To ask if you’ve ever been off sick with stress?

[Goldenamber]

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Have you ever been off sick with stress and if so, how did you know you had reached the point where you needed that time off and how long were you off for?

I never thought this would happen but I think I’m at breaking point

Yes, I ended up unconscious. I had to have 3 months off. I had worked myself into the ground in every area of my life. Please take care and take time off now before you end up with a more serious manifestation.

CherryPavlova
Witchend I think it’s because I’ve been through incredibly challenging times throughout my life and dealt with it, that I know what I can do something about and accept that which I can’t. I rather suspect that it is not what you face but how you face it.
Managing stressful situations doesn’t mean you haven’t faced stressful situations. It means you acknowledge, deal with it and move on.

But that was exactly my point. You haven't reached your breaking point, it's not that you have managed better, you haven't been there.
I have been through incredibly stressful times. When I have felt it's too bad, and times that really were incredibly difficult. They felt difficult, but I never felt I was struggling to keep my head above water.
But it was nothing compared to last January. But if I wrote it down, people would probably ask why this situation was worse than the others. On paper it wouldn't seem that bad, and I had a lot of support at work.
But for some reason it effected me very badly. I could never have imagined feeling like that until it happened. The fact you haven't is not down to your resilience or inner strength. It's because that event that brings you to your knees hasn't happened.

You are right in that some people do give in easier than others. That can be because of something in their past, their personality or something else.
But giving in isn't always a sign of weakness. Sometimes it can be a sign of strength, a sign that inside you are strong enough to admit you need help, put your pride to one side and admit that you need others to help you.
That can be too hard for some people, especially if you pride yourself on never giving way.

It's because that event that brings you to your knees hasn't happened.

Perfectly put.

I haven’t Op but wish i had. I was very unwell and genuinely thought it was medical but in hindsight I can now see it was stress- lack of sleep, palpitations, exhaustion. I got another job and my symptoms disappeared so that’s when. I knew it was stress.
In my current job I was bullied by someone from another agency and belittled in front of everyone. I felt horrendous and a month later got a stomach bug which resulted in horrific ibs. I’m very careful to make myself a priority now and to recognise stress.
If you need to go off, go. I know most of my colleagues have had periods off work with stress or poor mental health. It’s not frowned upon or judged now I don’t think

@CherryPavlova

Witchend I think it’s because I’ve been through incredibly challenging times throughout my life and dealt with it, that I know what I can do something about and accept that which I can’t. I rather suspect that it is not what you face but how you face it. Managing stressful situations doesn’t mean you haven’t faced stressful situations. It means you acknowledge, deal with it and move on.

I really hope no one you love ever comes to you for advice. This is a horrendous attitude.

Absolutely agree with you Witchend. I have got through some experiences that "on paper" would seem much worse than the workplace bullying that tipped me over the edge. I've had experiences that I won't write about because a) they are so bizarre that they would make me very easily identifiable and b)people wouldn't believe me anyway, and have walked away relatively unscathed, but the treatment I got at work at that time nearly broke me permanently. Sometimes its the particular nature of the stress, the timing, what else is going on in someone's life at the time, who they have (or don't) for support, how their physical health is at the time etc etc. The fact that someone else has breezed through "worse" experiences is of absolutely no relevance.

6 weeks off, things had got so bad. Consistently bullied by headteacher. He was politically encouraged to leave during that time (school in special measures not because of me). Came back for a bit and treated better by new head but pregnant within a few months - not a good reason to quit but I'm sure I'm not the first. Never returned to teaching.

I have. It was one particular manager that just drove me over the edge...I was off for less than 2 weeks.... but I should have taken longer.

I was having palpitations... this manager was clueless and it's because my own manager was away that he was in my business.

I honestly don't know how those in his team coped... just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

My GP prescribed medication to help. I just felt so choked.

Yes, two years ago for a period of four months. It was well needed and it gave me time to put things right in my mind, take time for myself and heal emotionally. If you need to do it, then you shouldn’t worry... lots of people are in this situation at some point in life, and if you don’t listen to your mind and your body then you could end up worse in the future. Take care of your well-being and mental health, and if you do take time off work then don’t feel ashamed or worried. You’ll be glad you did it.

I did. I worked in a care home that was always short staffed and the stress to get everything done was awful. It wasn't so much the physical work, it was more I didn’t have the time to talk to the residents and many were lonely. I stupidly took on that mental load and often went home thinking I’d hadn’t done my job properly but looking back I did a great job.
It wasn’t until I got pneumonia and had to take 8 weeks off work that I realised I needed to slow down.
I did for a while but then the staffing issues arose again and then had to go to hospital about 4 months ago because of chest pains.
Turns out there was nothing wrong with my heart, the doctors told me it was stress and musculoskeletal.
Big relief but a catalyst for change. I have since left aged care and have a job in a private hospital with less stress.
It’s noticeable in my health and my attitude towards my job and family life. I can recognise the signs now and can adjust accordingly by slowing down, exercising and eating better.

I had been through a very difficult break up with my former partner. I was aware I was constantly in fright or flight mode and felt very anxious. I had lost a lot of weight and couldn't eat. I had also developed a speech impediment. I knew I had had reached my limit when I felt I needed an alcoholic drink before leaving for work. I called a friend and she came with me to see my GP. I was crying and sobbing in the consultation and my friend spoke for me. I was prescribed antibiotics which I took for 2 years. I was off sick for 3 weeks which looking back probably wasn't long enough.
That was all a very long time ago but writing this has made me cry as I am sorry for the person that I became or a short time.

Yes, twice.

First time I thought I was being clever, I worked in a call centre which was obviously awful..horrible managers etc. I hated it, hated my life at that point. I noticed a colleague had been off sick for a while, turned out they had been signed off with stress .
I got into trouble again at work for something ridiculous, and knew it was the last straw. I went to the doctors, gave them the usual symptoms and they wrote me a 2 week sick note there and then. I went into work and handed that it with my two weeks notice and never returned.

Second time much later in my career, I got signed off 'for real' after completely losing it at work. I was on a hair trigger and would have got sacked if I hadn't raken time off.

It's a very fine line in my opinion. If you have physical symptoms it makes it easier to define in a way.

The problem is the huge amount of people taking the piss by having time off if the job gets a bit busy or intense. It is also really easy to get signed off by your doctors as well in my opinion.

@boltzmannbrains that's a really interesting (and shocking!) story. I wouldn't be surprised if some people on here do something similar, as a way of creating that feeling of being in control. I have a vague memory of someone getting caught out doing this at least once on MN, but I can't remember who or when.

Yep, when I literally cried at everything. Then I had a moment of realisation when I was sat wfh trying to look after a toddler in lockdown and I was crying so much and actively pulling my hair out to try and gain some control over something. It was awful. I was signed off for a month and fully admit it saved my life.
I was so worried about what work would say and I knew the time off had done what it needed to when I felt the confidence to ask for furlough at the end of my sickness period to prevent things getting that bad again. I'm still on furlough even though ds is back at nursery but that's life and I needed to do what I did.

Yes. Couldn't stop crying. I had stress with work and a relationship breakdown and my father being very ill, so it all just got too much. The GP first signed me off for 2 weeks with exhaustion, but said she fully expected to sign me off for longer when I returned after that 2 weeks. She did, she signed me off for a month with stress. I went back to work after those 6 weeks and that went really well. That was 4 years ago and I'm still in the same job. I did worry that it would keep happening, but so far, so good. Look after yourself.

I had two weeks off. I was doing an incredibly stressful job and working on a very stressful project meaning I was doing 12 hour days and working at least 1 often 2 days at the weekend and had been for months. I also was trying unsuccessfully to conceive. I think it was burnout. Wasnt sleeping, anxious always, had tried to address by going on medication and keeping going but it wasnt working. Crying every day. I eventually asked for a meeting with my manager and said I had to quit. They told me to go home immediately, called a meeting of senior management and reassigned my work and got occupational health involved. I think I came back too early.

I hadn't thought anything could be done but works reaction proved me wrong. If its something specific causing the stress sometimes it's worth discussing as changes can be made. Sometimes it's gone too far and you just need time.

Yes I had a week off a long time ago. I felt sick, exhausted, migraines, couldn't sleep.

Its best to think long and hard about whether you want and believe your current role can be improved so you feel less stress, or whether you are better off finding a new job.

Speaking to your manager may help, equally it may be that you aren't suited to your role or its a nightmare job/culture at work. If so then start looking for something else ASAP, even looking and interviewing for other jobs may make you feel better as you feel less dependent on your current role.

Yes at least 3 times, I had the boss from hell, she hated me, I dreaded going to work, I was working in a high pressure contact centre, the first time I was newly married, we lost part of the roof in a storm & had rain pouring in our bedroom, my husband was in the middle of changing his job but his new employer was messing him around over his job description, he had done the medical & references had been sent to his current job who wanted a firm date he was leaving, they had told him he was to finish that week whatever happened but his new job started backtracking over pay & conditions, I picked the post up before I went to work & had seen a letter stating that they were putting his start date back 3 months & had reduced the pay he would get to less than his current job, we couldn't afford for him to be earning less money, I ended up ringing him while I was in work & telling him to beg to keep his job. I couldn't stop crying & shaking, I went to the doctors the same afternoon & was signed off for 6 weeks. The second time my husband was very ill with MS, I was getting constant phone calls to go home because he had fallen or couldn't do the school run, I was signed off for 3 months, the last time was after my marriage had ended, I was going through the investigation by the police for my husband raping me, I was also going through investigations for gynae conditions possibly caused by the rape, I attempted suicide 5 times in 9 months, I had collapsed in really bad pain & was also pregnant by my new partner, my GP signed me of indefinitely, I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, had to have 4 operations over 9 months, was diagnosed with PTSD. I was fired eventually but appealed & got ill health retirement with my occupational pension, it is 10 years ago & I haven't worked since, I'm disabled now & unable to work. Don't feel guilty if you need to take time off, seek help, I had 2 years of counselling & psychotherapy, I'm still on antidepressants now & probably will be for the rest of my life.

Yep. Earlier this year I was off sick for six weeks and then resigned. I had struggled with stress for months and I was constantly agitated, anxious and crying in the evenings and sometimes before work. I was snappy and irritable and my OCD was through the roof. I was convinced I was going to catch a bug (this was pre-Covid though) and I was constantly washing my hands to the point that they were bleeding. I would also get up in the middle of the night to check that the fridge and freezer were closed, and to wash my hands (I tend to do this when stressed ).

I think the main thing was the constant feel of dread, and the crying. I turned into a proper hypochondriac and I was convinced I was dying. The GP was quite happy to sign me off. I quit my job and I'm pretty much back to normal and feel like a huge weight has lifted. Now I just need to find a new job...

I have been off twice with stress from my current job. 4 months in 2018 and 6 months this year. It’s a totally unhealthy environment and really detrimental to my mental (and physical) health. And not just me. There are always at least 2 colleagues off due to MH, and lots of others on antidepressants just to try to cope with it.

I’m on maternity leave now and I’m hoping for redeployment when I return to work. It might be slightly less bad in another department. Otherwise I’m not sure I can actually go back at all.

@MrsAvocet Your workplace experience sounds a lot like mine. It is extremely difficult to live with a working situation like that; it really can destroy you.

I've been off work for 18 months with stress brought on by bullying and discrimination. Had a complete breakdown. Felt suicidal.

My work initially bothered me all the time to 'get help', tell them when I'd be coming back to work, and drop my grievance. I was made to feel my mental health was the cause and not the result.

Then my union got involved and they have been amazing. I have had full pay for 18 months because of them stepping in. Lots of things (not everything yet) have been resolved. I love my union rep. Join a union!

I was due to return to work in March and was really nervous about it even though I now have a new manager. However, lockdown meant I have been placed on indefinite paid leave.

So 18 months, full pay, whilst getting help from my union, my doctor, counselling etc. I'm in a much better place now mentally, although when the return to work happens, who knows if that will change.

Yes - I had a few issues - awfully stressful job with no support, a sideline small business was getting really busy, I was trying to keep on top of it all looking after home/4 children. Dh working away.

Then a bombshell - one of the children was picked up with a rare medical symptom that needed investigations to rule out a terminal disease.

It was all to much but I limped on for a little bit. One day, I was put in a very difficult position in work and I just started crying. Once I started, I just couldn't stop. I knew I couldn't go back to work. I had a routine appointment with gp the next day and I hadn't stopped crying from the day before.

She was amazing and signed me off immediately. This lasted 3 weeks until the consultant appointment for dc. We had good news and having that lifted made me feel OK to face work.

I did change jobs too - life is lovely now!

I'm sorry to hear that ExtremelyBoldSquirrels and I hope you manage to get your redeployment. It was the worst time of my life, even though outwardly I have been through more difficult times since. I think it is because it seemed never ending. Lots of passive aggressive comments. Things like the shifts that the ringleaders believed were "mine" (despite the fact that I was of course doing the hours I was now paid for!) would get underlined in highlighter on the wall planner. People got up and left when I entered the coffee room or staff canteen, or moved chairs so I had nowhere to sit. My boss at the time was totally spineless and it was actually him who told me not to attend department planning meetings as other staff, at my grade or junior, didn't want me there. Nobody ever physically hurt me or threatened me but it was relentless, grinding down of my self esteem and happiness every day for many months and I had nobody to turn to. Just one colleague defended me and then she started to be picked on to so I asked her to step back as I didn't see why she should suffer too.
I still work there (though possibly not for much longer but that's a whole different story and not related) and everyone pretends it never happened now. But I still don't trust anyone except my one friend, so its never really been "over." I won't be sorry to leave, provided the finances work out. I should have done it years ago actually but there's not much else in my field in the area and we like living here, kids are in good schools etc so I have just got on with things. If you can escape, go for it.

That sounds dreadful @MrsAvocet. I hope you can move on to something better.

I’ve got loads of annual leave accrued (as I was on sick leave before mat leave; I’m certain I’ll have to fight for this year’s to be carried over because they’ll try to screw me over) so I’m just going to enjoy my time off right now and worry about work next summer.