To ask if you’ve ever been off sick with stress?

[Goldenamber]

(Posting for traffic)

Have you ever been off sick with stress and if so, how did you know you had reached the point where you needed that time off and how long were you off for?

I never thought this would happen but I think I’m at breaking point

I had 5 months off a few years ago.
My new boss was constantly picking at me and it was relentless.
One day I got up to go to work, went to the loo and threw up. I was shaking at the thought of going in. Dh just said that things had gone too far and for too long and enough was enough and said I wasn't going in. I went to the doctors. She was fabulous and listened to my story and was horrified at what was going on.

Before this I would leave my house happy and as I got nearer to work my stomach would start to knot and and I would feel weird.
I got the union involved.
Manager had an answer for everything so senior manager said a lot of stuff couldnt be proved. I was asked to go back and I said no chance and refused. I carried on being off sick with support from my doctor.
Once the senior management realised I wasn't backing down I got offered a new job which is fabulous. I have been doing it ever since, so nearly 10 years now.

I think the concepts of stress and resilience are not well-understood. Resilience isn't silently taking everything that's piled on you without complaining; it's having the emotional skills to manage stresses appropriately and being able to make healthy choices and to bounce back from hardships.

I used to work /volunteer with a woman who was a bully and would target one person in turn; three women quit rather than work with her and I understood but was disappointed no one was willing to stand up to her. I was the only one who pushed back against her, and it led to six months of hell, me documenting outrageous lies and fraud, and ultimately the entire non-profit imploding and being shut down. I don't regret it but it definitely damaged my mental health. It didn't achieve anything, and in hindsight I think the women who realised it was a toxic environment and walked out showed more emotional strength.

Sometimes resilience is acknowledging that a situation is toxic, and having the strength to make changes to your life. Respecting your mental and physical health and taking time off when necessary is also part of developing resilience in the long-term. It's not a sign of weakness to admit when you need help.

I used to work with someone who was constantly bragging about her
wonderful glamorous life, how much money she had, and her perfect family. She was really good at her job and seemed to handle all the stress and responsibility well, but she made others feel judged for not being as perfect as she was. Then she vanished. We found out later she'd had an episode of psychosis and had to enter in-patient care, and it turned out her 'perfect' life was a fantasy she'd crafted (even to the point of printing other people's photos and passing them off as her own life) because she couldn't face living in her actual reality. Everyone thought she was so strong and resilient, but living in a fantasy world is the opposite of resilience. Obviously that's an extreme case, but I do wonder how many people who put up a always-strong front are really hiding under a facade to some degree.

Yes, just last year.

I was in retail and due to several people leaving in a short space of time, I was promoted twice in eighteen months, and despite having very little management experience. My manager didn't have much experience either so it was a case of us both being in way over our heads.

After about nine months it all came to a head - I felt like I was doing my job and his, and without any support from anyone. He pulled me into the office for a meeting and I ended up just bursting into tears. He sent me home and gave me a few days off but it ended up being two and a half months before I was back at work.

I went back on a phased return but after three weeks I realised things were never going to change so I got another sick note, handed in my notice and left! I never heard anything from anyone at that company after that day - not even HR.

I ended up setting up my own business and am now working 16 hours a week and bringing home the same income as I was there. I'm MUCH happier now and the work/life balance is incredible.

Well said boltzmannbrains. One thing my experiences have taught me is that there is absolutely nothing "weak" about being able to recognise your own limits and know when you need help. In fact you often need to be strong to stand up and say that something is not ok and you are not putting up with it any longer. The pressure to put up and shut up is pretty intense in many workplaces. I will never allow myself to be pressured to breaking point again, not because I am weak or feeble but because I now am more resillient than I was.

Years ago when I was a new mum.and being victimised at work. Off for 6 weeks I think and then thr union got me transferred into a great new job.

Yes was off for 3 months. I fought it for about a year. I would wake up each work day and consider calling in sick. I would get ready would drive to work and sit in my car in the car park and wonder if I was going to go into the building. Eventually one day I just couldn't do it. But without the structure of going to work etc I did hit rock bottom. I sat in my pyjamas for days on end not wanting to leave the house. It was a horrible time

I had three months off last year with work related stress.
My role was changed completely with no training or support, I was put into a very stressful environment (nhs) and expected to make decisions about people's health with no support.
I dreaded every day I was at work, couldn't sleep, felt sick as I walked into the depth, found any excuse possible not to go in.
Finally cried so much in the car on my way in that I just decided that I would not go to work, got signed off, was honest with my senior manager, said I'm not going back until this is sorted.

Yes, I was being bullied at work and one day I started crying and just couldn’t stop. I tried to go in and sobbed all the way. So I turned round and went home and doctor signed me off for 2 weeks.

Ps I am in a senior role too

Witchend I think it’s because I’ve been through incredibly challenging times throughout my life and dealt with it, that I know what I can do something about and accept that which I can’t. I rather suspect that it is not what you face but how you face it.
Managing stressful situations doesn’t mean you haven’t faced stressful situations. It means you acknowledge, deal with it and move on.

Yes, for two weeks when I found out my DS had autism. I had what I suppose is called a nervous breakdown - I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was crying constantly, I was suicidal. There is no way in hell I could have gone to work and in hindsight I should have taken a lot longer than two weeks off, but I felt like I couldn't.

I will always remember emailing my boss to tell them I had been signed off because I had just found out my child had autism and wasn't coping, and they replied asking where we were on a certain matter and if I had emailed a client and done X, Y and Z. Not one word of sympathy.

I'm a lawyer and worked bloody hard for that firm - all-nighters, weekends, late nights every night, etc. I left that firm within the year - I couldn't forget the lack of compassion they showed me at a time when I really needed it.

Managing stressful situations doesn’t mean you haven’t faced stressful situations. It means you acknowledge, deal with it and move on.

Or possibly are a patronising know it all perpetrating 1950s attitudes to mental health.

There's an incredible lack of empathy and understanding on this thread.
Some posters seem to have the attitude that it's a case of 'managing stress' and 'resilience' !!! This perpetuates the myth that 'weak' or 'ineffectual people succumb to stress. It is simply not true. Stress is caused by multiple factors, many of which can be outside your control.
Life events. work stress- common to lots of us.
Many people (including me) had years and years of c* before they break; and quite often, in a big way.
Some folk need to read up on the facts and figures regarding mental health- go on, it might be enlightening
to all of you who have experienced bad times

This is my fear, I’m a senior role so I worry they’ll think I’m not resilient enough but sometimes it just gets too much.

I don't mean this nastily, but if you are reaching the end of your tether, then they'd be right to think that you're struggling with work. Hopefully you work in a supportive, or at least legally compliant, workplace. I hope you can take a break soon. I would consider your position though, a senior role that causes you enough stress to be ill is clearly not the right one for you.

@Fr0thandBubble

Yes, for two weeks when I found out my DS had autism. I had what I suppose is called a nervous breakdown - I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was crying constantly, I was suicidal. There is no way in hell I could have gone to work and in hindsight I should have taken a lot longer than two weeks off, but I felt like I couldn't.

I will always remember emailing my boss to tell them I had been signed off because I had just found out my child had autism and wasn't coping, and they replied asking where we were on a certain matter and if I had emailed a client and done X, Y and Z. Not one word of sympathy.

I'm a lawyer and worked bloody hard for that firm - all-nighters, weekends, late nights every night, etc. I left that firm within the year - I couldn't forget the lack of compassion they showed me at a time when I really needed it.

Lawyers can be such twats. Many years ago I worked for a similar firm to the one you described and was asked similar questions to you when I had had to leave work as an emergency because my father was in ICU. Partner X called me and when I answered asked “How’s your Dad?”. I said “ he died 3 hours ago”. “Oh I’m so sorry, anyway about document blah blah....” Dad was in his fifties and it was extremely sudden as well.

@CherryPavlova

Witchend I think it’s because I’ve been through incredibly challenging times throughout my life and dealt with it, that I know what I can do something about and accept that which I can’t. I rather suspect that it is not what you face but how you face it. Managing stressful situations doesn’t mean you haven’t faced stressful situations. It means you acknowledge, deal with it and move on.

Oh god, can you hear what you're saying?

"Deal with it"

Maybe the multiple people who have pointed out the error in your thinking will encourage you to view situations differently.

I sincerely hope I, nor anyone I love, has to ever work around someone like you.

@CherryPavlova

You were incredibly lucky to be so resilient the very first time something happened to make you feel as stressed as so many of us have felt - to be driven to thinking suicide is a good option. (It isn’t, but I do know how it can seem to be the only way out).
For many of us (myself included) we did not know what was happening to us. I thought I just had a bad case of food poisoning. It’s not until later, upon reflections that we have the light bulb moment of realising what happened to us - that quite literally our brains broke and said in no uncertain terms that our bodies could not continue to function and we needed to stop and ‘re-set’
our lives, even if thar meant changing our surroundings via new employment.
You have been very lucky to either be dealt increasing amounts of stress that you’ve learnt to adapt, or had a fabulous education which gave you the skills to recognise stress and your stressors and react and adapt to them.
So many of us end up having a truck load of stress to learn to handle in very short periods of time. Periods which are far to short to stop, assess the situation and find and implement avoident strategies.
However I hope that all is on here, have learnt something from the mental health probes we have encountered.

1. you can look fine yet be suffering.
2. it can happen to anyone.
3. to have compassion for others. I would hope that after our challenges, we have all learnt to recognise our stressors and know what action to take to either avoid them, minimise them and ultimately deal with them in a healthy fashion. To write others off, or belittle them because of their mental health struggles is incredibly short sighted.

im finding this topic very interesting as currently my colleague at work is dealing with anxiety. I am quite conflicted on this. Firstly no one should be terrified or dreading work every day and clearly if there is obvious bullying going on that is 100% the employers responsibility. But I also believe that when it comes to work place stress not all instances are the same. Sometimes it is not the jobs fault. If you have a role that was filled easily for years and other colleagues in similar roles under the same manager coping easily then im sorry but it is down to the individual to learn to cope or leave.
I have witnessed first hand where small things and comments that were objectively innocent and innocuous were taken as stressful and twisted into negativity. While i have the utmost sympathy for the person, it must be awful to live like that constantly doubting, questioning and deep in negativity I can also see and understand the growing resentment in colleagues as they pick up the slack. Mgmt cant just get in a temp as no one anticipated it would go on so long and anyway they would take weeks to train up.
In my company the individual in question was out for months on full pay and then back on reduced hrs again on full pay while colleagues had to work very hard to cover the role.
Iv you cant cope with normal frustrations of office work and colleagues then clearly you are not up to the job and should look elsewhere rather than blaming the job, managers etc. And lets be clear here no one was being beaten, threatened or having tyres slashed. I really feel sorry for her and how miserable she is but at what point does that cease to be her employers and colleagues problem?

I believe people do have a responsibility to only work in jobs they can handle. For me personally a big part of me would love to be in a senior role with the associated respect and salary but i also know my personality and my limits and i wouldnt cope with the pressure, the responsibility etc and would be a wreck doubting myself and second guessing so I have accepted my limitations and chosen jobs more suited to my personality and capabilities.
I guess in most cases i feel if work is that stressful then as life is too short if at all possible you should learn to cope or leave. Dont stay there blaming everything else and expecting special treatment when clearly you and the job are a mismatch.
FWIW I think a company that cant show compassion for a few weeks after a bereavement or shocking diagnosis in a child are pricks. And will ultimately lose the loyalty of their staff.

When i say you above i dont mean op or any pp just one in general

Yes but I was young at the time, and the stress wasn't related to my job. I was crying a lot, struggling to sleep and eat. I was signed off for 3 weeks to give my medication time to start working. My manager was so nice and supportive about it I was quite keen to go back.

I've had doctors offer to sign me off a couple of times since then but I've declined as I find going to work gives me structure and distraction. It must be very different if your job is the source of your stress though.

And that’s why so many of us have opted to change employment roles, because as you’ve eloquently said, we’ve realised we aren’t able to handle aspects of the role and/or the company and haven’t expected the company or other employees to change. (No matter how much we wishes them/it to do so).
Life is too short, I suspect a lot of us have learnt that it’s better to work in order to live, and not live in order to work.
Sadly, some people are trapped by family circumstances and have to find a way to stay in a role which is (for whatever reason) doing them harm to their manual health.

Plus don’t forget that there are some individuals who’s brains are just wired completely differently and do need a medication regime in order to have and maintain their mental health equilibrium. Their tipping point may be perceived to be something within their job or home life, but actually be neurological and require finding the right medication. (Like diabetics etc)

I recognise a lot of these signs and have experienced them myself, however I haven't ever gone off with stress despite working harder and more intensely than my colleagues for a long time - that's not to take for granted that it never could get too much for me to cope with though and I always try to be thankful for each day I get through.

What I have noticed in my workplace though, that people don't really seem to consult with their employers beforehand - and looking at this thread this seems to be the consenus here too (though if your stress is directly due to your line manager I can understand completely why you wouldn't). For a lot of people they seem to leave it until they are absolutely broken, I can't help but wonder that if people were more proactive with their own mental health, would it not need to get to such a point? I'd be interested to hear if anyone did manage to get support in the run up to a crisis rather than after the event if OP doesn't mind knowing too.

a month. scratched my face/arms/legs to death

resigned after, felt much better!

@StartingGrid

Is the importance of knowing and maintaining your mental health taught at school these days? (I genuinely do not know never having had children). It wasn’t in my day - I’m in my 50s.
It was very much different deep, carry on and buck your ideas up, stiff upper lip,’ Etc mentality.
I suspect that even today, mental health is viewed with suspicion as you can’t ‘see’ it unlike a broken leg. To admit your were mentally struggling would be to invite scorn, ridicule, viewed as a sign of weakness. So you carried on hoping it would get better, or hope that actually it WAS something physically wrong with you like flu/salmonella.
The thing with a mental health crisis is that it can come on suddenly. So yes, you know you are suffering and potentially in trouble, but you hope you can hold on long enough to get to the weekend/new job/holiday/the work load to lighten etc, but it doesn’t happen and some small thing or lack of sleep etc makes your brain snap like an overstretched elastic band. But of course you don’t see the elastic band is stretched to breaking point. But when it’s snapped - it’s snapped. So it’s not always possible to ask for help sooner than hitting the crisis.
Some posters have said that they got help from their employer once they reached crisis.

Asking for help before you reach a crisis point is likely to get you on the end of a very very long waiting list if you approach the nhs these days and I would guess not many people would seek help privately before they reached crisis unless that had funds and had already experienced a crisis and received help previously.

Yes. At my 20 week scan I was told my son wasn’t compatible with life and advised to terminate for medical reasons. I asked for a second opinion, which was a follow up appointment 3 weeks later,
I asked my doctor to sign me off with stress as I honestly knew that if a teenager started answering me back, as kids do, I’d end up telling them to fuck off, and getting struck off. The follow up appointment wasn’t great, and We were given a third appointment which was two weeks after that, again I didn’t go in.

At that appointment the news was more positive, and although the pregnancy was still uncertain, we were given much better odds so I went back to work on a reduced time table.