To ask if you’ve ever been off sick with stress?

[Goldenamber]

(Posting for traffic)

Have you ever been off sick with stress and if so, how did you know you had reached the point where you needed that time off and how long were you off for?

I never thought this would happen but I think I’m at breaking point

Yes. I had 6 weeks off last year. I was going through a divorce, ex was still living with me and I was under pressure at work and my line manager just wasn't bothered. I was miserable and breaking down. I also kept getting skin conditions like impetigo and coldsores, all a sign of stress for me.

The final straw was me saying to my line manager that I couldn't cope with a specific thing as well as everything else and she just went 'well.....' and shrugged and walked off. I called my GP immediately, waited for their call back, spoke to them outside and they agreed to sign me off. I picked up my sicknote after work then called my manager to tell her I wouldn't be in for a couple of weeks, which then got extended a couple of times.

If it had only been home or work, I could have managed. As it was both I just couldn't cope with it anymore as it felt too overwhelming. I'm also on the spectrum and it all felt too much and I was getting constant sensory overload with no recovery time. Always a sign that I'm going to find it all too much.

He basically said if xyz didn't change he would leave! The thing is with him he would too!!

Yes I had around a month off full time & then a gentle return to work plan increasing my hours over time. I had a really supportive manager & GP - I worked with them so not to rush back but kept an open dialogue with what I needed from them

I have considered this in the past, in different job roles. I would be worried that I wouldn't ever want to go back.
Its a really brave thing to do and I think more people should seriously think about it.

Yes - I wasn't sleeping constantly worrying about all of my targets.

One of my colleagues told me "you look like shit" and I looked in the mirror and I was horrified by my reflection. I was disheveled and had big black circles under my eyes. I went to my GP he signed me off sick for two weeks (I took 4 weeks off in total). I also accessed the counseling services available through my employer.

I had a micromanaging boss on top of what was already a very stressful job (safeguarding).
My boss was also under a lot of pressure and started to lose it, going on about ‘conspiracies’ in other offices, and coming in at 7am to look through our drawers.
I spent months near the edge, and I took a phone call from her ranting and raving about staff, and calmly thought nope I can’t do this any longer and left. I stayed off for 3 months.

I've been off work with stress once in my life. I realised I'd had enough when I found myself just crying at my desk at work. My desk faced the wall so no one in the office noticed. I went downstairs to cry in peace and heard a colleague come down so hid in the toilet. Eventually I came out still crying and asked them to get my manager. I cried at my manager, said I couldn't cope and she sent me home. I went straight to the doctor for an emergency appointment and was prescribed some anti depressants and sleeping tablets. I had a week off in total and went back. In hindsight I went back too soon but I felt guilty. I ended up leaving 8 months later and found out my boss described me as "flip flopping". I didn't really feel supported. Although to be fair, it wasn't work that was the problem, I was having quite bad personal problems which I'm usually good at keeping separate from work but there's only so much a person can take.

I hope you can take some time out.

Oh yes and I had a phased return and my workload was adjusted. My manager bullied me from that point and they were offering voluntary redundancy so I took it and left.

Talk to your boss op. I actually think it can be easier when you're in a senior role - you're harder to replace and more valuable to the business (I know that sounds bad but that's what the business cares about). Say you've reached burnout, and you need x y and z to change when you come back but you need a break and you need it immediately. I would go to your GP for an emergency appointment and then speak to your boss. Tell them how long you'll be off for and if there is a workplace occupational health thing/counselling offered then take it. Show you want things to be better and you'll do the work but right now you can't cope.

I was going through a rough time at "home", had been assaulted by my then DH and then he put me through the most horrific 6 months. I solidered on at work -keeping a smile on my face and working hard. Inside I was dying. But I kept it together at work and I was doing well.
Then I was assaulted by a patient -who stopped me from leaving the room and slapped me repeatedly. I collapsed on the floor and I thought I was having a heart attack. It was, I know now, a panic attack. The attack was witnessed by two colleagues, both of whom knew I had been assaulted by my DH and we were in the middle of court proceedings etc and that things were awful at home. I wasn't allowed to leave the room by the patient for 2 hours. Neither colleague did little to help nor called the police (I had no phone). I had been requested to meet them "to calm them down". I couldn't drive so one colleague took me back to their house where their partner literally screamed abuse in their face for being "late home". Meanwhile the children's school and after school care had all shut and emergencies contacts phoned to pick the kids up etc I got such grief from the schools. I couldn't go back to the building for about 6 months. I didn't sleep for about 3 days solid and didn't sleep properly for about 6 months or longer. When I went back -I found that management hadn't involved the police -like they said they would or indeed that anyone had done what they said they had. Then said patient made an appointment with me and I just couldn't go on and had a break down (they were supposedly banned from my work etc -and hadn't been). My union and solicitor agreed a glowing reference and without admitting an liability they gave me a year's salary / sabbatical. I took the money and rested at home and resumed work at a different location 9 months later. I still suffer with stress every now and again -it's a stressful job.

Twice for me, last time about 10 years ago, both times I had two to four weeks off work.

The first time I only realised how stressed I was when I completed a tick-box exercise - the diagnostic score was 12 or higher and I scored 18. I spoke to my line manager about and he was good - it was only later that I realised that during the chat I had been picking at a scab on my arm (from a completely unrelated minor cut) and there was blood pouring out. Spoke to GP and got signed off.

The second time was when I nearly killed my 2 year old son with a drug error (nearly gave him 5 times his much bigger brother's (5 year old) dose of digoxin instead of his normal antihistamine) I was only stopped at the last minute. Work was horrible at the time due to a complete change of computer system with no training. When I returned after being signed my line manager was adamant that my stress was caused by homelife. She was not happy when I rather forcibly corrected her, pointing out that she was demonstrating my point rather well. Probably 30% of her staff went off with stress whilst I worked for her.

If your boss is not supportive and you don't feel you can talk to them like that don't go to HR - they are there for the business NOT you.

This applies whatever your sector.

Just go to the doctor and get signed off. Tell your boss you'll speak to them in a week/two weeks or whatever.

I was once. I was really forgetful, kept crying, heart rate v high and feeling extremely dizzy at times. Still worked, and then even though I was exhausted I couldn't sleep. Just could not relax enough to and sat up all night. This was following really broken sleep for many weeks.
I broke down in work and my ward manager was lovely and made me promise to call the doctor, who prescribed beta blockers and sleeping tablets and signed me off. I'm so so glad I did.
I really hope things improve for you

Stress has caused me to healthy anxiety, headaches, upper back pain, stomach aches, bowel problems, piles...
However, taking insolitol has reduced my anxiety and therefore the aches and pains I have been experiencing .

Nope

I have seen in countless workplaces most don't get treated well after coming back from stress leave so have never done it myself. Not worth the aggro

Nope - not ever got a sick note for 'stress', maybe for a major operation, but even then a 'sick note' only covered the basics.

Mostly, the only people I know who've got a 'sickie' for 'stress' are public sector or Big Employers who follow the 'guidelines'.

Not minimizing 'stress', but generally in the rest of the working world, it's a 'normal' thing and generally not worthy of a sickie, although may be it should be - with all theT&Cs afforded to the pubworks and bigcompempees that allow for this ailment.

I am off at the moment.
I have had 2 other occasions when I've been off with stress, once when I got divorced 10 years ago and I was off for 4 weeks.
Again 3 years ago when it had built up so much I had a panic attack on my way home from work.
I had spent alot of time before that crying and dreading going into work.

This time I recognised signs, I was on leave for a week so should have been relaxed but really wasnt. I do have a stressful job but this time it has been an accumulation of things the straw that broke me was some issues with my ex and DD.
I have been off for 2 weeks but to be honest dont plan to go back for another few weeks yet. I am starting to feel a little more relaxed and less anxious but it wouldnt take much for me to be back there again so I will wait until kids are settled back at school- potentially a major trigger for DD and her MH issues.
Having been so unwell 3 years ago I wasnt willing to be there again and got signed off earlier that I did before. My GP has been great and my manager has also been really supportive.

Yes, I have. Once, several years ago when I separated from my ex whom I shared a child with (not married)

Officially split on a Saturday and was given 24hrs to move out of his house.

I had a new manager, domestic violence was involved and in no way was I in a fit state to work.

Emailed first, then spoke on the phone and I ended up crying my heart out down the phone. She was absolutely brilliant though, and totally understanding.

I had 6 weeks off in the end to get myself sorted, and to this day am really grateful for the way she handled it. Hasn't hindered my career prospects at all.

I was lucky though, and my employer is really hot on mental health and well-being.

If you feel you're at breaking point OP, then take whatever time you need to get back to a good place. Wish you all the best

Yes, I had about 4 months off in the end. Work wasn't the primary cause of mine but I was crying on the way into work each day, crying at night and felt miserable. I had a full blown panic attack one morning on the way to work (never had one before, was pretty scary for me and DH). I got signed off for two weeks then found out my mum had terminal cancer which didn't help things much. Dr was great, very understanding and sympathetic, as were my workplace. It took me about 6 weeks after my mum died to feel able to go back to work. I had counselling and was prescribed anti depressants which were both lifesavers.

I worried what my colleagues would think but at the end of the day realised my health was the priority. I had a then 2 year old daughter and wanted to get better for her.

IBS remains but I have medication to control it.

Do you mind me asking what you take?

I would drive to work hoping I would get hit by a car so I wouldn’t have to go in, I couldn’t go in a shop, couldn’t answer my home phone, was awake most of the night stressing and then, when ever I got myself in a state, I started self harming. I ended up suicidal and started storing medication to end it all.

I was off for 2 months.

A couple of years earlier I had a really rough period when DH was in hospital seriously ill and I was off 5 months.

Antidepressants have saved my life.

I’ve been at my new job 7 years, I’m still on AD-probably always will be-I haven’t been off with stress for around 8 years.

Yes, I knew I was struggling so I asked for a slight change in hours which would help me, they sent me to HR who were horrible and really undermined me, accused me of being inconsistent when describing my problems, told me my issues were 'just life' etc. I sobbed through the whole thing and walked out and sobbed for ages, then didn't go back for 2 months. When I returned it was on the proviso that I could just come back and never go to HR again, and I came back working the disputed hours anyway.

I did. I’d been struggling for a long time, and I don’t think I ever realised it was stress until the GP told me and it all made sense. I’d been unable to sleep, suffering with an upset stomach and hoping to get into a car accident so I could have a break for a long time. My confidence was completely eroded and I thought I was useless and lazy. I had two months off work, and I didn’t go back. I changed career and have never felt like that again.

Hope you get what you need OP.

I've not had time off with stress, but I have represented lots of people who have. Most companies are more aware nowadays of stress being so terrible and linked to mental health. People have no idea what their breaking point is, everyone has different resilience.

Mental health is just as important as any other health issue. If your employer treats you differently because of it, then they are a crap employer.

@HateIsNotGood

Nope - not ever got a sick note for 'stress', maybe for a major operation, but even then a 'sick note' only covered the basics.

Mostly, the only people I know who've got a 'sickie' for 'stress' are public sector or Big Employers who follow the 'guidelines'.

Not minimizing 'stress', but generally in the rest of the working world, it's a 'normal' thing and generally not worthy of a sickie, although may be it should be - with all theT&Cs afforded to the pubworks and bigcompempees that allow for this ailment.

Can I just ask then whether you don’t believe in mental health conditions? What if someone had depression?

Maybe you’re lucky to have never had a particularly difficult job