a stressed-out child with special needs to a higher standard than you hold yourself?

Chloemol · 21/08/2020 01:03

As others have said. Council for noise to start with, then if late at night the police

Keep a diary, start now with what happened today, get as much evidence as you can about the noise, record it from inside your house. Then present the information to the council

If you dont think the kids are well looked after then go to social services

Chloemol · 21/08/2020 01:07

@DDemelza

Did you actually read the post? It’s three kids in the garden, not one , not all three have supposed special needs. And where does she say the kid was stressed out!

The op is stressed out with all the noise etc, not just from the one child that is supposed to have special needs but the whole lot of them , and to be frank it sounds horrible

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