To completely refuse my neighbour’s excuse about autistic child swearing at my children?

[SpicyEnchiladas]

A bit of background about these neighbours. They’re a massive family living together but no one knows who’s who. They come to this property during school holidays only despite living in the same town. Every single bloody time they cause so much noise during the day and night but we suck it up and wait for the school holidays to finish. Now they’ve been here since lockdown and I think we’ve reached the end of our tether.

The screaming is unbelievable! Everyone is shouting. They don’t talk, they shout. I can’t keep count of how many sleepless nights we had because of them. Too many family gatherings giving the middle finger to the lockdown rules. Kids still awake and running at 2 am.

This afternoon my child was playing in the garden then came to me saying the neighbour’s child is telling him to F off and using the middle finger at him! I went out and found that it was three of them not just one. No idea if they’re siblings, cousins .. no idea. They were still using the middle finger. One of them didn’t see me then shouted at my child “I will kill you and kill your mum”. I then told him to call his mum or any adult around so I can speak to them but they obviously ran away and closed their windows.

I went out and knocked on the door and was met with a group of children ranging between 5-12 all laughing and thinking it’s funny. I asked to see an adult then a teen girl came out to say that there’s no one at home. I was extremely polite with her as she looked nice and apologised for what the boy did. I asked if she can ask the parents to knock on my door once they’re back as I would like to discuss what happened and the problem of noise in general. No one came as I expected.

Come 10 o’clock and you’d think it’s Rio de Janeiro’s festival next door! The house is full of family from different households and children swearing, kicking walls, banging each other. I knocked on their door but this time it’s the auntie telling me she’ll let the kids know they’ve been “loud”. I insisted on seeing the parent or at least someone who actually lives here, then the mum of the child came out. No apology or anything. The first thing she said is “ my child is autistic and the school knows about it”. I said to her that autism isn’t an excuse for using foul language and threatening to kill other children. Btw the boy looks around 10 years old. She completely refused to listen to me and then carried on saying that I’m inconsiderate because I don’t understand that he’s got special needs. Her son and other probably 7 children behind her were swearing at the background and laughing out loud. Not a single reaction from the mum or the aunties!

I forgot to say that I was quite angry this afternoon because my 8 year old was really affected and he told me while we were having dinner that he doesn’t want anyone to kill me!

Please tell me what should I do with them now? They’re carrying on with their gathering and terribly loud noise as if nothing has been said just half an hour ago.

Tell them you will contact Childrens Services 'Children with Disabilities Team' and to let them know that a child with autism is being left in the care of other children with behavioural problems - then move house.

@DDemelza

You swore in your first paragraph. Why do you hold a stressed-out child with special needs to a higher standard than you hold yourself?

Hahahaha.

Writing “bloody” in a post on a forum is hardly the same as telling a child to fuck off, giving them the finger and threatening to kill their Mum.

Do jog on @DDemelza.

Yeah, I read the post... another predictable autism-bashing thread on MN. How my heart sang.

I cannot be bothered to reply to your implication that the only thing more stressful than being near a child with SEN is being near several children with SEN.

@cheetasonfajitas , the trouble with posting on a public forum is that you can't prevent other people from questioning you, any more than you can prevent young children with SEN from vocalising and stimming in their own garden.

I was querying why your goady thread title focused on the swearing. Don't kid yourself that your precious child hasn't heard every word under the sun.

The death threat should be laughed off so as not to foster anxiety in your child, as others have said

@DDemelza

Yeah, I read the post... another predictable autism-bashing thread on MN. How my heart sang.

I cannot be bothered to reply to your implication that the only thing more stressful than being near a child with SEN is being near several children with SEN.

What kind of carers would be responsible for leaving a child with autism in the care of children with behavioural problems without any adult supervision?

[quote DDemelza]@cheetasonfajitas , the trouble with posting on a public forum is that you can't prevent other people from questioning you, any more than you can prevent young children with SEN from vocalising and stimming in their own garden.

I was querying why your goady thread title focused on the swearing. Don't kid yourself that your precious child hasn't heard every word under the sun.

The death threat should be laughed off so as not to foster anxiety in your child, as others have said[/quote]
I am not the OP @DDemelza.

The 'death threat' could be laughed off, but that doesn't really help OP when her neighbours are running a party holiday hotel next door for extended family and friends. It sounds completely miserable for you OP, and other than pps advice to sell, I really don't know what you can do? It sounds like they probably wouldn't even listen to the police if you did report it, and you'd be public enemy number one! Do you even know which person owns the house? The mum who spoke to you clearly doesn't, and doubtfully gives two fucks as it's not her 'problem' your upset.

@cheetasonfajitas Ah, you were just whiteknighting for the OP? Whatever floats your boat.

Goady thread.

For the feral family. Police, council, repeatedly.

@DDemelza

Yeah, I read the post... another predictable autism-bashing thread on MN. How my heart sang.

I cannot be bothered to reply to your implication that the only thing more stressful than being near a child with SEN is being near several children with SEN.

She didn't say that, she said there were other children with the autistic child who were swearing and being abusive. If it was just one child there would not be the level of disruption and no doubt the op would not be complaining. Nobody is going to complain about a child who cannot help their behaviour.

I suggest keep phoning the Environmental Health department until they issue a noise nuisance AND the police. Don't give up until something is done.. I doubt you will be the only one, other neighbours must be inconvenienced.

It sounds like a very odd set up, I've never come across anything quite like it. Children moving in during the holidays only into an owner occupied ten bed house is unusual to say the least. Nobody should be making noise, waking people at 2am.

Moving house would be ideal but that is not easy and the op has said she and husband have put a lot of time, effort and money into their house - why should they move just because neighbours are so inconsiderate? 'Feral family' sounds like an apt description.

Lockdown has obviously exacerbated the problem but it is nearly over which will be something of a relief - until the next hols.

Get on that 'phone, write letters, contact your MP and the local paper if necessary.

People like your neighbours are not going to think they should rein in their behaviour if they are contacted by any official bodies.
They are more likely to be affronted at any perceived criticism and crank up the anti social behaviour and target it at you.

In your shoes, I'd say nothing and move.

I know it's not fair, or moral or anything like life should be, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.

@DDemelza I see your points.

@ OP, you did get an apology from the young girl who answered the door.
You wanted to discuss it further with the family who have then clarified, their child has SEN and it seems they have done all they are going to do regarding your complaint.

You want this family/families to adopt your standards of conduct, which clearly they don't have.
There is no way you are going to get them to see things as you do
They may see you as interfering.

I notice in the language of your OP you say no one knows if the children are siblings or how they are related, what you mean is, you don't know.
I'm sure they do.

If you believe you have had a death threat, phone 999.
If you believe it's children acting out then you have taken the right course of action by knocking and leave it there.

If the noise is outside of acceptable hours/volume then go to the appropriate authorities.

It's hard I know, like I say, my neighbours are similar, we have had all sorts on our estate but the only thing I can change is me.
I like to believe people are doing their best.
That gives me peace inside, even if they are shouting their heads off outside.

You could use this as an opportunity to teach your son about how different people live and what's right for them.
How you are happy that you are quieter.
How you are careful with the words you choose and that makes you feel better.

Don't let them ruin your world even more than the already do by giving them your inner world too.

[quote Onacleardayyoucansee]@DDemelza I see your points.

@ OP, you did get an apology from the young girl who answered the door.
You wanted to discuss it further with the family who have then clarified, their child has SEN and it seems they have done all they are going to do regarding your complaint.

You want this family/families to adopt your standards of conduct, which clearly they don't have.
There is no way you are going to get them to see things as you do
They may see you as interfering.

I notice in the language of your OP you say no one knows if the children are siblings or how they are related, what you mean is, you don't know.
I'm sure they do.

If you believe you have had a death threat, phone 999.
If you believe it's children acting out then you have taken the right course of action by knocking and leave it there.

If the noise is outside of acceptable hours/volume then go to the appropriate authorities.

It's hard I know, like I say, my neighbours are similar, we have had all sorts on our estate but the only thing I can change is me.
I like to believe people are doing their best.
That gives me peace inside, even if they are shouting their heads off outside.

You could use this as an opportunity to teach your son about how different people live and what's right for them.
How you are happy that you are quieter.
How you are careful with the words you choose and that makes you feel better.

Don't let them ruin your world even more than the already do by giving them your inner world too.[/quote]
How bloody dare you be the voice of reason 😂 it was just ramping up

do you know for certain that the child is sen or is this the 'mothers' excuse ?
i'd have the autorities all over them like a rash tbh, contrary to popular belief, moving isn't that simple and can cost a lot of money but then again, if you have a few grand shoved down the back of the sofa, then go for it.

i really hope this isn't real because if it is it's an horrendous situation to be in.

@SmellsLikeFeet It's the voice of bitter experience

Just because a parent in this situation says a child has SN doesn’t mean they do. Unfortunately it does happen that parents use this line to give their children a get-out from vile behaviour, which unfortunately then reflects badly on children who actually do have SN.

Any responsible parent would have apologised and then stated that the child had autism, not gone off on one and left said autistic child to run riot with a load of other children.

OP, I would call social services. IF this child genuinely is autistic then he will be known to them, and I would perhaps raise concerns that the family are in need of some help with regard to the child as it is clear they’re struggling.

That way if the child has SN the authorities will hopefully be in touch with the family, and if he doesn’t then the family will be under SS’ radar for other reasons....

@DDemelza

You swore in your first paragraph. Why do you hold a stressed-out child with special needs to a higher standard than you hold yourself?

That is harsh. This is an adult audience, everyone over 18. The op’s child shouldn’t be subjected to death threats and swearing just because the op’s post has colourful language. It seems like you are missing the point, the op has just bought her first house and is miserable with the noise and the neighbours’ behaviour. She is perfectly entitled to swear when expressing herself to adults

I'd be doing an SS report. The family sounds dysfunctional as fuck.

I am sorry this is happening. I would move. I doubt the council or police will do anything and your neighbours do not care about the consequences of their actions. Funny how people like this get all defensive when pulled up on unreasonable behaviour

You need to move as they won’t change.

You are focusing on the wrong thing here. The child having autism ( and some children with autism do come out with inappropriate language and behaviour sometimes having been copied and then used a lot) is not really the issue. The general nuisance next door is.

@DDemelza

Yeah, I read the post... another predictable autism-bashing thread on MN. How my heart sang.

I cannot be bothered to reply to your implication that the only thing more stressful than being near a child with SEN is being near several children with SEN.

I'm not sure how you interpreted the thread like the form what op wrote?

There are a number of issues at play here.

Firstly - noise nuisance which is environmental health and council

Secondly - threats to kill. This is illegal and anyone over the age of 10 has criminal responsibility.

But poster who said any disputes must be declared if you live is right.

I think the autism is a red herring. There's about 7/8 kids all doing the same thing. 1 is autistic.

My child is autistic. I would not be allowing him to make threats to kill. And if he did I'd be doing by best to stop the behaviour.

It sounds like all the children need more close supervision.

Start a log with the council for noise nuisance. My friend did this with a particularly foul group of students and they got visited by a group from the council and the local police and were threatened with an ASBO if they didn’t stop. It worked for them.