To ask if you’ve ever been off sick with stress?

[Goldenamber]

(Posting for traffic)

Have you ever been off sick with stress and if so, how did you know you had reached the point where you needed that time off and how long were you off for?

I never thought this would happen but I think I’m at breaking point

Hateisnotgood, stress is a very really thing and can be brought on by anything. My family uses to have that outlook until I went off and they realised what was happening to me. Which was / is bullying but what stressed me out was I was told to suck it up and deal with it which is the wrong thing to do

[quote ScarMatty]@CherryPavlova

I would be interested in how you would suggest my DH took responsibility for his own stress?

His job mean he was regularly physically beaten up at work, his belongings damaged, car damaged etc.

Did he perceive it wrong? Should he have just smiled when those things happened every day?[/quote]
I’m not sure that’s what I said but there are proven ways to manage stress that many choose not to use. Some people are undoubtedly less resilient than others.
Everyone has some responsibility, just as with physical health. Some will still suffer but the numbers and costs will be lower.
The myth of perpetual happiness being a realistic ambition has much to answer for.

Op, my role is senior and only had a few people being funny with me when I went back but didn't let it bother me. Only your boss, Thier boss and HR should know why you are off. As for impacting career, I am still with the same company 6 years later and no plans to leave

10 months off.

I'd realised I wasn't coping and self referred to occupational health, my referral was lost, my boss referred me after finding me crying at work, still no contact from OH. Three months after contacting them I had a panic attack driving to work, vomited over myself and my car and physically couldn't get there.

It was when the most stressful things were over that I fell apart. I coped reasonably well under the pressure.

A combination of medication and therapy helped me.

Yes.....I work in the NHS....of course I have

@CherryPavlova

Ahhh right, so DH should've just been more resilient and managed the stress better?

I'll let him know next time his tyres get slashed that he just needs to find a proven way to manage the stress that brings.

Yes I had a month off. I was being bullied by my manager

^^ this for me too. Went into the Dr's, broke down, signed off for two weeks - then another two weeks, then my workplace was closed for two weeks.

My Dr said they would sign me off for as long as i needed. They were great and really supportive.

I did, about 15 years ago, as did most of my colleagues in that particular job. In my case, I was vomiting with fear every day and my periods stopped for almost two years. It was a completely unmanageable workload. I was working all the hours that the office was open, and getting through more work than most of my colleagues, so it wasn't inefficiency. I raised it with my manager repeatedly and was told it was temporary and it would get better. But two years isn't temporary. When I reached the point that my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't hold a pen any more, enough was enough.

All of my colleagues who were conscientious ended up being signed off with stress. Other colleagues coped by secretly shredding important documents and refusing to answer their phones, and being so rude to customers that they took their business elsewhere. I'll give you a guess which group of employees were praised for their work ethic and which group were written off as lazy wasters...

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/business-51201550

You might find the story of the Chief Exec of Lloyd’s helpful re stress and senior positions.

[quote ScarMatty]@CherryPavlova

Ahhh right, so DH should've just been more resilient and managed the stress better?

I'll let him know next time his tyres get slashed that he just needs to find a proven way to manage the stress that brings.[/quote]
Well it might be more useful than suggesting he’s entirely unable to do anything about it. You’ve personalised when I haven’t. I clearly said people react differently.

Some people survive horrendous situations and thrive and others don’t. There are ways to build resilience, but abdication of all responsibility for our own health isn’t one of them.

If someone is knockover by a car and breaks a leg, it’s not their fault. There is no blame but the person who does physio exercises routinely, who finds ways to adapt and manage, is going to heal better. If they acknowledge their responsibility and learn not to have their headphones in, they might not get knocked off next time.

I had a full blown meltdown at work and was hysterically crying (I never really cry) I couldn't even pin point what it was that I was so upset about. After I stopped crying, if I thought about it again I would start again. I never EVER get like that. I took a few MH days off and felt loads better. I bounce back pretty quickly though and rarely feel down for too long, but that was definitely the worst I had felt for a long time.

It was the fork that broke me. I couldn’t find a clean fork, so I had a full on hysterical melt down on the kitchen floor.
I’d been working such long hours, in a job where you were set up to fail, taking abuse from every direction, grandparents had just died so trying to help family and spend time with them etc. So I fell really badly behind on the housework as I was never home long enough to do it. Someone or something was always demanding my time. I never got to rest or switch off. So the fork broke me.
I got signed off work by the GP, who prescribed anti depressants and a new job. Never went back there again. Got a new job, came off the pills, been fine ever since.

Mine was due to full on gaslighting from my numerous bosses. They all disagreed about an issue and were too scared to take control, so they would email me saying I had to do two completely contradictory things - like, now. This was happening daily until my mind broke.

Funnily enough nobody gave a shit when I went off and I've just been made redundant. I worked there for 16 years and was driven to one bout of absence by the incompetence of others. Not sure what would have happened if I hadn't been more resilient

Oh wait, I do - my colleague and friend died by suicide this year. Just not resilient enough, tsk tsk.

I didn't recognise it. A colleague was concerned and I was sent home. I was signed off for 3 weeks then had the summer holidays. There were awful things going on in my home life and I thought I could carry on. I lost weight and was also very angry.

Yes. Wen’t back to soon and soon found myself back where I started. Moved to a less stressful role within the organisation.

When I first started working back in the early 80s. The pace of working life was really a lot slower. You weren’t being bombarded with emails all day wanting things done straight away. If an envelope arrived on your desk with a red “immediate” flag attached it meant it needed dealing with within the next few days. And there weren’t so many meetings. And people used the phone a lot more instead of writing yet another email.

Doesn’t surprise me that so many people go off with stress these days.

@CherryPavlova

I am so glad my brain doesn't think like yours. So very glad.

No but I probably should have done. It's a curse (sometimes) to be a strong, resilient woman as we just keep on battling on!
I've had colleagues go off with stress and I've had nothing sympathy for them. I don't know why I such an issue with it myself!

3 months off the first time. Realised I needed a break when I was considering which tree would be best to drive into on my way to work.

Second time, different job. I recognised the signs and got help earlier. Mainly I was just angry that time.

The psychologist that I saw told me that I was extremely resillient and that he was surprised that given everything that had happened, I had stayed at work as long as I did. I've subsequently coped pretty well with a few other life events such as bereavements and nearly being killed myself but I have the insight to know when I need help. Everyone has a breaking point, and depending on all kinds of factors that will be different for everyone. Those who haven't (yet) been at that point are not some kind of super humans though.

Yes.

I didn't know I'd reached that point. My GP told me I had, that he was signing me off for two weeks and upping my meds and I could comply or not as I chose but that he expected if I didn't, he would shortly be informed I had been assessed and detained under the MHA. Up until then I was dead set on proving I was fine, I could do it, I could manage, I was fucking resilient, and all I was doing was making myself more unwell. I am resilient: this does not mean I should be stupid and refuse a break from an added pressure when the break is available and advised and life is very hard.

My boss was a sow though. It was almost entirely being managed by her that had meant work was a bad place for me at that time- I've been iller since without needing time off, because I've had far better managers!

In my 30's I had a horrible boss who constantly undermined me and subtly mocked me, and it almost destroyed my self-confidence. I was really unhappy, and I felt like a complete failure at work. I went to see my GP at DH's insistence because my unhappiness was affecting all areas of my life. GP signed me off for 4 weeks, citing anxiety and depression, gave me a course of fluoxetine and referred me for counselling.

I ended up being off work for 3 months in total, and I never returned to that particular job. I was referred to Occy Health during my sick leave and they liaised with HR to get me transferred to another department.

It's all very well saying manage your stress, but if there's an external factor you have no control over, it's simply not possible.

Horrible boss ultimately got her comeuppance but that's for another thread...

CherryPavlova
I think the problem is you are speaking from a position of never having reached the end of your tether.
It's easy to think "I would never give in", "I'm always resilient" "you need to stay strong, and push through" when you've never been there.

It's also not helpful to you if you do get to that point because suddenly you have to admit that you aren't as strong as you always thought and you're a mere mortal like everyone else.

It's a bit of a shock.

I hit that point earlier this year. I've always been a pick up and carry on type. I can brush off things, put them behind me and continue. Laid back, that's what people say.
There was a situation at work. Not work itself but someone I had dealings with through work.
It came to a head one day when I was driving into work and suddenly realised that I was seriously looking to crash the car because I didn't want to go in that badly.
I stopped the car and fought with myself for some time. Eventually I called work and told them I had a migraine (which I suspect they saw straight through) and then the GP.
I didn't take time off through stress. But actually I think I should have and it would have been better for me. By telling myself that I was resilient and I could get through it because I was strong I didn't allow myself to recover.

If you've always been the strong one then it's hard to admit you need help.

I hope you don't ever reach that point, but I hope you find enough empathy to realise that you have been lucky in that way and other people are no less resilient or strong than you.
Until last January I never thought it would be me either.

I have & it ultimately led to me leaving my job and to be honest it was the best thing I ever did!

That morning I woke up and I was sobbing, literally sobbing in the shower. I got out & went to put my work suit on but I literally could not do it, I could not face going to work. I put my pyjamas back on and I sat on the end of my bed and sobbed more, DP came and told me to get a fit note and take as much time as I needed.

My employer was awful about it, but then they were awful about everything (that’s why I was so stressed in the first place, totally toxic place). I decided that I just could not work for somewhere like that again.

Would’ve been most helpful during this exceptionally dark and challenging time if i had insightful people like @CherryPavlova to tell me all is fine and to believe in managing my own stress, I’m perceiving it all wrong .... these are confusing and unsettling comments for someone who has professed to work in the health sector. To have such an archaic and limited understanding of mental illness is really quite worrying actually .

I have twice. Once for 7 months and once for seven weeks. The first time I truly believe if i had recognised what was happening to me sooner i would have recovered quicker. Both times i cried in public so I knew it was too much. I also had a "fizzy" throat and hyperventilation. Both times my managers (who caused it) were useless. Fortunately I had strong contacts elsewhere in the business but both times were horrid. I hope you feel better soon

@craggymaggie Horrible boss ultimately got her comeuppance but that's for another thread...

I pray this happens to mine!